Something or nothing?

Post Reply New Topic

My dau is 10.
She is VERY social to the point of continuing to email and write her former teachers. She is very bright, thoughtful, reads far above her grade level, has a "normal" sense of humor - although just a tad bit slow picking up jokes at times. Not too far off though. She reads almost non stop. Her "Theory of Mind" seems fully intact and she actually has great advice and is sometimes too nice or tolerant of people that are kinda mean to her. She has no fear of putting herself out there as if she lacks anxiety or nervousness- very confident from what I can tell.
(I have no idea where that comes from.)

A couple things have caught my attention over the years that remind me of her father.

She has zero sense of style up until this year when she started dressing more like kids she is dressing like- even borrowing some of their clothes. Up until now we had to monitor her every single school morning to make sure she wasn't wearing something completely off the wall mismatched or the same outfit for the 3rd day in a row, including dirty socks.

She is clumsy on big things. She could never do a cartwheel, for example, and took a long time to learn to ride a bike.

She is incredibly messy in general with the exception of being very helpful in the kitchen.

I wouldn't even think anything of it except it's so much like her dad. Is this normal for some girls and just a coincidence?
I've tried the child AS tests but they don't ask questions that are really fitting for her. (She did score 10 when 0-14 was no AS to mild AS.)

Any thoughts? We have so many of us already in the health system I don't want to unnecessarily end up with a diagnosis of something that may never even be an issue.

from my point of view she sounds normal for a girl her age. I would not worry about getting a diagnosis unless she needs it. For example if she really struggles with social relationships or with school or general behavior such as meltdowns or things of that nature. She seems like a normal quirky kid. who knows she may have it which could show as she gets older, or she may not.

Probably nothing.

Lots of 10 year olds are messy. She might not be the athletic type. She just doesn't show any autistic/Aspergian traits. If she's doing well with her peers, I wouldn't even have her get an assessment.

I agree with the above posters. If her only issues are low fashion sense and being a bit of a klutz and messy I would not worry too much. Even if she is very mildly on the spectrum, which I don't see based on what you say, those aren't issues I would be overly concerned about or seek treatments for.

What would be the benefit of "knowing"? She sounds happy, confident, and functional. We don't all need to be turning cartwheels and dressing like clothing ads do we? Would intervention of some special sort improve her future life, and if so, how?

Thank you all for your replies.

The only benefit of knowing would be whether to keep a closer eye on things to watch for.

I'm leaving it alone for now, thank you again.

Hi, I would agree to some of their points of view here. I believe its just normal for a girl of her age and maybe as she matures she will change for the better.

I would not seek a label, but I would support/seek out activities that help her with gross motor and executive function/organizational skills. Dance, yoga, horseback riding with horse care, and traditional martial arts would help her with both.

I don't think much can be determined either way from the traits you describe, many AS women were exactly like this, I was, many NT women were also exactly like this and all of these things can also just be personality traits.

Personally, when I take the screening test for ASD, I score very likely to be ASD on all of them. I find the tests quite accurate.

Also, my total confidence in any social situation up until adulthood, came from the fact I totally lacked the awareness to know that I actually wasn't fitting in as well as I thought I was. My opinions and advice seemed mature because I was intelligent and well read so I had information to draw on beyond most my age, but never noticed how much my continuous flow of advice irritated my peers. My mother would have described me exactly the way you describe your daughter and I am as autistic as a high functioning person can be. Just food for thought in case any of this resonates with you.

The only thing that really sounds unusual for a girl her age is her clumsiness. She may have dyspraxia/developmental coordination disorder, but it doesn't sound like she has anything more than that. (Which would make her unusual among dyspraxic kids, since most of them also have ADHD, autism or LDs.)

She sounds a lot like me when I was a kid. I had absolutely no concern for what I was wearing (as long as it was comfortable) until I was about 11. I would forget to brush my hair, and not notice if there was dirt on my face. I was VERY messy, could not do a cartwheel, ran the wrong way playing tag, clumsy, and was the kind of kid who would get lost walking around my own block. I was also very social, read well above grade level and loved to write. I have also always been able to read between the social lines well. I do not feel I am on the spectrum. I do think I have (still do) executive functioning issues, motor issues and attention issues. I suspect I have mild ADD. I have taken some of those online ASD tests, and I always score as more "not neurotypical" than "neurotypical", but not enough to be on the spectrum. I think many family members of autistic people are somewhat BAP.