Girls with Autism

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The ITV documentary is, at least for the moment, on YouTube.

It was helpful for my non-autistic wife to see this. It helped her to find a context to better understand our daughter.

I think this documentary helps to answer a lot of questions about the difference ways the spectrum can be seen in girls.

Hopefully it will be helpful to someone else to see it.



My apologies if this was posted before and I missed it.

Thanks, Adam.

A very compassionate, yet strict, school this is. I saw a documentary about a similar school, which is coed and in a section of London. I will have to search for it.

I would not send my daughter to a school like that. At least, not yet.

I think she would hate it and I think she is going through a lot right now because she is 14. If she can handle the mainstream school, then she will be better off for it in time. But she may not be able to handle it and then we will have to find an alternative.

She saw this film and told me and her mother about it. She understood that it would be helpful for us as we try to help her through growing up.

Really good one to post for others to see, yes. I watched this documentary a while back and felt so glad that it was broadcast, hoping that it could show the general public a side of autism that there still isn't enough general awareness of, that of presentation in girls.

I liked how the girls shown were of a good range, demonstrating how differently autism can manifest even among girls of the same "level". And you had more clearly noticeable behavior, ranging to girls that seem closer to "normal/NT" yet they too are on the spectrum and have challenges and need the help a school like this can give. It was a good range of girls to show.

It was strict though -- I think I would have actually had more meltdowns than usual if I personally had been handled the way one or two of these teachers were shown handling certain situations.

That was a great film.

Interestingly, I did not find it strict at all. I do not believe my daughter needs such a structure and routine, but I can see where it would be beneficial for many.

Adamantium, I think it is really positive that your daughter brought it to you. You must be proud of her.

I am very proud of my daughter. She is brave and compassionate.

She is having a really difficult year and seeing her go through it is immensely painful.

I don't know how to find the right balance between structure and routine and freedom and room to grow. At times I feel like the worst and most inadequate father because I don't know what the best approach is.

The thing that keeps me hopeful is the love that is shared in my family.

I have is not been around much, so I don't know if you have already shared in what way your daughter is having a hard time, or even if you feel like talking about it.

Your daughter is the same age as my son, and the one thing I have noticed with him is that although he is normally very even-keeled, when he escalates these days, it extreme and not typical for him at all. Last year in school I got a call from him saying that he was freaking out in school, that he couldn't take it anymore, and that he was going to hurt himself if he had to stay in school. Needless to say, that made me freak out. In working through it with him, he did not understand that saying you are going to "hurt yourself" is a euphemism for suicide. He was literally talking about breaking his finger or arm. But that still shows the extreme stress he was under.

The interesting thing is he is no longer in a mainstream school district. He is in a special STEM high school that is designed for kids who are not performing to their potential in regular school. He goes for 6 years then gets both his HS diploma and an AS in computer science. To give you a picture, my husband went to one of their science-fair type days and came home and said to me "you didn't tell me this is a school for kids with Aspergers." It's not. And although the kids are mostly quirky, I don't think most of them are on the spectrum. But my point is, even in a "better" environment than a mainstream HS, he is still struggling. I think a lot of it is the age.

14 was a VERY hard age for me. Looking back, if there was one thing my parents could have done that they didn't, it would have been to acknowledge that I was not like other kids, that I would never be like other kids and that it was 100% OK that I was not like everyone else. I think their tacit belief that I was "normal" made things so much harder for me, because I knew I wasn't, but there was no support available for me to be anything but normal, and I had no choice but to fail. ANd I was painfully aware of it at all times.

Your daughter is already strides ahead. She has you. And even though you may make many mistakes, she has you. And she knows you understand. And, at least looking back at the 14 year old me, that may have been the only thing that could have helped make those difficult years more bearable.

Adamantium,

I haven't watched the video yet but it sounds really interesting. I am sorry your daughter is struggling, so, and to echo what others have said, 14 is a very rough age.

As far as structure vs. freedom, I have issues navigating that also. The easy thing is when either extreme works out, and you can just go with it. I bet that's rare, though. I know that in our case, we really need a balance, and it is tough.

If you guys can get through the next couple of years, it may very well get easier. I think I settled down by senior year, if that is any gauge. I was going through some other more complex family stuff, too, so it may have been extended because of that.

A boy in my son's district committed suicide last year. I took it as an opportunity to have some pretty serious discussions with my son about the topic. When I shared with him how devastated I would be if he ever did that and how I would never be able to get over it and it would ruin my life, it really made a mark on him. I was crying when I said it and I told him I could not even imagine what the boy's parents must be going through. What every Christmas, New Year's, Birthday, etc. would mean for them for the rest of their lives. He said no matter how horrible he felt, he would never be able to do that to me. It was a brutally honest conversation. What do you think would happen if you had such a conversation with your daughter, if you haven't already? I understand it may not work with all kids, but it worked with my son.

My daughter is terrified of growing up. She obsesses over her signs of physical maturation and sometimes I find her tearful or sullen and when I ask her why, she says it is because she does not want to grow up. I ask her why and it is usually because she sees being grown up as having an additional level of responsibility and she feels she has a hard enough time with handling pre-teen responsibilities. She's got a point.

InThisTogether, just wanted to say, what you say about your daughter feeling that way about growing up resonated with me because when I was her age, I felt exactly the same thing, for the same reasons. That feeling was huge in my mind at that time. I did not feel ready for anything because what I felt like I already had to deal with, already felt like a lot. I can relate to your daughter even now, because I remember that vividly.

Thank you for sharing this video.