I'm in overload....

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As some of you have heard my son is 8, going through the DX process. Although, even his dr. is leaning twds it after meeting #2. I just want the DX so that he can start the process of learning to socialize better.

I have been actively reading everything I can get my hands. It is a God send since it is helping me understand him better. Also, small things I have tried with him are changing the meltdowns.

But, now we have a close family mbr who is dieing from cancer, not expected to make it through till Friday. In the past 24 hrs there was a very sudden and drastic turn for the worse. He (Sport_Rulz) is upset, I am upset, Little Bit (my 4 yr old daugter) is upset (by the way this is her 1st time dealing with death).

I homeschool Sport_Rulz, hard enough as it is most days. But, I just don't feel like doing right now. But, if I don't he will meltdown when we decide to restart school.

I just don't know how to help him, since this is all new to me. Plus, everything else is so hard to deal with right now.

Honestly, I would back right off and not Homeschool right now, go on sabatical. I am speaking from experiance, as I homeschooled my son from 8-12 years of age, and just put him back this year.

All you need, is to be fighting over assignments and the like. It is just not worth it, and all of you re going to need to grieve, especially after your family member passes.

If you do anything, just hold onto the core, reading, and maybe a little math, but keep it simple. Perhaps do some videos or T.V. shows on stuff he is interested too, that is really not at all stressful. When you got to "get back to it" ( I would suggest at least one month off) I would just do a little more everyday, and see if you can let him pick what he wants to do. Reward positive behavior, ignore negatives.

Best wishes, I feel for you and your children in this trying time.

I am a little confused about why you need to wait for a DX to start the process of teaching social skills... What does the DX bring compared to what you can do now? I would treat him like an Aspie, and start now as much as you can.

Most professionals go "on leave" for bereavement or other family emergencies. I don't know why you shouldn't. If it's the future potential for meltdowns that have you worried, just push back the date when your son would return to school. Schedules are very important to autistic kids and sometimes schedules are interrupted.
You say you have already gained some skills in helping him out of meltdowns, you'll be ahead of the game soon.

i know that this is terribly hard for you, and i empathize with the situation you're in.....one of the most important things you can provide for your son is routine. especially in times of high anxiety, routine can have a calming effect.

I'm so sorry to hear about your family and what they are dealing with. I totally agree with everyone else though, you really should just go on a sabatical - overload is overload, regardless of whether your an NT or an Aspie.

Thanks for your support everyone.

I am a little better today. Although, little bit, has been very clingy. This is her 1st exposure w/someone who is dieing. I have never known how to cope myself, so I don't know how to help her cope other than to be there and let her cling to me all she needs.

Sport_Rulz behavior was very well behaved today. No meltdowns. He has been very quite. He does meet w/his dr tomorrow. I plan to let her know what is happening before I leave. She is meeting w/him by himself for the 1st time. I feel really weird leaving him there for that.

i remember the first time we left our son at the docs by himself.....felt wierd. he did ok though.

It is so hard to watch and wait for a family member to pass away. I am so sorry your family has to experience such a loss. Unfortunately, routines have to change sometimes, even for an Aspie. Just try to communicate with him on his terms as much as possible.

My son may start going to the doctors soon by himself. I agree at 12, he needs to start having some alone time with doctors. I find with the pead we have been seeing though, that I go in to "observe" and becuase of my sons aspie ways, everything is "good" and "fine" and "ok". He does not advocate for himself. I really think I need to at least have a "follow up" after the appointment, or give the doctor a "heads up" prior to talking to my son at this point!

I hope everything went well!

She mostly dealt with him. When she said she would meet w/him by himself I thought she meant "By himself" literally. So as a result I had little bit with such "fun" and his dr. talked w/him and worked w/him by himself. Then she asked me about what has been happening & I told her about everything this week. She tried to get him to talk about it but he refuses. I can tell he is holding things inside, I am hoping to find something to nite re grief.

But, today has been a strangly nice day. ( I am not used to these type of days.)

Thanks for the support. It is awesome knowing your not the only out there.

I used to be very concerned about the whole academic thing for my kids. When my 13 yr. old son was going through the diagnostic in November he was in class at school that was horrible for him. The school would not make any changes until he had a diagnosis so I made a decision to take him out of school until the school saw things my way. It took 2 weeks and they made a lot of threats and tried to guilt trip me but I knew that he needed a change and I needed a break. I also found that he was ready to get back to his routine after his "stress break". It sounds like you and you're son could both use a break. If you can keep even a little of the normal structure it shouldn't be hard to get back into routine once you're ready. He may have a meltdown when he has to go back to schoolwork but just take it one moment at a time.
My thoughts are with you.

Thanks.

My mom is sending me some literature from hospice. I hope that helps some. He totally refuses to talk about his feelings. He refuses to do anything other than eat, watch TV & play video games. My husband (1 of the most patient people I know of) is loosing his patience with him also. It has been really hard dealing with everything going on in the house right now. I literally had to leave for a while 'cuz I was sooooo frustrated. I have explained to DH what I think may be going on with him. He tried to be understanding to a point, but lost it over chores (not being done at all). I am just really worried about him. He needs to express something, but not shut down totally.

Little Bit is doing better. She is back to being care free.