we've been thrown out of special school!

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I'm so angry!
I expected more from a school for Aspergers / HFA.
My son has been away from school since January and had in the mean time been diagnosed with epilepsy and ADD. His medication is a work in progress - not perfect yet. But still - I didn't think his school would give up so easily.
We were at a big meeting with doctors, his teacher, and a reprentative from his school yesterday, and we expected to plan how to get him back to school. We have a very good teacher working with him at home, who has used enormous energy in planning his reintegration to school. It turned out the school won't have him back. He is "too expensive"and "too difficult".
I was shocked and horrified, as I thought my son's teachers actually liked him, thought he was very charming and have said he has great intellectual potential.
And the big question is what now? What school will have him, and how on earth will we break the news to him: his biggest motivating factor has been getting back to his only and best friend at school.
I really feel a school for Aspergers kids should be a "haven in a storm"- offer support and advice when the going gets tough. I am really disappointed.

Katrine, my deepest sympathy. Is this a private school or one funded by Government agencies? I am woefully ignorant of the laws in your country, do you have legal options?

How old is your son and why is he "too expensive"?

I'm sorry, but Special Education IMHO is really a sad joke. From my experience they are merely a very expensive baby sitting institution. There are so many children on waiting lists that if a child is even the tiniest bit distruptive for their "teachers", the child is out and the next on the list is let in. If you can afford it private is the way to go. But very few people can afford to go that route.

That's awful!! My blood is boiling!!

Can you part-time home school him?

I'm part-time homeschooling my 7 year old and this enables him to cope with school.

I'm really sorry to hear about this school.

I'm so sorry for you and especially for your son.

I don't know your system--is there an appeals process or is there a way someone can come in and advocate on his behalf?

Thanks for your replies - it really means a lot!
The school is government funded. There actually is a private school which would suit him, but they don't have room for him just now. In Denmark, the bills would be sent back to the state, so ecconomically it would be OK IF we can get him a place and IF we can get the state to pay - the school is out of our region, so it is a little tricky. He would have to travel about 40 minutes each way, but that would be quite OK.
The other alternative is state funded and on paper looks OK - but I'm afraid it's a one way ticket: you get sent there if you are REALLY bad, and there is a long way back to the "normal" world.
Homeschooling: the scholastics I can deal with, he is fun to work with. The behavioural problems, his real problem, are too big for me to change on my own. This despite my best intentions.

The problem is that at the moment he is more than a handful! The combination of HFA, ADHD and epilepsy along with high intelligence makes him hard to deal with. He seems very well functioning because of his good language, but socially actually probably is like a 2-year old. He worms his way around rules, and (unmedicated) has a meltdown when we follow through with consequences - the meltdowns being the main reason the school won't have him.
Ritalin really helps him, and apart from being much more concentrated and less impulsive, he very rarely has a meltdown (every second week), and if he does, they are very "lame". The problem is that his epilepsy medication doubles the metabolism of ritalin, so the dose has to be adjusted, and the doctors aren't finished fiddling with his medication.

I guess I have to work really hard at getting that good private school to take him as soon as possible.

Perseverence in the face of adversity seems to be our only option when working for these kids. My best wishes and prayers.

There's a set of books that I highly recommend that you check out and even perhaps order. I know shipping would be high but I think they could have the potential to help you. The books are called "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Chronically Frustrated and Inflexible Children". There's a companion book about Treating Explosive kids for teachers, therapists, etc.

I don't know what all you've tried (probably everything you could think of!) but these books outline a strategy for working with difficult children that many parents find works better than anything they've tried. This has been the only thing that's really worked for addressing behaviors at our house.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_/002- ... sive+child

hope things work out soon for you and your son..............just because a school is for individuals with Aspergers & HFA does not mean that they are equipped to handle every case. I'm sure others will hate me for this, but I think it's best that they tell you that they cannot handle the situation now rather than tell you after something horrid has happened. if they are not capable of giving him the support he needs, then you really are better off finding him a different placement.
is it possible that they don't have the medical staff available to deal with the epilepsy ?
also, i would try not to take it so personallly. you seem to say that they no longer view your son as charming. that 's not necessarily so. we've had students at our school that i've loved to teach, but we just weren't able to provide a safe enough environment for them.

Ster, I'm not going to hate you for stating that. But I will disagree with you to a point. I agree that it's decent to admit your failings. However, this school is supposed to be geared towards this boy's particular needs. To back out of it and say he's "too expensive" and "too difficult" is throwing back the blame and reneging on their deal. (legal or not)
My son's school did the same thing until we pulled him out and dealt with the district. Then the district tried to say that they adequate education, that inappropriate was legal. Hard to wrap your head around it. "Our education is inappropriate but adequate, ergo we're not breaking the law" Luckily, we had "access to free education" on our side and beat them at their own game.
However, I don't know Danish law and if Katrine can use any of the above for her case.

What is the real crime here is the reputation issue. This school thrives on being a "special school". They probably get extra monies for their services and yet, they are denying the very person who needs their style of teaching. Here in the States that is fraud.
We have a private school here that boasts and advertises that it integrates "high functioning" and Asperger's kids. When a parent took her child to an open house, they said right off the bat, "your child wouldn't be welcome here in the Fall". First impressions decided that the child was "too low functioning". Bah! But they'll gladly take donations, high tuition fees from people who think they are tolerant and integrative.

You have my sympathy.

Again thanks for the replies. I ordered "the explosive child" and can't wait to read it.
Answering coszars: he is 8 and he is expensive because at the moment he is one to one, and needs his own classroom. Catch 22 because he thinks he needs the company of his friends and used a lot of energy "excaping" to join them in their classroom or the playground.
As usual I guess Ster is right, but it's taken me a week to get that far: it was such a about turn-about on what the school had been saying for months and months, (that he belonged there) that I felt absolutely entitled to fume, rage, vent and generally feel sorry for myself and my son. The school is new, and the teachers aren't experienced enough to deal with my son. But they didn't admit they couldn't cope, I would have had more respect if they had. Rather, they wouldn't accept the friendly advice of the teachers who have been working with my son.
It has been such a long haul, and it is going to be really difficult to find a school that will suit his needs, and that has room for him.
Also, I am very hopeful about his behaviour. and think that a combination of drugs, excellent teachers and massive structure at home will pay off. He will always be "challenging" but the last months we have already seen such changes. From being afraid of going outside, having huge meltdowns, and being depressed, we have him cycling 20 km every second day, walking 10 the other days, which itself is great for his behaviour - and great for me, too. He is happy and we can play with his friend. I guess I expected his school to pick up where we left off.

About the school's rep: I'm hoping they dug their own grave. Denmark is so small that stories get round the autism world very quickly.

coming back around from disappointment has been a real learning curve for me. i still have moments that i just want to throw in the towel and give up because it's all too much to deal with. i'm sure there must be another program out there that would be glad to have your son

I'm afraid of making the wrong decision about where he should go - he is all over the place developementally. Obviously his social skills are really poor - even in comparison to other kids with autism or aspergers. But his language tests and IQ came up high last time he was tested.
I guess I think he is all over the place, depending on what test you do. Some of the pros think one of his problems is getting bored when school work is too easy. I don't think it is that easy, I think the problem may be that he functions extremely badly in some areas, and extremely well in others. I now all autistic kids are like this, but I think he may be really extreme.
So where will he fit? The structure in a school for really bad autistic kids would suit him fine, but he needs to be stimulated intellectually, too, or he will act out.

Katrine, your son sounds so much like mine. He's also 8, same issues, same intense 1:1 at school, intensity at home. We have finally rounded a corner and have found a combination that works for him. Like I mentioned previously, he's in an Asperger's classroom in the public school system. From Sept to April he was only with his assistant, in his own room. As much as HE thought he could be in the classroom with his peers, that wasn't the case. He's still not even in school full time. First we started with just 2 hours a day and now we're up to 4 hours a day and he's in the Aspergers classroom for the entire afternoon. Socializing with just a few peers at a time. We started him on an anti anxiety med (very low dose) and we've got a good schedule going at home. Now he's finally settling, feeling self confident and soaring.

I remember vividly that feeling that you have because that was us last year. Spencer is in his 5th school in just the past 2 years. We ended tried homeschooling (wasn't for him at all and I'm well versed in homeschool since my Mum hs my sister). But we kept at it and we found what works. I wish you strength, peace, and some time to take care of YOU in all of this. Big hugs.