Eligibility meeting at school for 16 yr old,finally

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Ok so after another meeting with my sons principal, he got the ball rolling finally. They have set up an eligibility meeting for Thursday to see if he can get services. I think the fact that after talking with all of you and using the "failing to identify a learning disability" plan they realized this could be big trouble. I brought the letter from the psych that said he should have homebound services and the testing that I had done ( and gave them copies of last meeting) back in August that showed a huge problem with his math skills and the letter from the cognitive therapist saying we were indeed dealing with asperger's. The principal thankfully has a soft spot for my son and in some ways I believe feels his pain. We must do something now before we lose him completely and he becomes completely isolated. He is home usually 3 days a week and I am running to get him the other two days. The math teacher has completely given up teaching him and makes that known to him which doesn't help at all. A day at school in a class he does well in is hard enough for him, but to be in a class he cannot understand and deal with everything else is just too much and puts him in overload and this is his first class of the day. I know that the psych has suggested they use homebound schooling for him, but I am not sure about this. I feel like this may cause him to retreat from the outside world even more. I hope they do something, my experience hasn't been good with this school system so far.

My plan is to go into the meeting with a clear cut view of what I want for my son. I know in my head what the least amount of help is that I will accept and what I would like to see happen. In a perfect world I would like to see him go to a half day at school and have History, Science, and English because he can do these classes with ease and then I would like to end his day with Art or Culinary Arts because this is what he enjoys, making the school day a positive experience. Of course his teachers would have to understand when he needs a break or alone time to get himself together. Then I would like homebound instruction for math and maybe a few online courses to help get him on track for college again. I would also like to see him get occupational therapy for his sensory issues and some social skills training. It would be great if the school could do these therapies because I just don't have the money to get it done privately and technically it interferes with his learning.

Wish me luck!!

I don't think you are asking too much at all!

Demand it, you are not being unreasonable, just reading the first paragraph I was thinking "send him 1/2 day and let him go home for math!"

I think it makes perfect sense to if at all possible end his day with a highly enjoyable class, maybe send him home with a smile on his face for once!

You have the chance to catch him now, if you don't, it may be years or never before he acedmically "puts himself out there" again.

I think your plans are excellent and well thought out!

Have him doe English Science History, (are you year long or semestered?) at school. End the day with what will be positive. Do math at home or maybe with some one on one assitance from a learning resourse department? Maybe this summer he could take an online course or two? I don't think I would load him too high next year again, as I assume most of these plans you are making are for next September?

I only worry about the math, is what support will he get for it if he is doing it at home? Is your math strong enough to really help him? I would suggest also getting him evaluated for grade level, and maybe starting him at a lower grade then he may be in, just to build up proficiency and confidence. Have him self pace back to a higher more appropreate grade. Doing math on your own if you are struggling is very very hard!

I think you need to get him on track for college, however I think that sending him "on time" is probably not going to happen. Even if he does not get to college until he is in his 20's though is still a good option! I think it is best to make sure he does the best he can, it does not matter how "fast" you get to your final goal. I know my sons school is already pushing for us to lower our standards so that he can complete the High School experiance "on time and in 4 years". I am already saying "no, I don't care if it takes him a bit longer!"

How much of these plans have you discussed with your son?

Funny enough, my son is home right now instead of being in school. He woke up screaming about 'being too tired" and frankly I am just not up to the fight anymore. If I have to yell and scream at him to get him to school on time then it just was not meant to be. He very happily WANTs to go this afternoon, so oh well, I reviewed a bunch of work with him this morning, it was not wasted! Hopefully he will have a positive afternoon. I think at the end of the day, making accomidations for our childrens mental health is vital, generally they WANT to do well, we just have to give them the path to do so!


By the way, when did you get the assessment for Aspergers for him?

Thanks for your input it is greatly appreciated. I mean that!! I really think the half days could work for him. The math is going to be the big thing because No I am not strong enough in math to teach him myself. I have been told there are two home education plans, one is "home schooling" and the other is "Homebound Instruction" which is what I want for him. Home bound is like when a student is in an accident or very ill they send the teacher to the house to school them. If I can get that it would be perfect. If not then I will seek help through one of the education places like Sylvan or something I guess.

I know that he will probably be delayed in his college plans and that's ok with me. I have talked with him in great detail about what would be best for him, what he can handle, what he can't, and what makes him happy. I tempered that with what I thought he might be using to get up on me a bit,lol and that's how I came up with the plan. Funny when you sit down and get them to really open up about it all you find out that some of the most minor things affect them so harshly.

I know about that fight to go to school and I also know exactly how you feel when you don't have it in you that day. I spend an hour at least every morning fighting this fight, it can get maddening.

This "homebound" instruction sounds fantastic! I hope you can get it too! I suspect that his overall math skills may need a lot of remediation, which is just something that does not "happen" in the school and he would potentially be too embarassed infront of his peers anyway to make that kind of a backstep. Chances are with the right attention it would not be appropreate to place him in a younger level, because he will be able to move more quickly through it! There is so much overlap in math from one year to the next, they pretty much do the same thing "over and over and over" but if you don't "get" the small differences, then that is what trips you up. So doing everything over is not what he needs, it is just the small "differences" from one grade to another that he may be missing that need to be filled in, and then he should be able to do ok!

I would caution you with Sylvan or any of these big chains. They don't work one on one with your child, I don't think they really can offer the support someone who needs full instruction / remediation needs. How about looking for a retired teacher or a university tutor? I tried to use Sylvan with my son when he was 8, $600 in one month later it came to light that it was going to be useless to teach him how to read. Basically he was working in a group of 4 students to one teacher, colouring in primary worksheets, I could do that at home! If you take one hour, and break it down to 4 students, that means each student only gets 15 minutes of teacher time! And since they where not all working onthe same thing, it was not like she was giving them a group "lesson" that they all shared in!

Is there any support online or otherwise for correspondance courses?

I know what you mean by "little things" being huge barriers. I have gotten "stuck" with this sort of stuff too, just needing a little handholding to get past the "mind block" more then anything else. Even just the fear of "confrontation" real or imagined can keep a person with AS from not doing what they need too!

So we had our meeting. The whole thing kind of had that air about it like, "we're just listening because we have to" if you know what I mean, but a couple good things came from it. Two days before the meeting my son had his therapy appt. with the bi weekly doc and the doctor was so convinced at this point that he indeed suffers from aspergers that he wrote up a letter of diagnosis for me to bring. They didn't even read the letters and papers I brought with me other than to type test scores into the computer. They couldn't really get past the not wanting to be in or stay at school thing being caused by social phobia and anxiety. They couldn't understand that if he was having problems why he didn't ask the teacher to help him after school. They did however agree to do further tests within the school and then set up another meeting. So not the greatest first attempt for him, but not the worst either. I was really bummed out after it because they told me that they never do mixed instruction, meaning he either gets all homebound or all in school teaching. That kinda blows my plan, unless I can change the way things are done from now on. For now I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope I can get him to school long enough to get the testing done.

carolgatto~are you in the States ?.............if so, the school HAS to accomodate your son under the IDEA act.

Carolcat, glad to hear things are finally moving forward for your son. One sugestion, if at all possible get your son's tharapist to attend the meeting if at all possible. That "show of force" Impresses little minds that think of you as "only a parent"

[aside ]
earthcalling you are on a roll here. GOOD JOB!

STER: Yes I am in the states and you would think that I should have no trouble under the IDEA act, but that is not the case unfortunately.

Corsarzs: Yes this might be a good idea and he is local too so he may be able to make it.

sports are very important to many .....it is unfortunate that your school system chose to blame the lack of funding for sports on the need for an adequate teacher. your system is not alone in this. one of the many problems with NCLB is that Bush required all of these accomodations, but never stopped to figure out a plan to fund the systems who would have to procure the plan..........

I would try and get some additional representation at the meeting. They can't ignore and "expert" sitting at the table. They also can't ignore written documentation even if they don't "read" it at the meeting.

Get your ducks in order, find supporting documentation to his not wanting to be in school due to social phobias and anxiety and that these two things also lead to his not approaching teachers at the end of class.

I would DEMAND an answer as to why they "cannot" mix homebound with in class instruction, it sounds like that would truely be the best for your son especially with the math piece. If they cannot provide homebound, what about even just a really good correspondance course that has online instructors and such that could be contacted if he had problems?

You are in the early stages of this fight, they are seeing if the smile and nod and politely changing the subject will get you to go away. Don't buy into it! The accomidations you mentioned before sounded very reasonable to me!

I am definietly going to get the therapist to come in on the next meeting if possible. They will have done the testing by then, so we will have the "academic" side covered, but the therapist will be able to explain the social side and how it impacts his life much better and like you say, "they can't argue with the expert".

The NCLB act is a joke, it has made it so that our kids must all be able to pass certain tests to be sure they are learning the basics, but this has caused the broad teaching methods that kids used to enjoy to disappear and made a classroom into a constant test preperation curriculum. "OK this six weeks we will learn this because it's on the test....sorry no time for those silly experiments that used to help you remember what you were learning. on to the next test subject." What happened to exploring a subject completely, hands on and finding enjoyment in learning.

On the other hand it has made it so that every child who looks like they might not pass that almighty test and get the school the money they only get if enough students pass, get put into a remedial class for extra help. Now this would be a good thing, except that this fear of a child not passing causes so many kids to need this extra help that they only get into a program until the minute they are declared back on grade level and then the help ends until they drop below grade level again. Knowing that constentcy is key in learning this is a plan set up to fail.

OK, I am gonna shut up now, because I could go on and on, all I know is NCLB hasn't been applied to my three.