does my child have autism?? WORRIED DAD

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We have noticed many red flags on our 18 month old son Bastian. He's not talking yet, he does babble a lot as if he's speaking in another language, we are getting him evaluated this week and there's things that worry me and things that do not.

Things that worry me:
*sometimes he seems deaf and won't acknowledge if I talk to him, I can put him down and he'll take off running without stopping when I tell him to
*he rarely turns when we call his name- he turns about 30% of the time
*seems in love with wheels, he used to turn his toys upside down to spin the wheels, but not as much any more, he plays with his cars like they're supposed to be played like most of the time, but if he sees a stroller he'll want to touch the wheels and then push the stroller/shopping cart
*doesn't like to be touched only by his mom, he prefers to walk
*he doesn't play with another toy the proper way, he wants to toss them around or put all of toys inside a huge box and also take them out.
*doesn't follow simple directions
*has limited eye contact when I'm talking to him
*he bites a lot
*doesn't point
*he reaches with his arms if he wants something, like a water bottle, or he'll bring it to me so I can open it and give him water

Things that seem positive:
*Laughs a lot when tickled, and he looks for me to keep tickling him
*Love to play peek a boo, he laughs when I hide and then say peek a boo
*enjoys to play hide and seek with me, sometime I'll chase him and he'll try to hide, and if there
's nothing to hide in he'll cover his face as if he's hiding by doing that, laughs when I find him or chase him.
*makes a lot of eye contact during peekaboo or hide and seek
*if I pretend to cry he'll come and smack me and he laughs, may be he thinks I'm playing
*he eats solid foods, loves chicken, doesn't like vegetables, but will eat several solid foods(bread, pizza, chicken, potato) and loves fruits, all kinds.
*sometimes he'll look for me to play with him
*cries if his mom leaves the room
*loves to play with our cat, he looks for him and seems to "talk" to the cat
likes to explore new things and looks for me to see where I'm at.
*he is interested in people, just not all the time and in his terms

He's not used to playing with kids, but when taken to a playground, he'll go to them, he doesn't know how to properly play with them and can be rough sometimes. we also speak 2 languages at home, even though I know he would have some words by now despite that. He had a history of ear infections and took a lot antibiotics before getting his ear tubes put in, I feel terrible because I'm reading a lot of things about too much antibiotics, I feel so guilty that this can be my fault. I do know he has some delays, just not completely sure if it is autism since I've never had experience with this disorder before. Please advise/let me know your opinions

thank you so much,
A desperate worried dad.

(((Hug))) from a mom of a kid on the spectrum

I don't see info in your post that would indicate that anything in his behavior could be your fault.
You describe doing things with him that I would consider loving, caring and appropriate.

Tbh I am not sure it is autism. When is the evaluation and what does that entail?

To me it sounds like his hearing problems and the bilingual upbringing can led to some verbal issues.

But in many ways he reminds me of our son, who was diagnosed just a bit less than a year ago (he's 12 now).

Any emotional outbursts? Tantrums? Motor skills? How is his gait and walk? Sleeping? Other medical issues?

How is your situation at home? Stress factors? Major changes? Your personal health? The mom's? Your relationship?

I'm not an expert, like a professional, so I can only talk from experience that such things can be very complex.

Take care and please keep in touch

thank you so much!!

His pediatrician is referring us to an specialist, but since he's out of office today I've been trying to find someone myself, and it's very hard, but Im trying, he pediatrician said that he could be on the spectrum, he also had him tested for metals(lead,mercury). He's having another hearing test next Monday.

emotional outbursts/ tantrums happen when I wont let him push the shopping cart/stroller, he likes touching the wheels for a while, but most of the time he likes pushing the carts on his own. He has tantrums when I don't take him outside when he wants to, or when I don't let him go I the restroom and make a mess in there, also he hates the car seat and getting his diaper changed. He doesn't have them without me knowing why he's crying, but he's usually happy and playing, He also loves his Ipad, and knows how choose the videos he likes.
Motro skills, he can eat on his own using his hands, walks really fast, knows how to pick up things and grab things, he's not pointing to things though, prefers a straw and normal cup when drinking, no sippy cups.

He takes around two naps in the day, it can be early in the morning or around noon, and another nap in the afternoon. At night he sleeps well, even though I have a tough time getting him to sleep, I have to sing to him and dance with him, and will try to wake up once in the middle of the night because he's hungry.

His only medical issue was the ear infections, several of them before his tubes, other than that there's nothing, he used to always get colds before the tubes, but afterwards he's been really healthy.

At home, it's Me, my wife, our oldest 7 year old son who was recently diagnosed with ADHD, my mother, who takes care of him when we go to work, and our 14 yr cat, which he likes a lot, and "talks" to him in his own language. We have a good relationship, no major arguments, our life is our kids and work.

Thank you so much!!

Tbh all sounds pretty 'normal'. The car seat and diaper could be sensory. And I read some stims like touching the wheels, but all these self soothing behaviors can fall under common child development as they seem fairly controlled. I really applaud you for allowing him time to do the things that makes him happy. While also setting healthy boundaries.
Your description of the dancing and singing made me smile, we had very elaborate bed time rituals with our son as well.

Basically that is the most important thing is: can he be happy? Or does it require a lot of extra effort on your part (and your wife and mom) to keep him happy? Or is the extra effort growing with him growing older in ways you cannot relate to?

Another question would also be: what makes you think it's autism? Do you have a family history of autism? Or one of yourselves, the adults? Or do you see big differences between him and your older son?

Our son was also kind of fine till speech started and had similar sensory issues, but we just adjusted and didn't think much of it as we all are rather 'sensitive' people. He had speech therapy and that helped well.

As he grew older the emotional outbursts got lots and lots more exhausting for all of us. He is a very creative child so we could 'see' stuff by the way he draw or arranged LEGO, words he used or gestures/dances he would mimic, memorize and put on shows for us by play backing his favorite tv shows, video games or music video's over and over and over and over and over well, you get it

When the social pressure grew with kindergarten and later elementary school, especially when the severe bullying set in, it was show time.

We never suspected anything really wrong before then. More like 'everyone has their strengths and quirks'. As we had a very hard time with life and stress ourselves, we always thought it was 'our fault' because of the many unexpected life events & changes that we had to deal with as a family.

I hope you find good help soon.

Some tips I can give you is to video record as much of his behavior as you can. Some things can be really telling for the experienced eye.
Also begin a written journal of how his days go, the routines of the family, sleeping, eating, toilet habits etc. All these information will be asked by specialists so make sure to have it ready.

The car seat has always been an issue, it doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen. The diaper is been constant until recently, unless he's distracted he'll give us a time with it.
He always soothes when we sing to him, to he's used to falling asleep like that, but if he's really sleepy he'll fall asleep drinking warm milk form his baby bottle.

He seems happy, we try to give him everything he wants to have him content( even though we shouldn't be giving everything he wants), but also set limit/boundaries with other things. We struggle a little bit with him not listening or ignoring us, but it's not all the time, but it is noticeable. But if he's going to do something he's not supposed to be doing, like trying to grab my wife's make up, sometimes he'll stop, look back to see if we're going to tell him something, and if I give him a loud "NO" he'll drop it and walk away.

It's mostly the wheel, no talking, spinning things and not listening when called that got me thinking, and that prevents more eye contact to happen. Everyone says he'll talk when he's ready, but as I started reading more about autism those two things are what mainly worry me it's autism. Our oldest son had speech delay, and he's still taking speech therapy, and with his ADHD sometimes he seems like he's not listening, but if it interests him he'll join the conversation.

What age did your son begin to talk?? Was you son very similar to mine??

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, it's always comforting when someone who understands and has gone through a similar situation. I hope your son is doing much better now!

It seems to me that much of what you are describing is typical behaviour for a child that age, and your son sounds like a lovely and charming little boy. From your description there are some traces of behaviours that are associated with autism, and maybe that's what got you worried, but in my own son's case these were much, much more than traces. For example, he always turned cars etc upside down to play with the wheels. The only other thing he'd do with toys like that was line them up. So the behaviours you're seeing traces of, in autism, are usually so much more than that.

If I'm understanding you correctly, your son has had problems with his ears which could have affected his hearing for a while, and that could result in a language delay. That, and if he is hearing two different languages at home, which I think may also lead to a delay sometimes.

My son was referred when he was 5 years old and diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 7. He was talking in full sentences at 18 months, chewing stones, refusing to eat anything more chewy than custard, running in circles, flapping his hands, banging his head off hard surfaces, squeezing into small spaces, walking set routes at nursery, throwing tantrums at transitions ...

I would be more concerned about his hearing, to be honest, and certainly in the UK, where I am, those behaviours, at that age, wouldn't warrant an assessment for autism.

A report published in January 2016 by IANCommunity.org stated that "Researchers may not be able to say exactly what causes a lost [childhood] diagnosis in each case, but many point out that the children who are diagnosed and treated early tend to improve the most" ( https://iancommunity.org/ssc/recovery-n ... -diagnosis ).

This report suggests that losing a childhood autism diagnosis comes from children improving their once-diagnostic behaviors and characteristics to a point that they become sub-diagnostic, and describes the phenomenon where the severity of a child's autism appears to decrease at certain ages. For some, the decrease is so low that observation of the behaviors and characteristics is nonexistent or near to it. The reported rates of losing a diagnosis range in the published report from 4 to 25 percent with most studies centering around 9 to 13 percent.

So, it appears that early diagnoses of young children can be informative, but might change over time. And, the younger the child is at diagnosis, the more likely a change will be experienced.

I guess this is a nice way of saying that childhood diagnoses are often too early to tell with certainty. But, early intervention can help.

^It can also be interpreted to mean that we have very little ability to predict which kids have serious needs and which kids simply are developing at a different rate and pattern than typical.

We have no evidence that these children, who do so well with early intervention, would do any worse without that intervention. It's all guessing right now. The nature of this disability is that no-one is willing to do a control group where atypically developing children are left to their own devices, so we can see if less of them resume a normal development pattern eventually.

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