in-laws

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How do u get the in-laws to understand and except the dx Asperger's instead of thinking they can just yell at him.

Yelling at them is always a good first start. That and giving your LG (lil goofball) permission to have a breakdown on them , you know to show them that yelling doesn't work.

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I wish I knew the answer.

I took my in-laws to an asperger's support group. They drove me there. One the way they lectured me about how lucky I am and I've got nothing to complain about ... a friend of there's is recovering from a operation for cancer ... I should be grateful I don't have cancer bla bla bla

At the support group they didn't say much, but there was one family with mum, dad and both sets of grandparents. THe grandparents were saying ... it is so hard for the parents, especially the mums ... I applaud the great job you mums are doing.

On the way back my m-in-law said, it's just starting to sink in how big this asperger's thing is. Hallelujah I thought ... but then, they said ... but obviously Daniel is not as bad as some of the other kids they talked about ... you should be grateful bla bla

I regularly get lectured by the m-in-law. Just this morning I received the same lecture I get everytime I see her .... you're so lucky it's nothing serious ... there are so many kids with real problems bla bla bal

Sorry about the rant. I'm not giving you any helpful advice.

I've been thinking I should make my m-in-law spend a day at school with Daniel so she can appreciate the difficulties he has.

Regards
Smelena

You need to write it down, and hand it out if you cannot verbalize it, because you can't verbally compete in an arguement, or they just "over talk and dismiss you".

Just tell them, "the meltdowns and quirks that he has are related to a neurological condition called "aspergers". This is not a "behavior problem" it is a "neurological problem". His brain does not work the way that most peoples do. He finds interacting with the enviornment, including his pysical surroundings, socialization with others very distressing. he finds being asked to opperate out of usual norms (routines) very distressing. (This is why you see so many problems at visits, they are not "normal day to day things".) Part of As is having intense interests, and being unable to "change directions" with thinking. Asking him to not persue and interest, or "do something when he wanted to do something else" is very difficult for him. In addition, he has problems with communicating and advocating for himself. Yes, he is highly verbal, however he is only able to apply these verbal skills in limited ways. People with AS also tend to have repetitive movements, like (Insert your sons). This is similar to tourettes, he can't just "cut it out or stop".

Then tell them, that he needs help and understanding, and coaching. If they cannot offer this in a more civil manner, then you will have to limit their contact with him. Be firm about this, you cannot waver, make them understand, or cut off the negativitiy!

my mother in law is hundreds of miles away and i've only seen here twice in the past 6 years....father in law is closer, but he's quite reclusive~probably aspie himself..................you can't make anyone believe anything they don't want to believe. the only person you can change is yourself, and the way you react to your in-laws

Just don't speak to them for 15 years. That is what my husband did to his mother.

I was nervous about my in-laws. But, after they read what Webmd said about the syptoms they agreed. (This seriously was a first). Now, they want to learn more to help him and are supporting us (this too is a first). There is a book, I seen it on Barnes n Noble's site that helps kids understand and friends and family can understand. Can I Tell You about Asperger Syndrome?
by Jude Welton.

Maybe, if they read more about it and understand that they need to him cope, and learn how to live in a world that doesn't understand the beat of his drum and he don't understand the beat of our drum.

The main thing is that everything they do as far as negative behavior twds your child will only make the situation worse as time goes by. You have to be careful of depression and so much more. Their behavior isn't healthy for you or your child you both need support more now than ever. They need to be educated or they can keep their heads in the sand. If they choose to keep their heads in the sand provide buckets outside your door where they are welcome to visit. But, inside your doors they are expected to be supportive, and educated.

Hope that helps.

I try to keep emotionally detached from in-laws. My father in-law is ok though. At least he agress with my son that it is wrong to have an odd number of periods in a hockey game.

As for my parents, they are all freaked out. I don't know why I chose to vent to them one day. It is hard to vent to anyone, including my husband because although most of the time he is sensitive this week he called my son mental (not to his face). When I vented to my parents about another of of my son's ktchen mess making expeditions (These are not accidental messes and he is 15 years old) and I said "at least he's not smoking pot and having unprotected sex", the response was "at least if he was having sex you would know he is normal.

Just remind your husband, that just because he drinks or is having sex, doesn't mean he's normal.

Normal, is all in the eye of the beholder.

We highly doubt our son will ever drink. But, our son is amazing, no matter how diffrent his brain works. He is normal in his own way. And that is all that matters.

Earthcalling~ isn't changing the way you react to your in-laws the same as setting boundaries with the in-laws ?.............you can give others all the information in the world about aspergers~that doesn't mean they'll understand it and/or accept it. this doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but it does mean that you should figure out when all you're doing is "banging your head on a brick wall"....if you're not getting through to the people who you feel need to understand, then a change of strategy is required. the only person you can change is yourself and how you react to this situation.my family does not understand nor accept aspergers...my mom-in-law just says that my son and hubby are lazy ( they're both aspie), and that my daughter is cute, but talks too much
( she's ADHD-hyperactive impulsive type). of course, i defend them & tell my mom-in-law to not speak in that manner....i also tell her that if she continues , i'll hang up on her...and i have.

Just explain to your son that the in-laws have this very tough obstacle in life to overcome, it's called being NT and they can't always relate to the things in life that are outside their world.

Corsarzs, I think you have summed this one up great. You have such good insight.

your inlaws should'nt shout at your child but you should be lucky that they see him, my inlaws don't want to know about my two kids, don't ask to see them nothing!

My mother-in-law has been supportive and understanding (father-in-law is deceased but I think he would have been the same way)....my parents are the ones that I have a hard time with. My mother has the "things could be so much worse so just deal with it" attitiude, and my father is in denial about Asperger's and autism altogether.