I am so mad!

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This is probably totally off the topic but I just have to vent a little! My 6 year old son had "award night" at church tonight. We are very involved at church, I teach a preschool class and we go twice a week (sunday and wed). But anyway, we participate in a Wed. night program for all the kids and they have these books and they do their bible verses every week etc. Well, my son did not finish his book, but only because there were several nights that the teachers didn't do verses with him! He knew several in advance but they did not let him do them because he was ahead of everyone else in his class and they wanted everyone to be on the same thing. So as a result of us waiting and him being on the same verse for sometimes 2-3 weeks he didn't get to finish his book and didn't get the recognition he deserved! I know this is a stupid thing to be mad about especially since he could have cared less about the award and would have hated going up in front of everyone and getting it, and he just sat on the floor reading a book the whole time (which was really cute) but it's just the point of us doing so much hard work all year long, doing these verses and getting no credit for it! Only one girl in his class got the award and that was because she was homeschooled and her mom did her verses! The only time when he responded to anything all night was when everyone was clapping and he looked up at his teacher and yelled "too loud!" Afterwards when I was talking to her and she was apoligizing about not finishing his book (I guess it was obvious I was a little mad). I just hate it that he was left out, especially since he learns them so easily!

That sounds ridiculous. It also sounds very unorganized. I would question the quality of the whole program and weigh the pros and cons for him doing it again next year.

What a shame. That is very unfair and you have all the right in the world to be upset by it. Maybe this weekend you can make him a special dinner or take him somewhere special as his award because you know how great he did, that is probably more important to him anyway. It makes me angry just thinking about it.....so unfair.

"He knew several in advance but they did not let him do them because he was ahead of everyone else in his class and they wanted everyone to be on the same thing" HUH??Sounds a lot like public school to me! One reason why we now homeschool. You have every right to be mad- the award thing is meaningless though - YOU know he knows the verses, HE knows them - so the clueless people running the program don't get it- so what? Of course he should have won an award.
Easy for me to say I know but I figured out that the accolades so admired and sought after in the NT world may not come to my son (although when he was in public school he wond awards-go figure?) I don't care about awards - I don't care about the approval of others -
Here's how dumb awards are - we do homeschool bowling and at the end they hand out to awards - Every single bowler got an award - what is the point of that - you bowled a 33- WOO HOO! I know some kids do enjoy getting them - but when they are meaningless what is the point?

If everyone got the same award, I would agree, or if they where supposed to mean something other then participation! Still though, for the kid who bowled a 33, but tried their hardest, it can be devistating to be told "you are not good enough to get an award". I know my bowling league when I was a kid had large trophies for the best bowlers, best team, most improved, they then had smaller runner up awards, and then gave everyone a participation ribbon, just so no one went away empty handed. I think the award for many people too is a fond momento of the good time they had, even if they did not "excel" at it, or where not "the best". My sister and brother in laws have all their certificates and ribbons and meddles that they won from back in the day day when they figure skated, I am a little saddened that my parents threw out all of my trophies and awards...

I agree about some people liking a ribbon or something that shows they participated but my son was in public school where there is such a fear of killing a kid's self esteem by not giving them a token award that (IMHO) it's gotten out of hand. When we had spelling bees in school there was a winner - we didn't all get a ribbon for participating. Ok so Helen Smith (the girl who got straight "A's" and won everything) won- she deserved it because she spelled all the words correctly. Should I have gotten a ribbon for "trying" ? I don't know I guess I was just raised in a different era.
If there is a contest and the winner as well as the loser (yes I know that term is not pc because "we're all winners") gets an award that takes away from the winners accomplishment. I personally am not competitive in any way shape or form so don't respond to awards, prizes, etc. I know some that do and to dilute the whole process by saying "we're going to have a contest and don't worry no matter how you do you are going to get an award" just seems wrong to me. In life there are winners and losers and I think it's not a devastating thing to let kids learn that lesson.
Its better for them to know that they are fine whether they win or lose.

I'm sorry...I would have been upset by that too!

This just sounds lousy to me. Don't feel bad about feeling bad -- you should!

Kris

Tell the teacher how upset you were and why was there a problem because he was ahead of everyone else? He finshed the book!

Ask the teacher if he didn't have a learning disability, and did the same thing would there be a problem? I think not, how do you think Honor Students get to be student leaders in the first place?

Ok you vented. You going to send him back?

There are times that I agree, there is one winner, and the majority of the people are not the winner! The winner won for a reason! The problem I have with not giving a kid a prize is when their are TONS of winners, and only a few loosers! I know back in the day with my bowling league, it seemed just about everyone won something, only about 1/3rd of the kids would leave empty handed, so in their minds, they see tons of winners, and they are the "looser". I got a huge award one year, I bowled a 265 in a single game, 5 pin. My sister was not a good bowler, she got a small 1st place for the second tier team award and I think she hated me a little that day. Was the answer to give her a big trophy too? No, I don't think it is, take mine away? Nope, you are right, there are winners and loosers in life, sometimes you win, sometimes you do not.

Still though, I think a small trinket or something for participation is just a little thing, not a big deal. You can still have your big prizes for your big winners, but an awards ceramony is something for everyone to get together and have fun as a closing event to a fun few months, a little certificate or ribbon is just a gesture for saying "it was fun while it lasted, thanks for coming out!" Everyone feels good about it, and why shouldn't they if indeed, they did come out regularly and do their best?

I don't usually post in the parenting forum, but this is such a good point! Example... Our high school handed out LOTS of awards at the end of year speech night. Everyone who got more than a certain arbitrary percentage got something, plus a prize for every subject in every grade, plus at least a dozen other things.... It was a very small school, so it wasn't uncommon for some classes to contain more "prize winners" than "non-prize winners", at which point it does become a bizarre kind of discrimination. If more than half the class is getting some sort of prize, isn't it time to either raise the bar, or admit it's useless and scrap it?

I agree the whole turnout sounds particularly badly organised.

we will keep going(at least for now), I teach there and church is an important part of lives. He is familiar with the kids and people there and would hate starting over with new teachers and kids he doesn't know. I totally agree with the organization problems. That is the drawback of having such a big church (and it is BIG). But at the same time, I teach there, I have the preschool class and we always manage to get our verses done, even if I am the only teacher there that night. You just do them first thing as they walk in and then you start your lesson plan or whatever after they are all done. I did talk to his teacher, she is someone I am friends with. I have permission in the future that I can sign his book saying he knows the verses and she will count that, but more than anything I think I was just tired and irritable! When it comes to my son I have to fight and fight and fight for everything and some times just once I want to not have to fight! For it to just be DONE! And yes, the award is stupid and means more to me and my NT sense of the world, I just hate it that when it comes to him he is always being treated so unfairly and he is such a sweet and wonderful intelligent boy and I love to show him off and I missed an opportunity to do so!

I just noticed you said you attend a large church - our church is also large and sometimes with a son on the spectrum that can create problems. When he was younger he could attend a lot of the programs that put on but for some reason now he hates them because they're too loud.
Our church has attendance of about 2000 a week. But the good news is they have started a ministry called "Lighthouse" for special needs kids and they're trying to figure out how to accomodate them more and have places for the kids to go so the parents can attend services.

yeah, we have a program something like that, it is called PALS. Right now he does okay with it, his teachers know that if he is having any problems to come and get me or my husband right away. I have not talked to anyone in PALS yet because I don't want to draw any extra attention to him and make him stand out more. There are a couple of other AS kids who go to church with us but they are older, I am going to talk to their parents to see how they do. We don't take him into "big church" with us (worship service) and let him go to his classroom instead, he likes that better. We used to do Vacation bible school, but don't anymore because that really was too much.