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Hello, I have a 5.5 year old who just went through the entire IEP/psycho-educational testing at school. He is an AWESOME kid who I have known is "different" for about 3 years. According to the IEP team he has a “very likely” probability of autism according to me and the teachers answers. and he has “clinically significant” concerns in areas of hyperactivity (he has already been diagnosed by developmental ped with ADHD last month).

He scored a 133 on the FCI cognitive abilities test- which says it was in the “Upper extreme range” and the academic achievement tests all scored in the “very advanced” range with grade equivalents of 1st grade to 3.3 grade depending on subject. He is in TK now and "should" go to Kinder next year. He is Not qualified for an IEP or special Ed services because his probable autism/definite ADHD/behavior problems don't negatively affect his academic performance.

But, because of his ADHD diagnoses he DOES Qualify for a 504 plan. We will have a meeting after may 5th (when we get all the results from Doctor assessments RE: ASD and any other recommendations with the ADHD) to come up with the 504 plan.

He is in the 99% for iq. The Vice principal said she has never seen any kid be in the 99% in a meeting and the school psych said in 8 years he is #5.

We are pretty sure we are going to put him in 1st grade next year-but are just worried about him socially. But then again, since he has ADHD and (most likely) autism, he will struggle with that regardless of where he is. Right? I just don't want him to be bored learning his letters and numbers again next year when he can already multiply/divide in his head and add double digit numbers. And he's reading at almost a 2nd grade level.

We are waiting until we get all results from doc to sit down and explain to him that his awesome brain works differently than most and that he is super smart and funny and lovable even though it does.

What else do we do? What do I ask for in the 504? Thoughts on accelerating him to 1st? Any advice for my just starting out down this journey of having a child with some special needs?

Thanks!

FYI: a disability does not have to affect academic performance in order to qualify for an IEP. It has to affect a child's "educational experience," which includes soft skills like socialization, executive functioning, communication, motor skills, etc.

I highly recommend finding an advocate and bringing them to your meeting. Kids on the spectrum (like mine) can often do well in school for a few years before the deficits catch up to them (you will notice, because it will suddenly feel like your child is "falling behind" instead of just being quirky - the reality is that other children will make a developmental leap and they will not - which is why autism is classified as a developmental delay.)

I'd also recommend finding a private developmental center that your insurance will cover and having them do a separate assessment. Our school's assessment was accurate, but they downplayed many very serious deficits that could have been corrected much more easily had my son received therapy at 5: pragmatic (social) speech was a big one, and is a common deficit in highly social, highly verbal kids on the spectrum (I would ask about speech therapy even if you're sticking with the 504.) See: http://www.asha.org/public/speech/devel ... ragmatics/

Ask your team about functional skills and whether your child needs "functional goals" via an IEP - those are the non-academic skills and services the school is responsible for. See http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/relsvcs.indepth.htm

I know I must sound like one of "those parents," but I wish someone had warned me when I took my quirky kid to elementary school. The school just didn't see the future outcome of letting the functional skills slide, only whether they could tick the correct boxes on the paperwork and make us parents feel better. My son is fine now, but in third grade had almost a complete breakdown and we wound up in the ER over suicidal ideation a year later - and finally had to get a lawyer in 5th grade. We are in a highly sought-after and acclaimed suburban school district in a major metropolitan area.

Sadly, you have to be vigilant: I don't think any school is funded appropriately for special education, and most approach services with a "hoarding" mentality. At the very least, a trained SPED advocate (many states offer them through the board of Ed for free) knows the system and can tell you if the school is working the system or really has your child's best interests in mind.

I would not throw him into a 1st grade class no matter how brilliant.

Socially he will sink like a stone, at least in my school district unless he gets boat loads of social skills support.

Why can't the school supplement his academic issues while he learns the the social skills in Kindergarten? 1st grade now is really more like 2nd grade when I went to school. My friend with her ADHD son (who is also very bright), held her son back in kindergarten as he just wasn't there socially. He couldn't handle transitions, couldn't tolerate being around others or working in groups. 1st grade (at least here) is all about group work, sharing, listening and following instructions. First grade teachers may indulge less than stellar behavior the first couple months, but then the gloves are off, the phone calls start and it's a hassle.

You can have a very high IQ and socially function 4 years behind your real age. I would look at gift and talent programs, where kids can have high IQs and other issues like ASD/ADHD etc. I would look at supplementing the work he would get in kindergarten. I like all the suggestions the PP made.

My husband was a kid like the PP's child. 140 IQ, but died in school due to similar speech issues and executive functions problems. Those really don't rear their ugly heads until 3rd grade. That is when NT kids make a huge leap in their social skills development. If your little guy is behind already, that will become a hot mess quite fast.

Also remember the school will be thrilled to advance him to 1st grade because it is cheaper. Supposedly he will be academically challenged, and you will be off their backs. That does nothing for his soft skills which are really important.

Last word, brilliance doesn't get you a job. Being able to survive an interview does. There are boat loads of people on this board, with multiple degrees and very high IQs that can't get a job or keep a job. Almost all their issues are those stupid soft skills.

I completely agree with tawaki
I did skip and that was awkward and still I knew everything that had to be learned but never caught up socially,
take it easy on the academics, do something extra, eg musical education, learning another language or creative videomaking, whatever is interesting for him, rather then putting him with older children.

I glossed over that your kid is diagnosed with ADHD and not ASD (yet).

My husband has ASD.
Our best family friend has severe ADHD.

This is for a comparison on friends and social skills.

My husband has the social skills set of a 13 year old. He has face blindness and can not read body language. All non verbal social skills just about escape him.

Our ADHD friend does know all that -unspoken social stuff-, does seem more in tuned with people on the surface.

My husband has way more friends and gets along with just about everyone. People don't mind being with him. Yes, people think he's weird, but like the goofy professor weird. He does the aspie monologue, and has awkward moments, but usually people's impression is he's sweet. You may not want to hang with him all the time, but no one is actively trying to get away from him.

My ADHD friend has lost 8 jobs and he is 53. He knows what to do, but his impulses high jack his brain. He runs his mouth. He talks over people. He can not sit still. He has the attention span of a gnat. Bull in a china is a good description. When he starts talking too loud, and going off on different tangents, I can see people really trying to extract themselves from his interaction.

Remember a 504 is not a legally binding document. A IEP is. I've seen teachers blow 504 plans off, especially for ADHD students. Some teachers are great about following a 504, and some know they can dog it.

You don't want him labeled as *that student*. Yes, he's incredibly bright, but if he's eating into classroom time with behaviors the teachers don't like, smart doesn't matter and he's the PITA kid. That label will follow him. If he can't socially interact with his peers because of impulse issue and/or lack of social skills, not good. I saw those kids on the playground. Everyone avoids them, or the ADHD kid winds up getting into trouble.

A teacher friend used to work in GATE (gifted and talented education). A good 1/2 of her kids were twice gifted. Huge IQs and severe ADHD. Or ASD. Or ODD. Or some combination. It takes a special teacher to harness all that smart AND deal with all the behaviors.

Do not let the school BS you. I would seriously get an advocate for that meeting. My school district is terrible about giving any supports that cost them $$$$. I'm sure the school is all over him going into 1st grade. IT COSTS THEM NOTHING. They are hoping it being more challenging (sounds like your child could do 2nd grade work so that is crap), that somehow he magically will simmer down and become part of the crowd.

Don't let his high IQ over run the other issues. You don't want the phone calls/progress notes/emails/come pick him up calls. You don't want him hating school. You don't want to hate school. Lol....

The more you get now services wise, that is money in the bank. Also you can drop IEPs. There is no way I would settle for an 504 plan for an kid with a high IQ and ADHD. The school will just pass the buck and say it's your problem when things crumble.

It sounds terrible, but I've seen too many good kids and families screwed over and hosed by the system.

Good luck! Your little one sounds like quite the charmer.

Hi justaspeck.
You already mentioned concerns for your son's social wellbeing, but there is another important aspect to consider about regular schools: They are rarely adjusted to autistics' sensory needs (one example being fire drills driving some autistics absolutely nuts), so you would do yourself and your son a favor to check if sensory sensitivities exist, and if they do, if and how you can deal with those in case your son would go to a regular school.

Welcome to WP!

You guys are seriously helping so much with the personal stories and insights. I appreciate it more than you know!

No problem - I think those of us who have had less than stellar experiences at schools (I've had mixed experiences, awful elementary, stellar middle school, meh high school) feel like we didn't go through it for nothing if we can keep it from happening to another kid.

Another thing to note: schools won't do anything unless it is IN WRITING. Email will work, and is time-date stamped; any conversation you have about your son's needs or the school's response, send an email with the basic gist to the person you spoke to entitled "confirming our conversation of (date)"

Sensory issues are the hardest to get supports/therapy for, school OTs are incredibly overworked and - at least in our district - typically serve multiple schools. We probably should have gotten OT for sensory issues, particularly for proprioperception and spatial planning...DS did eventually figure all that out, but only because we loaded him up with classes in Tai Kwan Do, Tai Chi, Circus Arts, Parkour, etc. Not sure how he figured out how to apply those skills to writing, but he did...no thanks to the school. (I am a bit grumpy about that, yes.) They may try to offer you accommodations instead (adaptive PE, earplugs, fidgets, yoga balls) but you should ask them how they plan to help him learn to manage without those things (if he needs them, he may not learn to manage without them and there's nothing wrong with that - but the school shouldn't get off the hook for educating him in how his body works, it's part of their job.)

This might end up being a little random, because I'm taking a break from an intense work deadline and my head is still more "there" than "here," but here goes.

In general, I think you should keep your child with his age group. First of all, IQ and skills or not, since he hasn't been through kindergarten, you don't know which building blocks he has not been taught, and if some are missed, it can make things complex. Second of all, developmental readiness is HUGE in elementary school, as the organizational and attention span expectations expand rapidly with each grade, and every minor difference will start to amplify. My NT daughter is the among the youngest in her grade, an extremely bright GATE student, yet every year first grade through fourth we had to struggle through the fall as her development tried to catch up with what was expected of her in the way of increasingly long school days, increased homework loads, increased organizational expectations, and more. If I had it to do over again, I would have held her off one year just to skip those 4 annual periods of misery. Yes, it eventually balanced off, but you have to remember that this was my NT child, not my ASD child, and if you add ASD into the mix ...

ASD is a developmental delay often strongly affecting things like the ability to complete long homework assignments, sit through long classes, and meet organizational expectations. My ASD son was in school with his age group and we STILL had to work extremely hard with him during long extended periods to cover the developmental gaps. They weren't as predictable as my daughter's, they didn't predictably hit every fall and then resolve; they came on like tidal waves. Middle school was THE WORST. I basically had to take on the job of full time admin assistant so that my son wouldn't flunk out of classes where he knew 100% of the material.

Yes, there have been times both my kids have been bored. Like your son, they are bright. The same level of bright; who knows (there is only so much these tests tell us). Sure, there were times they blamed school for making the work too easy. But we approached it all as life skills, things they need to learn to deal with because it IS real life to have busy work. It IS real life to remember to turn in your assignments. It IS real life to have a teacher who cares more about how nicely you laid out a paper than about the content. It IS real life to have to produce work for someone who prioritizes things very differently than you do. And so on. They aren't in school just to absorb material, they are in school to learn how to get along in LIFE. The earlier you start practicing the better. And, yes, they absolutely are allowed to disagree with it, think it is ridiculous, etc., as long as they play along enough of the time to accomplish what they need to for their own future goals.

Also, remember that ASD tends to come with extreme gifts and burdens, and what you don't know yet is whether or not there will be a subject your son may never master, despite how bright he is in every other subject. For my son, that subject would be spelling, and I could not have told you that when he was 5.

What they call "scatter" in IQ elements is extremely common with ASD: not all elements are genius, some can be very below average, and paying too much attention to the summary number can keep people from adjusting for the weaknesses.

Try not to hook too hard onto the IQ numbers; your child is a unique individual and, as great as it is to hear your child is amazingly bright, it can also set up unrealistic expectations as well as lead to disappointments. Don't allow your family or your son's school to fall into that trap. Always pay attention to what the here and now are telling you, not what you think should be happening because you know how smart he is. I have a really high IQ and having that information can be a handicap. It takes a lot more than IQ to learn and succeed, and people can form highly unrealistic expectations when they know the number. Keep your son's teachers from doing that. NEVER assume that "of course he understands." With ASD, you NEVER know that. Scatter, remember.

Absolutely have a 504, if you cannot get an IEP (I dispute the idea you can't have it, as well, but once your son is in school other qualifying factors are likely to come into view, making the process easier). Look at the top of the board for some of the common things we like to see in IEPs, and realize you can place them all into a 504, with the exception of asking for services. Broadly, 504s are accommodations; IEPs provide services. Anything that keeps you on the radar of the special education department and allows you to call in for special meetings is useful.

Most importantly, make sure you have a school that is flexible and adaptive. If they believe in teaching to the individual child, the whole child, you are likely to have teachers that will engage with you on a regular basis to make sure your son's needs are met. There are many ways to provide a little extra academic challenge while at the same time supporting developmental weaknesses; the best teachers know how, and it will make a big difference. If you have teachers that really do understand ASD, it won't matter if you have a piece of paper or not, and it won't really matter if your child is in the right grade or not; he will simply, naturally, thrive.

Good luck!

I was also fed this bullshyte line by my son's former school. Don't you believe it for a second.

Hello,

First grade would be deadly. Go to the school year which his social skills fit into.

My background was similar, for a while i was smart so could figure out what to do to "fit in" (sort of). However, everyone then leaped ahead and i became the socially behind kid everyone picked on etc.

Cue 6 years of hell as i struggled to have any friends or do anything social.

In the end, i was back two years by the time i hit my final secondary school. With peers 2-3 years younger then me i was better matched socially. I was still behind and struggled, but the gap was smaller.

These days my friends are all from professional channels and vary between 5-12 years older than me. Im very much "looked after" by them (they hold my hand crossing roads etc!) but we are still really good friends.

So, based on my experiences i would caution agains academic stuff being the main indicator. Kids won't bully as much for being the smart one, as they will for being the one with no social skills. Get it wrong now and the bully will last the rest of his time at that school.

Hope that helps,

Jamie + Lion

Put him in Kindergarten....but make sure he gets to do advanced work when he is home.

I just want to echo some of the others' sentiments... I would personally not skip a grade at this stage. I have a 4th grader and 1st grader who are both on the spectrum. My 4th grade son is young for his grade... being a late july birthday (september is the cutoff here) and he does struggle socially. He was very advanced at a young age, but a lot of it has tapered in terms of performance... He's in the gifted and talented program at his elementary school, but still needs accommodation in certain areas. Socially, he gets on better with kids from the grade below him... I even have thought at times that I should've held him back for this reason!!

Ultimately, I'd wait it out another year or so.. if you find that he's totally floundering and it seems due to boredom, then I'd figure something out, but you may find that he's just fine in his grade.

Welcome to WP! I largely agree with the people expressing concerns about pushing your son too far forward too fast. There's no rush. Your son may be highly intelligent, but, if he has autism, that intelligence probably won't automatically translate into social prowess or even academic success. I also mostly agree with momsparky's insightful reply (there are surprising similarities between her experience advocating for her kid and my mom's experience advocating for me).

I recommend reading the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)--it is codified at 20 U.S.C. § 1401 et. seq. "Child with a disability" is defined generally in § 1401(3)(A). You can access the statute and the accompanying regulations from the Code of Federal Regulations here: https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/20/chapter-33. To be clear, I am not saying that your son does or does not qualify for an IEP or otherwise providing any type of legal advice or statutory interpretation. I am not very familiar with IDEA, although I should be because my story is a great example of why IDEA was such a good, um, idea. I feel that my own unlikely success story was made possible by the fact that I was legally entitled to, and received, special education and an IEP. That and a lot of hard work and determination. Good luck with your journey--I wish you and your son the best.

I agree with Tawaki also! There is so much more to school than knowing how to read and write. The social part of Kindergarten is so important! Like Tawaki said, all of a sudden you see the other kids do a huge jump and become much more mature. I saw this happen after Christmas, this year, while my son is in First Grade. All of a sudden, his emotional immaturity is so much more obvious. The other boys seem leaps and bounds older. It's quite obvious. Makes me sad.

That is precisely the moment that you shouldn't be forced to think that your child should be molded into a neurotypical child. They have a different path of development. By neglecting to develop their own strengths, you end up with a child that will mature much more slowly.

I myself only started to think verbally in my late teenage years. Before that, it was entirely visual: no words inside my brain, when I did all my thinking. This even when I spoke 3 languages: I kind of assembled all my sentences on the fly, but my thinking was non-verbal.

I only became comfortable with eye contact after I was around 35 years old or so.

I have been looking back, and in all these years, I have come to realize that I had to grow up all on my own, which is not an efficient way of growing up. Basically, no one around me understood how to raise me.

Instead of wanting to force your child to become social, don't do that. Develop their strengths first. Socialization will come later, for free. Probably find out some sort of common-interest clubs around your area. I guess I learned to talk better with business people, because I have long track record of being TA in schools, and giving presentations in conferences. What I mean is, you can prepare your son to give presentations, record them, edit them. Use your son's own interest to introduce him to give presentations/speeches. I know many scientists that are introvert and shy, but guess what? Once they start to talk about topics of their expertise or interest, all the shyness is gone. Looking back at my childhood, I never did have those opportunities. Yes, I built my first radio receptor at age 9, and complicated radio transmitters sometime later, BUT, I never had a chance to give presentations to other people. Parents/educators should provide those opportunities. As for my lack of eye contact or difficulty on looking at people's eyes: no one ever drew pictures for me, when I was growing up. You can "talk" to your son by drawing pictures for him, you can let your son draw pictures and explain to people the story behind his drawings. Start from his points of strengths: prepare cartoonish video clips, make him do presentations (show-and-tell style). Animation video clips are great for a large number of reasons: choppy voice can be edited into a continuous speech, so your son gets a chance to hear his own perfect version of speech and get used to it. Repetition makes perfection, too. (Video clips can be played infinite number of times.)

They don't do any of that in school. So, it's up to parents to do that. Our school system is like at least 20 years behind in understanding autism, and 10 years behind in technology. By the time schools understand how to raise autistic children, your child will be already old. So, it's up to each parent, for now.