A little help please

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As some of you know I have been dealing with the schools for my 7 year old HFA daughter and my 16 year old son just medically dx'd with Asperger's. Well I'm filling out my concerns paperwork for another eliginilty meeting on my 7 yr old girl after a child study meeting at school went nowhere and they decided to pass it off to special services. I could use any advice, theories, direction to links or articles, that anyone can throw my way on how to come back against the school when they say things like, "She was dx'd HFA....by a professional?, We don't see any of that here at school." I try to explain to them that she is very literal and ridgid and all about the rules, so what they see at school and what I see at home are two very different children. She is so ridgid at school, she puts all her energy into making sure she never does anything that might result in a referral. This means acting the way they want her to, doing her work, and never doing anything wrong. No stress there at all!! This takes all of her strength and by the time that school bus pulls up she is ready to explode. I get the girl who is whining, and crying and throwing fits over the slightest thing. The poor thing that now sleep walks three or more times a night and has nightmares. The little puddle on my floor some mornings begging to just stay home today because it's just too hard. I can't imagine the stress of trying to be perfect every minute of the school day. She doesn't do her stims at school, so they don't see that. They just don't get it, the sheer fact that she is so ridgid should be a sign something is out of the norm, instead they tell me she is a people pleaser. I am the one who has to see her suffer from the anxiety and stress and when I tell them she is stressing they don't believe me. I am sorry she is not outwardly autistic enough for them to notice, but that doesn't mean she isn't hurting because they are not educated enough to see it. Any help would be appreciated.

I could also use some help on learning disabilities. They say she is too smart for those too. You see my 7 yr old is very smart, but has had problems reading and after I complained and complained only to have them tell me she was doing ok, they all of a sudden put her in a reading program because she was below grade level..DUHHHH! But anyay, she improved drastically with the specialized help, but is still having extreme difficulty with written language skills. She reverses letters and numbers, has unusual spellings for words (ex: haogs for house) and her spelling grades have taken a turn for the worse as difficulty has increased. She is really smart, not bragging but really really smart so the large discrepency between her broad academic knowledge and her written language skills tells us there is a problem that will only get worse if not attended to. The psychologist has made the recomendation to have her in a program like Wilson's, but they keep telling me all this is normal and they don't see the need. I know it is not, but they have an excuse for everything I say to them. The letter and number reversals are because she is left handed, and the unusual spellings are perfectly normal for a soon to be 2nd grader. I know they are going to spell phonetically and not get words right but she has some very unusual spellings for words that don't fit the norm, yet they say it is ok. I have put together samples of her work showing the problems she is having and I am working on writting up my concerns, but this is my last shot here and I want to do it right. Any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated as well.

I'm afraid I have the same questions as you and can't offer advice. I eagerly await advice from others.

I have a 7 year old aspie and my 8 year old (who we suspect is an aspie) is going for an appointment at the end of May.

I've asked the school for advice and help re my 8 year olds escalating anger, anxiety and poor self-esteem.

He doesn't cause any trouble at school so they haven't given me any help, and have said he can't possibly be aspie because he is no trouble at school.

Perhaps you need to have the specialist either come and talk to them, or have them write something for you to present to them...............unfortunately, you seem to have the same difficulties with the school system that many of us have at this point in time~ that is, our children are not far enough out of the realms of "normal" academically to warrant any special interventions ( according to the school systems).

ster is right, are you sure that a copy of your daughter's dx is on file with the school? If not, make sure a copy is included in her School Records. Until that happens the school will continue to set up road blocks for her. From experience, until we had a dx for Z the school did nothing but once one was in place they took steps to provide the services he needs. We still have to step on a few toue to ensure things happen but at least they listen now. Also, remember school staff are not Qualified to make a dx ore to override one made by a professional.

I will be keeping an eye on this thread. Keep us informed.

Thanks. this is so frustrating, maybe I need to get on the Get It Off Your Chest topic for a while...hahaha!
Yes she has a dx on file, I made sure of that with copies three times now, but they always act as if this is something new. Do you think they have not formally put it in her file? The special services department also has it on file, but I do not think they ever put it in place with the school because they had the same attitude, "She is too smart to be autistic", so she never qualified for services, just empty promises of follow up.

This overriding of the diagnosis is what drives me crazy. I know that they are not qualified and are not supposed to be able to over ride the dx, but they find a way to everytime. This is actually a section of the paperwork I am working on now, you know that wonderful column for "Other Comments." Some of my words to them are going to be.............

"No one I have dealt with in the school or the county is a doctor qualified to make a dx of autism, and I am left to deal with "opinions" based on basic training methods designed to catch obvious red flags and outdated stereotypes"

I am going to contact the doctor and have her write something up or contact them by phone. I just want to have as much information on hand to back up everything...drown them in paperwork if you will.

Keep the replies coming and thanks.

I think maybe that's the problem. A doctor makes a diagnosis and that's the end of it. The specialists don't like to step on each other's toes so a doctor doesn't usually feel comfortable giving the schools advice on educational interventions. That's the domaine of the psychologists. Have you done a psych ed evaluation? Those are the people who evaluate educational needs and suggest appropriate interventions. This is the evaluation you need in your kids file.

If the school has done an evaluation, look at their results. If you don't agree with them (or the interventions), request another evaluation to be done privately and then compare the results. The schools are obligated to pay for this. Of course, they never tell you that.

Yes the doc I refer to is a psychologist and she has performed the full psych ed. evaluations and made the dx, and wrote up all the reccomendations for an IEP, but the school ignores the dx, and explains away all her issues with lame explanations.

Definitely time to bring her in! How frustrating! Maybe bring an advocate too who will use terms like FAPE, mediation and due process. Like we don't have enough problems! I feel for you.

Oh yes. Time to make the school people realize that many Autistics are extremely gifted. It took us several years to get Z Tested for advanced academic classes because he was behind sosially. Maybe tell the Psych the school seems to doubt her credentials. That should stir things up a bit. Z's psychologist is, hopefully goin to be able to attend his next IEP meeting later this month, and we definitely intend to have him there when Z transitions to middle school.

My sons' school definantly has sad many 'outdated' things to me at school re Asperger's.

If/when my 8 year old gets diagnosed with Asperger's too I will definantly be bringing the psychologist from Minds and Hearts to come in and educate them.

What makes me particularly furious is the Learning Support Teacher told me is she has known my 8 year old son has had strong Aspie Traits for 3 years!

I think my 7 year old was lucky to get the teacher he did. Her son has Asperger's so she recognised it and pushed for a diagnosis (guidance officer was saying, no, he doesn't have asperger's)

Smelena, sounds like your school is tied up in the same type of beuracratic mess as schools here. They are more concerned with their budget than they are the needs of the students. My question is how do we combat this reactionary thinking other than by millions of individual battles?