Pls help me understand his world

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A few questions from a new aspie-mum:

My chappie, who is almost 4, is making no attempt to dress himself at all. Is this normal for an Aspie? I think it may be becoming a problem at his playschool as he always has to be helped to put on his clothes by the teacher when younger kids are at least making an effort.

You will find this hard to believe, but he is needing an underarm deodorant already. We still soap him ourselves in the bath so I know he is washed properly but by the morning or the end of the day he smells like a marathon runner under the arms if I do not apply deodorant. Is there any harm in this for such a young kid? It is a hypoallergenic scentless roll-on called Sanex.

He has lots of obsessions but one of the most irritating ones is with ears! He always wants to see peoples' ears and tries to stroke them- even relative strangers have their hair lifted up as if to check that everything is in place!! It is a wonder that our cats and dog have any fur left on theirs.

When he was about two he started to stick his finger in my eyes a lot so I told him that he could play with my ears but not my eyes. That is when it all started and I think he misinterpreted it as permission to do it to everyone. He stops when asked to and does not throw a fit about it but will start up again a few minutes later, especially at story time or when greeting dad at the end of the day or when he is picked up after a fall.

He is battling with theory of mind -is it too early to intervene? Especially he does not get that we can't understand what he is telling us about without some context included. He launches off in a long story about something that happened sometime, somewhere to someone and we are clueless. What are some things we can do to help ground his story-telling a bit more? Questions don't help, just make him pause and then run on with the story.

He has never asked the question "why" or "who" or " when". Ever. He asks unnecessary questions such as "Where is Daddy" when his father is standing a metre away from him or he has just left his father in another room.

Lots more ??s but that is enough for now!! !

haha This all made me chuckle a little.

He sounds like an aspie, all right! Don't worry; he will grow out of most of these things. I never asked appropriate or normal questions as a kid either. And dressing myself? At FOUR? HA! (At 27, I now dress myself quite nicely, thank you very much) But seriously: You're lucky he's even talking. My first words were on time, but I didn't actually talk until I was six.

The only thing that sounds out of the ordinary is the sweating. Is it possible that he is having a reaction to something in his diet? Many aspies are very sensitive to certain common foods.

alot of the things your little guy is doing sounds like typical 4yo kind of stuff

Yes I would stand and have my mum dress me I can't remember how old I was when I dressed myself.

And Yes! watch out for those E numbers E142 has an absolutely evil effect upon me (often found in sweets)

Yep, sounds like there are certainly some AS tendencies there. I think it is just a matter of time. 4 is very young and I think that even if you did start some kind of intensive therapy now, he would be limited in what he is able to understand.

As for looking in ears, all AS / HFA kids have their obsessions (mine was cloth and lego) and soon enough he'll move on to something else.

I think that, as you say, telling him he could touch your ears might have confused him a little. What is often meant by 'lack of imagination' in the triad of impairments is, as is exemplified in this case, that your son thinks he can now touch all ears, and not just yours. It's like saying to an aspie child 'don't write on your desk'. They may well not write on their desk again, but will not understand that they shouldn't write on ANY desk unless this is clearly explained.

Regarding the perspiration - it might be worth consulting a medical professional about this. As others have suggested, it might be worth changing his diet - I am on the gluten free diet and I also avoid concentrated sugar (e.g. sweets) and have low casein and avoid pulses and also I can only have citrus in moderation.

With deodourants, some people would argue that you should use an aliminium free deodourant - others would argue that aliminium is the key ingredient so is silly to avoid - perhaps it might be doing some research on this or speaking to a medical professional.

Yes, he was tentatively diagnosed by a child development specialist when he was 3 and this was confirmed by a visiting expert in autism about 2 months ago. So we have done a lot of reading and have got the excellent book by Tony Attwood - "Aspergers syndrome -a guide for parents and professionals"., which really filled in a lot of gaps in our understanding.

South Africa has a long way to go in the educational support field - no such thing as classroom helpers for "different" kids and most classes in the junior phase have about 45 kids per class!! ! (And that is the top of the range schools!) But we live in a seaside community about 30kms from a city and the local school is excellent with about 20 kids per class so he will get good attention once he starts pre-primary. (The year before big school when he is 5 going on 6 years) It is an outdoor-bound school with a lot of emphasis on hiking, climbing, orienteering etc as well as the usual sports. Our little guy loves the outdoors and to run so he should enjoy the cross-country team.

The idea of early-onset puberty has occurred to me. Will talk to paediatrician about it, though he does not have any other signs as yet.

I think I dressed myself at the normal age, but I remember having trouble tying my shoes until I was nine. I was advanced in reading and other academic skills, but shoe tying was difficult for me.

Your little boy sounds a lot like mine (who is nearly 5 1/2 now)! My son dresses himself now, but wasn't doing it on his own when he was your son's age. We went through the "ear fixation" here too...my son liked me to put my finger in his ear when he was tired. We would be walking along somewhere, and he'd suddenly reach for my finger and stick it in his ear.

My son also didn't start asking "why....because" type questions until just recently, and I'm all too familiar with him launching into a long story with some missing context! He is a newly diagnosed Aspie as well.

i think he has a very big, sub-optimal bit of software running in his head, that can, at least in many cases, be turned off - see my site below - very, very best wishes in your love for him

My 8 yo still needs to be reminded about little stuff (clean underpants everyday )He was slow at dressing himself. Why do it himself if someone else would. So we started working in small steps that way. If you put your pants on I'll help w/the shirt & socks. Then, if you put the shirt on I'll do the socks. He really struggled more w/socks so I'd help him w/that until he could manage it. My 4 you on the other hand wants to do everything herself. She don't want help, and already wants to be a mom. I think she was dressing herself at around 2. She is very independent, he is very dependent. We joke that we'll have to move to be near which ever college he goes to since he'll probably want to live at home till we make him move out.

Welcome to WP & Parents' Discussion

I have to say you have gotten a good introduction to some of the folks here on WP. Hope you enjoy your stay here. I'll say most of them have given great advice so I won't repeat it.

Re: dressing Z's pediatrician said not to worry too much about it , it will come with peer pressure. Z can dress himself but just this week he put his pants on backwards and wore them the whole day. "just Got confused" when he couldn't find the Tag, no big deal. Oh, yeah, he's 10. He'll get over it.


With the sweating could be prercocious puberty or just overactive or too numerous sweatglands. I had a friend when I was a kid whose hands literally dripped sweat, Summer and winter. There are solutions for that if it becomes a real problem.

Welcome, and thanks for what I considered a refreshing set of questions. [pun intended.

I can get serious and will do so later, just kind of punchy right now.