My Daughter

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I am Mum to two bright and bubbly Daughters, ages 8 and 5.

Nothing has been diagnosed with either of them, but I strongly suspect my older Daughter is somewhere on the spectrum, I also suspect I won't get anywhere if I did want her to be diagnosed. She is clever, and from what I can see, blends in well enough socially that she doesn't appear all that different, although social interaction has never been a natural or easy thing for her. I feel that lots of her behaviour has been copied rather than it being natural or instinctual.

But at school, despite the fact she is clever, she frequently does little or no work, she makes very little eye contact, she will chatter away if it's something that interests her, but will barely speak when I wan't to discuss anything else. The smallest criticism or reprimand will leave her sobbing no matter how I word it, or the tone of voice I use. She is sensitive in other ways too, she can smell that there is a mango in the fruit bowl immediately, even if she can't see it, and bad smells seriously bother her, she always asks for the tags to be cut out of her clothes and she dislikes loud noises. She likes all the usual 'girl stuff' but sometimes she latches onto a certain interest and it becomes like an obsession, like when she had an 'invisible magical unicorn' as a pet, and it interfered with her school work and the few shaky friendships she had at the time because this unicorn was constantly 'with' her, she wouldn't do her schoolwork because she was busy caring for her pet, and she wouldn't play with her friends if they didn't also play with her pet unicorn. This wasn't a long time ago. She has told me she feels like she is different from the other children, and I think she is right. I feel like I am constantly sorting out some kind of emotional crisis from her, daily or several times daily, sometimes it's minor stuff, other times it takes up several hours and she goes to bed looking like she is going to burst into tears again.

She is also alot like me, but the only diagnosis I have ever had is depression/anxiety. I never felt like it was the whole story, and I kept going back to the doctors many times in my late teens and early 20's, but it never seemed to amount to much.

Not sure what post is supposed to achieve, but thanks for reading anyone who has

From what I read, I don't really sense autism in your daughter.

It seems as if she is of an especially creative/sensitive ilk.

Clever screen name; do you gesture a lot?

Perhaps you are right, perhaps not, I have had two separate people tell me that they think she is autistic also, one a friend who has an autistic son, the other my mother, which took me by surprise as she is really anti label, but she also knows her stuff when it comes to children, she was a childminder for a long while. I know neither of these amount to a diagnosis. But in either case both these people suggested it without me mentioning autism, they came to the conclusion she might be completely separately from me.

I would love to know either way from a professional, she struggles on a daily basis whatever the problem might be, and her self esteem is at rock bottom.

The people you mentioned have actually seen your daughter; I have not.

Therefore, it would seem as if their view would be much more valid than mine.

I was basing my impression upon what you wrote.

I wish you luck in your pursuit of services. I hope your daughter reaches her maximum potential.

Well been in the UK makes this easier for you so just get her assessed if you are concerned. It might not be but doesn't mean you can't get other support with her.

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosi ... tting.aspx

_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me )

What you describe in your daughter sounds very familiar to me; I am a very high-functioning female diagnosed in adulthood.

I think I would have suffered, rather than benefitted, from having been diagnosed as a kid. But-- I'm getting up there; I was 16 when Aspergers became a valid diagnosis in the States. We know a lot of things now that we didn't 20 or even 10 years ago. Treatments are changing (if you get good help), becoming more oriented toward optimizing autistic functioning and less oriented toward imitating NT functioning (or at least so I'm told, as I haven't been lucky enough to actually see it in practice).

I am also told it's better in England and parts of the Continent than in the States. Treatment here (US) can still be pretty medieval-- very Skinnerian, very behaviorist, very dehumanizing-- if you're not very lucky.

I guess the first question to ask is, What do you hope to gain from confirming that she is indeed somewhere on the spectrum??

Thank you for replying,

I have been wondering if she does get a diagnosis whether it will actually help her at all, I have no idea what treatment is like in our area, and from what I can gather, the UK is a bit of a mixed bag, and there is a bit of a postcode lottery as far as healthcare is concerned. And I don't know what a diagnosis would mean for her long term, whether it has the potential to negatively affect her life when she she older.

I'm not really sure what I hope to gain, I don't really know what she needs, I'm just not sure my attempts at helping her are always very useful, she is very similar to how I was as a child, and somewhat to how I am now, so on one level I 'get' her, and I can relate to almost everything she is feeling. But on the other hand, I don't feel like I have it all figured out myself yet! She get's some extra support in school, which is called ELSA and stands for Emotional Literacy Support, it is useful, but her teacher doesn't think it is enough and they don't have funding for anything else.

Tonight she spent a full three hours worrying that she won't be able to get a good job, or possibly any job when she is older, and she was getting upset that the children in her class laugh at her or get annoyed at her when she is struggling, she went to bed feeling physically sick over it all despite my reassurances. I feel there should be some other help she should get, but if there is, I don't think it can be accessed without some kind of a diagnosis...

She must be really intelligent to be concerned about getting a job at age 8. There's some maturity there, too.

When I was 8, I was oblivious to all this.

Why does she feel she'll have this sort of trouble?

I know for my little it helped her to have a diagnosis. She was aware that she was different from her peer group and having a "label" gave her a reason. Not an excuse but an understanding. However we also treat her ASD as a positive thing. Yes it has it's challenges and yes she needs help in a different way but over all we treat her being an Aspie as good. It's a part of who she is and we love every part of her. So for her the diagnosis was like a confirmation that she wasn't bad or broken. Or even weird because there are many people out there just like her.

The anxiety thing might or might not be a sign of autism. I have read alot about anxiety being more common among girls with autism (mind you this was years ago so I don't have any sources). I know mine has anxiety. Is there a way that you could have her meet with a psychologist or a counselor? Not necessarily for testing but to help her with just her worries. I know that my little has had her anxiety improve just with her learning to know when she is anxious and having things that she can do on her own to help herself. We practice breathing and we work on talking things out. We act out different things that are bothering her or draw them. The talking can be hit or miss but the others work wonderfully majority of the time (however for me to know whats going on she has to tell me....as much as I wish I could just know exactly why all I can see sometimes is the reaction). It's not a cure but her anxiety has become more tolerable for her now that she has some tools and understand.