Pulled my son from mainstream today.

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Mainstream just wasn't cutting it. As someone else here suggested (forgot who-sorry), he was spending all his energy to fit it and keep up. He was getting frustrated, his teachers were getting frustrated, and he wasn't learning. Getting him to school had become almost impossible and keeping him in the classroom was impossible---he's get a bathroom pass and spend all day in the boys room.

He'll be in a classroom with children with NLD, HFA, and AS starting next year (only 9 more days of school this year). He'll be mainstreamed for advance math and science. The program offers social skill classes as its elective instead of music or Spanish (niether of which he was real excited about anyway).

I hope its the right decision.

BeeBee

Best wishes to you both. Hopefully it will be an environment that stimulates his growth without the over-stimulation of "mainstream".

i spent my whole childhood trying to fit in where i had no chance of belonging. i can't tell you how much this sucked, and how much it still affects me every day.

i think you're doing the right thing.

Thank you Oatie and CIN.

I needed that.

His father (my ex-) is still in deep denial and thinks D's PDDism is due to the fact that D's school, his doctors, the neighbors, and me are all overprotecting D. Dad wants D to just "tough it out, like a man." D is 12 years old.


Again, thank you for the kind words.

BeeBee

It is. As a adult and HFA fitting in and crowding
is still a issue for me. That is why I have a difficult
time holding down customer service jobs. Hmmm?
Where does he flower and bloom, for this is his
strength?

How come you didn't do this to your 15 year old son?
Hmmm?

I am not familiar with other HFA'rs in person, or face
to face daily encounters. What I can say the adults
on this web page have a difficult time fitting in and
this often affects their relationships, family, and
few friends. By I removing myself from a negative
envirement and he being removed from a negative
envirement, therefore let the healings begin .

Can you describe these kids and from what you
know about us how we are similar? I am mainly
focusing on HFA, and include AS, and ASD as well.
I hope this bloosom hims and just remember, even
the mature adult autistic spectrumed have similar
difficulties that are life long, so this may help with
perspective.

sincerely,
Ghosthunter

P.S.....I find answers about myself directly or
indirectly! Right now I am in a sullen mood
from work and too many people around me
at Starbucks on Mason & O'Farrell.

Thank you, GH. We shall see.



Ah, this child has tons of strenghts! I worry less about him as an adult than I do my older son.

Let's see...D is very, very bright. An excellent reader and can understand so much. He thinks outside the box and comes up with lots of orginal solutions. He loves jokes and has the best sense of humor and is almost always happy.

Thank you GH! Now I'm smiling thinking about all his strenghts!




You have been reading my posts closely! Or you have an wonderful memory.

J has ADHD but no AS. J is the social butterfly of the family. He lives for the interaction of the larger class.




Yes, I hope he finds it a healing enviroment. He has had a tough year and has put so much effort into it. He deserves for things to go right.




Yes, I understand D will have this all his life. Sometimes it is easier as an adult though to pick which enviroments you put yourself in. A child needs to go where the adults in his life tell him to go.

I watched the class Monday. The kids were...all over the range. Some very quiet, other more direct. Over all, they seemed to be a bright bunch. They all had different interests for free time although many were interested in the computer. They seemed more lively during the history class then the drama class. That was different than the mainstream classes I've witnessed. Oddly enogh (or not maybe) it was an all boy class. One of the boys lives about eight houses from us. We'd seen him but never met him. The teacher said he was a very nice child so maybe D will be able to have him as a friend.

I'm sorry the Starbucks is so crowded. I hope it clears out soon.

Thank you, GH.

BeeBee

Hmmmm? I like to hear more of your
observations as you make them. The
best tool to adult weaknesses and
strengths is seeing the simpler version
children and adolesences bring out
to the open.

Hmmmmm? Fascinating!
Ghosthunter

I couldn't stand mainstream school either...

Too social... to overcrowded...

My whole childhood and adolescence would have been better, had my Mother recognized I needed a different kind of schooling and that I needed an education that played to my strengths.

Good for you and hopefully it works.

Tallgirl.

It's possible that the social skills class could be useful, but I wouldn't be the least bit suprised to hear later that the curriculum has the kids with the lowest mental age in mind. When I ws in the 5th grade, the school psychologist would come in every week and subjected the class to this BS program aboiut dealing with emotions and social skills. Maybe some of them found it useful and the rest just mindlessly followed along, but it was comletely ret*d and annoying to me. I just sat there and spaced and tried to ignore the whole thing, but one time, the teacher and psychologist tried to make me participate, I refused, they told me to go to the office, as I was headed out the door, I told them all off about how stupid it was and how it was a waste of time and that there were better things we could be doing. I was upset at the time because that was the first time I ever got suspended, but in retrospect, I have no regrets and only wish I had used stronger langage.

In middle school I took band class just to escape getting in trouble for some threats I made to some bullies in the general electives and I eventually ended up in the Wind Ensemble in middle school and took every band class available in high school. I even lettered all four years in marching band. There is a chance that your son just might be better off with music for an elective.

what a difficult decision to make, beebee, especially as you're the one who has to make it, more or less on you own (i know you MAY have had some support, but it has to be your decision in the final analysis). i really do hope it all gets better for him.

BeeBee, did your son have any say in this? What does he think of it?

Thank you Vetivert. It certainly feels like I made the decision on my own.

Oh well, nothing is perment. If it's not the right setting we go with plan C.


I'm a bit leary of the social skills class too, Sean. Right now they are practicing a play "Squids will be squids" to present to parents. It sounds like there is a lot of role playing.

David has been very involved with the process. We discussed moving to smaller classes quite some time ago and he thought it would be a good idea. I did investigate the program. After discussing it again with him, I decided to move him. A tenative schedule of classes were made and he, me, the teacher from the program, and the admin met this morning. Seeing a schedule in black and white helped. He asked that study hall be dropped and choir added so that will be done. He is observing the program today. They asked if he wanted Social Studies mainstreamed like his math or program based. He's going to think about it over the weekend. If he can't decide, or doesn't care, I'll have to decide.

There's a line from a parenting class that I try to live by--Try to think of reasons to say yes. Its not that I'm a push over; if I need to I can say NO and they know I mean it. But in general, I try to give my sons as much responsiblity and decision making as is age appropriate. Its unrealist to think that they suddenly, at age 18 or whatever, know how to make decisions and live with the results if they haven't had practice at it.

Thanks again, all, for the input.

BeeBee

even if my mom couldn't have sent me anywhere where i'd have been happier, it would have made my whole life happier if she'd at least consulted me or listened to me at all when i kept telling her, no ma, i will not thank you for this when i'm older, i hate every second of every day and it's not making me a better person to be rejected a thousand times a day it's just making me bitter.

on behalf of your son, if he never says it, thanks for listening to him and letting him have a little control over what happens to him. he may not have an easy life no matter what you do but at least he knows you're on his side.

I sometimes wonder about you, Ghosthunter. I don't know if this is just me, because I've always known about my autism, or if other HFA'ers are the same. I was mainstreamed after having being homeschooled for 5 years, and I never felt any pressure to conform or "fit in". I am I, and how could I be otherwise? Fitting in had never been a priority or even a minor consideration of mine. Then my brothers took me out with them, and it was a disillusioning experience, to see just how different it made me. My egocentricity lifted, but this only lasted a very short time, and I have once more lost the need to fit in. If someone can't be friends with me as I am, they cannot truly be friends, yes? They are friends with an illusion, a person who doesn't exist, just another form of lying.

I empathize with you very much...there were times when I felt I would have to do the same thing.

I am sure things will work out for all of you....you are a very astute and compassionate Mom.

I hold my breath all day while Ian is at school, that no incidents take place, etc. It's not the greatest way to live, I know.

Ilene