angelbear wrote:
Also, it might be helpful to find a replacement behavior that he can do when it is getting to be too much.
That's one of the problems with our current approach to autism. We think the children are sick, we think they need "redirection," "replacement." Basically, we treat them like circus animals, subjectable to our whims on behavioral correction. We don't treat them as equals. We don't treat them as equal-rights fellow human beings. We think we are smarter than they are. We think we are entitled to tell them what to do.
How's that approach been working out in these 70+ years since the formal discovery of child autism?
Total failure. Yet, we keep giving out the same failed advice, to millions of families with autistic children. (Not referring to you, but to ABA specialists in general.) Tell me, who are sick here?
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These children need no behavioral correction. What they need is skill development. For focusing too much on their behaviors, we neglect to develop their skills.
I've described plenty of times how I deal with my children's meltdowns. I don't tell them what to do. I don't attempt to change their behavior, at all. I simply talk to them. I draw pictures. My basic message to them is simple: "life sometimes is tough/stressful, some some other times is nice/fun." That's all. I connect their bad moments to their good moments, and vice-versa. When I took out my daughter to an ice cream treat, when she was having fun eating her ice cream, that was the moment I pulled out my smartphone and drew picture of her getting upset in her school party, when she was playing bingo and not winning the game. The next time she was having a fit because I made a silly joke with her, I then could bring up the ice cream treat (and her recent pony ride at her friend's birthday), and remind her that life sometimes is bad, but some other times is good. That's all. Tantrums gone, right away. For my son, I still take him to elevator rides in shopping plazas. When he was having fun in between elevator rides, I sat down with him, drew pictures on my smartphone, reminded him of his bad moments at home. Next time bad moments happen, I would remind him about the fun time he had at the elevators.
Where in my approach have I tried to "redirect" their behavior? Where in my approach have I told them what to do?
My position has always been: my children are smarter than I am. I'd better treat them with respect. All I do is simply talking to them, as an equal. I draw pictures for them, talk to them. That's all I do. And guess what? Miraculously tantrums stop. Not only that, they acquire an important skill: how to look at the positive side of life.
I write all these things in the forum, so my children can read about my writings, when they grow up. If you are writing things that you hope your children will never read about, then I'd say you are doing something wrong. My daughter is 8 years old, and I've already written a letter to her (on her birthday), explaining to her about autism and explaining to her about her being autistic. On her next birthday, when she turns 9 years old, she will have permission to read WrongPlanet.
I can do all that, because I have treated my children with respect, as equal-rights fellow human beings, since the days they were born.
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Similarly, stimming behaviors have never been the issue. My view is: skill development trumps behavioral correction. If Bill Gates were to flap his arms and wiggle his fingers, he would still be Bill Gates. We don't worry about developing our children intellectually into Bill Gates, and all we worry is about our children flapping their arms and wiggling their fingers?
Stimming time is learning time. We don't teach our children at their moment of stimming, and we then later complain that it's impossible to teach them because they don't pay attention.
That's how smart, happy children turn into seclusive, underdeveloped damaged goods.
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Are the parents of autistic children victims? Or perpetrators?
For viewing our children as sick and intellectually disabled, we have forgotten to look at ourselves in the mirror, and see how sick and intellectually disabled we have been, in all these 70+ years.
28 Mar 2016, 5:58 am
