How to explain to my family how unpleasant relationships are

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I have a problem, and would an opinion of people matching the demographics of my target audience. Namely, people older than me who have kids of marriageable age. In the last few months, my family renewed the pressure on me to settle down, after being dormant for nearly a year. They keep saying how it's time for me to get into a long-term relationship, that I'm old enough, that life isn't about fun (WTF?), blah blah blah, ad nauseam.

I get it: maybe the Great Depression, the World War II, the later wars, and the 1970's energy shortage drilled into my family's collective head that life is supposed to be, by and large, boring and difficult. But as a Millennial, I ain't buying it; despite the 9/11 and the Great Recession---heck, maybe even because of those.

Heck, I even moved from a semi-nice apartment to a more cramped one with the same rent, just to live near a rail line that functions as my gateway to fun and partying downtown (no need to elaborate ). I did it after all my long-time friends got super-serious super-quickly. The move ticked off a few people in my family, but meh. They later made peace with it, because now, when I go out partying in rain and snow, I'm in the relative safety of a train, rather than on the roads; plus, they know I drink. I also made a new friend (female, 22) who lives with roommates (plural!), just to be independent, despite her own neurological quirks (not AS). I see a lot of myself in her, and admire her for doing that.

Here are my arguments against settling down, that I would like to get across to my family.

My parents argued CONSTANTLY when I was growing up, even when I was sitting in the same room, screaming at them to stop, only to get ignored. They also threatened each other to get a divorce, with me in the room. (My older sister moved out when she was 18 or 19.) They also made sure to hide their marital problems from the rest of the family, so I'm the only person who really felt it. I think they tuned out or repressed those memories, because they claim not to remember anything when I ask.

My friends stopped having fun altogether the minute they settled down. Even getting a friend to go to the gym with me is like pulling teeth. Never mind doing a guys' night out; it's like getting a Southern Baptist to reject Jesus. Meanwhile, I joined a really fun activity group through Meetup; it's full of free spirits like me, who want nothing to do with having kids (at least claiming to), and instead prefer the company of friends, pets, and sports. Even settling down seems far down the priority list for most people there. Mind you, it's a mixed group of guys and girls in their freaking 30's! I ended up becoming pretty good friends with two guys in the group.

My entire family ruled me with an iron fist until I moved out. Going to school was a nightmare, because getting a C on a banal homework assignment resulted in hours of berating at home, and redoing all the work until it's perfect. I still had an 11:00 PM curfew at age 24, for crying out loud. And now, people in my family keep telling me to move back in with my parents (WTF?). And since a significant other is a type of family, I'd rather jump under a speeding train, than allow someone to waltz into my life and rule me with an iron fist again. "Live free or die!" It works for the state of New Hampshire, after all. And it works for me.

My last relationship was downright abusive. It lasted 2011 thru 2013, and she abused me almost the entire time. I stayed for only three reasons: (1) misguided loyalty, (2) sex, and (3) believing that it's indeed time for me to settle down. So after I broke up with her and went to the police to make sure she doesn't contact me again, I felt so relieved, I was surprised. I didn't miss her even slightly. (When my family met her, they said she seemed OK.) And in my relationship before that, in 2009, my girlfriend was obsessed with getting serious and starting a family. Lucky for me, she dumped me after 2 months.

P.S.: yes, yes, yes, I know that my opinion is controversial. So please bear with me. For the purpose of this thread, treat my statements as true, and help me get the message across to my family. Namely, that I want no part of something that'll ruin my life and destroy me as a person. Because if not other people's, then my own relationship will be unpleasant.

P.P.S.: yeah, I know, "get therapy/counseling/etc". Haha! I had enough experience with botch job therapists as a kid/teen, that I was no part of it, except when necessary to get work accommodations and stuff like that. So at least for the purpose of this thread, let's exclude this option.

I think most parents just want/hope for their children to be happy. You could explain that, for you, what makes you happy, right now, is being single. You appreciate their concern, and maybe things will change in the future, but for now all is good. And that the pressure they are putting on you to be in a relationship is making you uncomfortable and unhappy.

This is really a matter of setting boundaries. You're an adult, on your own, enjoying life. But it sounds like your family worries and feels they know what is best for you. Reassert that you will make your own decisions about your life - that you know what is best for you!

Best of luck!

I am not in your target demographic, but honestly I don't think you owe anyone any explanation. My mother would word it something like, "When are you going to get a life" Meaning getting married and having kids --and at the time I had zero interest in it, and found it to be very insulting, of course.

So she was happy when I did get pair bonded, and procreated, but I didn't do it to make her happy, nor would I have refrained from it to spite her. I did what made me happy, when I wanted to in this regard.

You are entitled to that, regardless of cultural expectations from your family. You are happy. You are not a burden on anyone, so they need to butt out, and honestly after enough of this, that is what I would say.

"Mom. Dad. I like being single, and IT'S MY LIFE. If you want grandkids that badly, the local hospital is probably full of opiate-addicted babies that need someone to help them through withdrawal, and the foster care system is screaming for families. MY LIFE. MY DECISION."

Yes, this will anger and offend them. OH WELL.