Got to get this off my chest!

Post Reply New Topic

My son is now 17. He's rather handsome, shy, dresses well and does very well in school (honors classes). If you were to meet him, you wouldn't suspect that he is on the spectrum BUT kids in his high school along with their parents label him as the ret*d kid who used to ride a van. He stopped riding the van in second grade when he was mainstreamed. And here's the kick - a lot of these kids have IEP's but didn't ride a van. Many of these kids are "inclusion" students. One of the teacher's aids told me. Her retort was "They gotta a lot of nerve." I guess when he graduates from University and goes on to graduate school, he'll still be the ret*d kid who used to ride a van. When does it stop? Will it ever? A lot of these kids are failing regular academics. Even the kids that they socialize with look "odd" to me but yet "my son" is the kid who rode the van. Transportation is such a stigma. I guess if Christ rode a van 2,000 years ago, there wouldn't be any Christians today.

Unfortunately people and children only seem to view someone as the same person no matter how many changes that person has done unless they move to another location, then it all stops because no one knows what they used to be like and therefore they won't see them as that other person.

it wont continue to university unless he goes to a school where most people know him

there is nothing to be ashamed of for riding a van and having special ed before mainstream

your son is a good example of an autistic kid having success

its annoying that these kids in high school have to focus on this riding the van stuff, but he can be free of this when he goes to college

Status in HS is a zero-sum game so if status is a goal of yours, anyone you can put under the bus elevates you. Sadly, that means that the kids on the margins themselves have the most to gain in putting your son in the lowest social place they can. They treat the paradigm as a given, b/c in essence it is. If it wasn't your son having rode the special ed bus in lower elementary it would be someone elses kid for peeing in his pants in Kinder or something.

So, yes, it won't end until he goes somewhere else and it starts over. Luckily college is not as status-oriented in that there are kids who opt out of that cr**, and they can usually be found readily, especially if you avoid frats and sororities. (**Disclaimer--I know there are frats and sororities that are not like that, but hanging with independents is a really great way to avoid that kind of nonsense and anyone in frats or sororities who will hang with an independent with dubious social standing is likely to be OK, too. If you rush, you run the risk of dealing with a lot of nonsense and possibly bullying. (JMHO))

That's the way it is in school, especially in smaller communities. Everyone remembers which kid puked in the hallway in kindergarten, what girl had a period accident in fifth grade, etc. It sucks, but it's almost over for your son. College will be a clean slate.