How do you help your aspie child cope w/meltdowns?

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We are still going through the diagnosis process, but, our dr is already leaning twds ASD. My son is 8 1/2, but since he was 2 I always thought that there was something more to him. At 2 he NEVER, played with cars like a "normal" boy. Recently, while poking around WebMD for something totally different, I happened to click on a link for autism and came up with Asperger's. While reading through the list of symptoms, it was like reading a charater description of my son. Don't get me wrong I love my son no matter what the dr. says: aspie or not. I just want to help him cope better, and not feel like we (family) have put on our battle fatiques every day just to make it through.

I would like to find some other ways to help him manage the meltdowns.

Thanx for the help.

Honestly the best way to deal with breakdowns that I have found is as long as he is no threat to himself or anyone else let him be and get any siblings to let me be too. Just get the heck out of there. Along with that though make sure theres nothing he can break in case he is ever violent against property, maybe even give him a room to go too if he feels like he might breakdown (though I don't know what you do when he does have a breakdown near a bunch of breakables, sounds risky to himself and to the breakables).
Ender

PS Once again feel free to PM me with any other questions, I am the UOPHA after all .

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Meltdowns are caused by something...some of them are not preventable...changes in schedules that cant be avoided,miscommunications.But some of them are sensory over load related....loud noises,high pitched sounds,food textures,itchy clothing.Even he may not realize what the trigger is and not being able to tell you can be as frustrating as the actual over stimulation(or even under stimulation,if he has to stop doing something he finds calming or interesting)There are books about kids with sensory intergration disorder that you might find helpful.It is very common with AS.Some of it he will out grow with age and natural dis sensation(a lot of kids would eat chicken nuggets for every meal,the palot may relax with time).

Half of helping him is going to be understanding what is triggering him and avoiding or making compromises when possible.Yhe other half is realizing.....just because it is making you "crazy,frustrated,angry"does NOT mean that he is trying to evoke these emotions in you.That was the biggest misconception of my parents......"You are crying to manipulate me"...No,I was crying because my skin was driving me crazy itching because of the cloths she made me wear and I didnt have the words to make her understand how it felt to be in my skin(it wouldnt have made her itch,there for I must be faking...aaarrggg),which was making me frustrated,angry,sad and confused,thus the tears.

Good luck with the DX.Knowedge is power.

I agree, you have to try and find out what is causing them. It may be a fear, it may be a break in the routine, it may be something does not feel good, like an itchy shirt.

Meltdowns are usually caused by one of three things:
Being unable to stim, or explore and obsession (Or stopping an activity before ready).
Being out of routine.
For those with SI problems: Sensory issues, either overloaded with sensory information, or being "hurt" by an over reaction to a sense, (light in eyes, itchy shirt, loud noise).

Sometimes a meltdown is unavoidable, a child may want to "swing" for hours at a park, but you only have 1/2 an hour, and have to leave sometime!
Or if you "have" to go shopping and they are put into a large crowd.

But as you learn what "sets off the meltdown", you will learn how to adjust you and your child’s schedule and routines to prevent a lot of them. It may be, you just should not do groceries on a Saturday afternoon, or may avoid parties, or not "throw on new clothes" on the child.

I find that slow introductions to "new" things help. My son used to need three adults to get a new piece of clothing on, one to hold him down, another to hold the garment, and third to manipulate legs or arms to get the garment on! Eventually, we learned it was better to "talk up" the new item for a day or two before trying to put it on. Buying new clothes 15 minutes before a photo shoot and throwing it on him was NOT going to work! Also, letting him "pick out the clothes" helped a lot. We would give him a choice in what to buy at the store. If he received a gift, we would "show" him the new shirt everyday and say" wow, is this ever neat! Look at the dinosaur on it!" or "feel how soft it is!" Eventually he would "choose" to put it on.

Then there where other things, like brushing teeth, hair washing, nail clipping. These things we battled hard with for about 10 years, and they still creep up at times. (He can't STAND water on his face). We where told by a hospital clinic, to try and not "force" the issue, he did not "have" to brush his teeth everyday. Or he did not have to "cut his finger nails regularly". Well, the more we avoided it, the more problematic it became and the greater his resistance to it. Once when he was 10, he returned from a trip seeing my mom for a month. We had let his fingernails go so long before, and my mother did not dare touch them, that when we went to cut them, they actually bled well above where the quick was supposed to be! It was terrible.

I did not know anything about sensory therapies at the time, but really that is what we did in our own way. They need frequent exposure to these things, and a solid routine, as walking around with stink breath and nails that look like they belong in the Guinness Book of world records is just not acceptable! Again though, you should try and "introduce" it as much as you can, give them a "say" in how it will happen as much as you can. (My son insisted on a cloth to cover his eyes when washing his hair and a "cup" to be used, or he had to pick out the tooth brush and flavour of tooth paste.

Still though, the meltdowns will happen, not all of them can be prevented. You can't rationalize with them, or get angry at them, or try and "convince" him not to behave this way. He won't understand guilt, or shame. These kids don't bend, but I have to warn you, they do break. If you come down on him and try and "make him" understand guilt or shame or behave, it is likely to turn 180 degrees, leading to feelings of inadequacy, depression, and like he can't do anything right.
Welcome to WP.
Welcome to AS!

I want to thank you so much for the replys. We are trying to be more understanding standing with him now. I appreciate all the help.

Thanks.

I have a 16 year old Aspie that throughout the years has had many meltdowns. He was misdiagnosed up until he was 13. The doctors said he was ADD/OCD. We had so many problems at school and taking him out in public, we finally found a specialist who said he had Asperger's Syndrome. We are a military family so we move around more than most folks. He is having an awful time in high school. He feels so sick of being "the quiet kid" that is invisible. When he comes home he sometimes just blows up, because he is so frustrated. Right now he is completely into WOW on his computer and he also plays his XBOX 360 with his friends online. He has no problem at all communicating with people who are not directly in front of him. Regarding the meltdowns, we pretty much know what sets him off and we pick our battles wtih him. He doesn't like leaving the house all of time, so sometimes we let him stay home and make choices for himself. He also has diabetes and I think he gets overwhelmed by people telling him what to do all the time, so I try to give him choices regarding what he does for chores and other things that he needs to do around the house. When it comes to family gatherings he does not have a choice and we make him attend those because he is a member of the family and he needs to be a part of those gatherings. Afterwards he is usually glad he went. You should be grateful your son was diagnosed early so at least you know what you are dealing wtih. A lot of schools my son has went to did not know how to deal with him. He was mainstreamed with regular kids up until 5th grade with no IEP or modifications and it was a nightmare for him and us. Anyway, the best advice I can give you is to continually be positive with your child because so many things are difficult for these kids that your home needs to be a safehaven for them where they know everyone loves them. I quit working full time (I only work part time now) so I could be with my kids after school and keep and eye on them and be there for them when they come home. Just being there to give him a hug when he comes through the door has made a difference in our family. I wish you all the best.

Weee, there's so many ways of handling this as there's human beings and ants in the world....

What has worked for me with my utterly AS kid and me AS:

During a meltdown of one of my kids I'm actualy realy mean to him. I sit down on the floor, turning my back against him. Not speaking to him until he's calm. Takes about 10 seconds. Then I put my full attention to him and ask him what he was supposed to do and why he was so angry. He has forgotten he was in a meltdown and is puzzled enough to draw attention from that he was insisting on being angry just recently.

It's a mean behaviour from my side, but otherwise me and my ex has to fight for hours. This only takes 10 seconds of complete ignorance. And yes, I know it's a nasty way of treatment, but it works, for that kid. I'm NOT saying it works for all kids!

Yesterday I forced my two sons that made a "nuclear explosion" in my ex's bedroom with all the clean laundry, to clean that room. Suddenly when I did the trick of sitting down on the floor and completely ignore my kids, my ex came running up the stairs, because it went quiet so she got worried something happened to me or one of the kids.

I'm there but mark that I refuse to talk to them when they misbehave. My Ex didn't believe her eyes. I even got a hug from her afterwards. Felt nice.