suggestions - Aspie children sticking to homework until done

Post Reply New Topic

We have had real problems in the past year getting our son to stick with his homework. I will give him an assignment to put all the relevant points of a social studies chapter onto index cards ( to help him study for tests), and he does a great job now of pulling the appropriate points out and put them on the cards, but there are times where it will take him four hours to do about four pages of work! He is like this with all of his assignments. He does well on his work, but he dawdles. He looks around the room. He daydreams. He just cannot concentrate on his work unless I sit right next to him and hover.

I don't want to hover over him. If I do that for the rest of his life, he will never learn how to accomplish homework on his own. And I won't get anything else done that needs doing around the house.

He seems to do a little better if we set an alarm clock. Threats help sometimes too -- which bothers me, because I don't like using threats. He's the sweetest kid in the world, and a good student. He just can't stick with the assignment without lots of supervision.

I would have thought that, rather than using threats (i.e., if you don't finish that chapter in ten minutes, you can't play video games), I could use the things he loves as motivators (i.e., finish that chapter in ten minutes, and you have ALL NIGHT LONG to do whatever you want!). But motivators don't work for him lately.

What have you (if you're an Aspie) done to get over this tendency toward daydreaming when you should be doing homework, or if you're not Aspie, what have you done to help your child accomplish required homework tasks?

Kris

if you are wanting an Aspie response you might want to move this thread to General Autism Discussion. I am anxious to hear answers as this is a BIG problem we have also, and my son is only in kindergarten! A timer has worked the best for us in the past, if he doesn't fininsh before it goes off the no......(whatever he is wanting at the time). We also let him have some free play time to do whatever when he first gets home from school to get some "down time."

I would like to hear an aspie response to this though!! !! !!

BTW how old and what grade?

I'm amazed your kid persists for four hours!

My adhd/aspie son (14) still needs my supervision sometimes. He needs downtime when he gets home from school and then he does the easy stuff first. The hard stuff we break up into smaller sections and give time outs in between if he starts to lose it. Physical activity before starting is supposed to help with focus. My husband used to study with music in the background. I need absolute silence. My kid needs short bursts with lots of breaks. Everybody is different.

When he was younger, he had modified homework and a time limit for completing it. No more than one hour a night and if it wasn't done, he was allowed to stop.

Ironically, Daydreaming IS HOW I bring closure to the points at hand. As if, in thought, they formulate for me--out there, and come together, with the absence of stress, to a place where I can retain them.

My child, non conductive to my hovering and trying to ram his understanding down his throat, has, with the promise of being left alone (and after schools study utilizing school based tutors) has maintained almost an A average for 2 years now--wheras before it was an F with alot of complaints from staff as to his behavior. And alot of frustration by him as to not being able to understand.

Ironically as well is recent science now stating that 'looking away' opposed to the popular 'give me your attention' is more conductive to learning.

I hope you 2 work it out.
Gently, and Good Luck!
SeaBright

Thanks for the responses, everybody.

I know, four hours of concentration would be amazing. But he doesn't do that -- I'll be grocery shopping away from home, and Dad will be home doing work, but not really looking to see if our son is accomplishing what he should be doing, and consequently, four hours later, he will not have finished anything.

We do the "come home from school, blow off some steam doing whatever you want" thing on a daily basis. We also have him take breaks in-between accomplishing what he needs to do. And I agree with the comment that staring off into space is often when the answers to questions or the solutions to puzzles comes to him (and to me, for that fact). It's just the fact that, if he could finish his homework in a manageable amount of time, he would have so much more time to do what he REALLY wants to do.

He's 10 (soon to be 11) and in fifth grade. There has been a big leap in responsibility and homework levels this year. Next year is his first year of middle school, and eight different subjects with eight different teachers. I am very concerned with how he will be able to manage that much responsibility, especially if he has four hours of homework on some nights after school NOW. We do not have the "one hour of homework" deal. And I am very tempted to try and get that deal, as I feel that much of the homework is not very necessary.

Kris

We're early risers so here homework often gets done in the morning before some video game time. Being fresh instead of wiped out from a day's school work and having an incentive helps a great deal.

I'm not sure about the source of the problem. What does he say about it? Is the work too confusing or is it just staying focused or something else?

Are there meltdowns or does he do off-task things (sharpening pencils, getting a drink)?

How long do you think the homework should take?

For M, meltdowns=too hard and off-task=poor attention. Meds didn't work for him so we had to modify the material. Maybe you could ask his teacher for her observations in class and ideas about homework.

THE folloWING IS A BIT OF A RANT -sorry


I hated homework too - but has it anything to do with a disability - I think even I were handicapped and slobbering over my notes, I would hate homework even more.

...In Ausrtalia there has actually been a call by parents to eliminate/minimise homework. (For the younger children at least) - parents are finding that thier kids don't get to be kids ,, and I would say I have to agree... In my day we were given small 'tasks' as home work in primary level,,, and then it slowly climbed as you get to highschool,,, which is why you end up HATING IT

Getting anyone to do work, they feel they shouldn't have to is hard.... so maybe we just plain old shouldn't do it. -> at least when we are kids we shouldn't -we should be outside playing.

-I almost always never did my homework,,, in the end the teacher was made to make me do it during Lunch time -> but even teachers make you go outsied for at least 15mins during lunchtime. (What I am getting at - is he getting punished at school for not doing the work -> it's the teacher that set it they should be the ones to request it be done)

-This is the Australian system for homework...

Parent to: CHILD X >- Do your home work.
CHILD -> I'll do it later, me and CHILD Y are going to ride our bikes.
responce: OK, just be back before the sun comes down
-and the homework never get's done. -well sort of,, I did alot of homework after dinner while everyone was relaxing in front of the TV But you may find that alot of Australian households are now complaining about the homework thing - most of it really should have been taught at school - that's why they are thier.(the kids)

I knew a family of seven where the kids never did they're homework - alright non of them are doctors, but one is a teacher at the primary level (god help the kids ) an the rest, scial worker, eletrician(data -which is hard), toolmaker/engineer/and agreat drummer (self taught -yep he''s the most aspie) , you see you don't need to be a genius to have a great life. -none of these peopl did or do homework outside of the institutions of teaching or working,, yes now the teacher has to do 'homework' -correcting and such ,, but being the type that didn't like homework doesn't dish it out. -and besides it means she has to correct it!

Erlyrisa, I totally agree about homework being unnecessary! I constantly think that our kids don't get a chance to just be kids. Australia definitely has the RIGHT IDEA! My main complaint about our school district is that the entire district very high-achieving, very much into excelling and going to college, etc. They have all of these advanced ideas about integrated maths, very advanced science and social studies, but I think that they are teaching these young children advanced concepts before the kids are mature enough to grasp them, Aspies AND NT's!

Goku, my son just loses focus. He does go off and sharpen pencils, feeds the dog, anything but concentrating on the work at hand. He doesn't have meltdowns, he just apologizes profusely whenever I get frustrated that he hasn't made any progress. On the one hand, it does seem awfully ridiculous that he has all of this homework, but on the other hand, someday a boss is going to require that he stick with an assignment and finish it to the boss' specs, so I do think it's important that he learn how to stick with the job until it's finished. Sometimes the homework should take about 20 minutes, and DOES if I'm sitting right next to him, reminding him to finish. (This is 20 minutes per subject, sometimes adding up to 1 1/2 to 2 hours of homework twice a week, always happening on a day when the poor kid has Social Skills classes or Cub Scouts)

I may move this subject to General Autism Discussion, just to see if there are other options out there for this particular problem.

Thanks,

Kris

Kris,

I answered you in the General Autistic thread. I can only tell you how it works for me and how I deal with it. Hope that it helps! If it makes you feel better, I work on projects that require very focused concentration for days, weeks and even months on end. So, if he's having the same issue, he should be able to deal with it like I did.

Zanne

The thing I hate about school is that it's such an artificial environment. No where else are you expected to be good at everything. In reality, you try to accentuate your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. You are going to choose the job you are best suited to and learn to delegate the rest. That's the point I try to get across to my kid. School is a temporary assylum, real life is much better.

We are having a lot of success using a "Time Timer" with our son for transitions and completing tasks. This timer has a big clock face, and the time left is shown in red (a good visual cue for him). He likes to set it himself (helps him feel in control), and we usually try to include him in the decision making process about how much time. It works well when we use it to transition... so, how much time do you need to finish ____________, before we start ________________? Then the timer is set for finishing. Then when we move over to the next activity (e.g. homework), we set the timer again...

Of course, nothing works all of the time. But using the timer has given us a tool that doesn't consist of constant verbal reminders (which just feels like nagging/hovering/encouraging dependence).

The other thread seems to be more about Expereinces so I'll keep the political sociallogy topic here.

-100 years ago there was no homework -even as little as 30 years ago there wasn't any.

-The japanese are a Drone Society because they do so much Education at a young level --but even there -none of it is done outside the educational institution.

-Europeans Learn Chemisstry and Science starting at 10 --this is stupid - in Australia, it slightly starts at 12, and only progresses to the real thing (formulas and such) at 14. --My cousin is European and wouldn't have clue about science - I'm Aussie and made it to be an Engineer.

---Homework - is adirect result of the Institutions that teach teachers to 'provide' tasks for the child to learn, to learn independanty --If the institutions would just tell the teachers that ---ITS THIER RESPCSIBITY and not THE PARENTS to punish for incomplete work, then maybe they wouldn't dish it out.

---A parent is the CARE giver -- not the one with the PHD in algebra trying to teach thier kids --30 years ago the average person could add and that was it, even mutiplication was difficult for and adult (and even me today) --why shouldld I teach my kids when the teacher don't know how - doesn't matter if they are totally ret*d ,,, the teacher should teach to the ability of the pupil -- if the pupil falls behind , then it is A. the teachers fualt, B. the Parents fualt for not instilling manners in the child which allow the teacher to teach (ADD comes to mind)

---Kids that dont have manners should be punished harshly, by A the school ,,and Then B the parets ... if the parents can't come to terms with educating manners into thier child --well then bad luck --not all parents are genius ,,, and coping out and resorting to self help books, blaming it on the system ad asking for pills and playing with diets ain't going to help the slightest ---It's all your FAULT!

--Turn off the TV, give up the Aerobics classes and get advice from your elders --they still hold the key to life -- today we have just plainly forgotten, because we are ALL suffering from Autism -- our parent is the MEDIA!!

my hubby always had trouble wanting to finish homework that he felt was pointless....he'd finish it only if he found it interesting~which made for less than stellar grades. things he found interesting, he'd go above & beyond on completing them...he says nothing ever really motivated him if he found it pointless.
for our son, we tried a reward system only as a last resort when he totally stopped doing ANY homework...it didn't really work

You can get adjustments on homework times/amounts written into an IEP. This can be a good arrangement especially helpful for repetitive, unnecessary type stuff.

Asking for 4 hrs of concentration seems like an awful lot to ask of a child. I remember one of my professors told us researched proved adults have an average attention span of 20 minutes. So after 20 mins we were sent on 5 minute breaks because everyone's mind was going to wander anyway.

Daydreaming isn't bad for an Aspie. Its the way many of us learn. That's how I STILL learn the right way to interact with people, what I did wrong or didn't do and should have and what people mean by their words and expressions. Like I'm still reflecting on a conversation from 10 days ago because I don't understand why someone I thought I knew well was so mean to me.

Personally I think the worst thing you can let your Aspie child do is play video games. I think the boys get too hooked on them and that's all they want to do in life is play games all day long if they were allowed to. Aspies should be outdoors playing and observing others so they learn appropriate behavior. Video games do not lend to socializing anyone, AS or NT.

If you want your kid to concentrate on schoolwork make sure no one in the house is playing video games, keep the tv, radio and computer off because Aspies get distracted too easily.

Incidently, I think teachers that assign homework are showing what failures they are as educators. If they can't get kids to learn 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week, 9 months of the year something is wrong with the teacher. Kids don't learn from homework. It's just rotework. They do it and then forget about it. Parents end up having to do a lot of the homework and they shouldn't be expected to teach advanced math at home. That's the teacher's job!! Parents and kids get so little time together; they shouldn't have to waste it forcing kids to do yet more schoolwork.