Do you ever feel this way?

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Like sometimes you don't want to go on message boards like these or attend support groups anymore or hang with other parents with special needs kids because it's like "can we talk about something else besides problems with our kids IEPs or medication or his/her latest meltdown"? I actually love this website and have found it to be one of the most interesting and relevant one for help in dealing with my son. I am not saying that sharing and helping each other is not vital - it is. But sometimes I just need a break and need to talk about something else besides my son. Tonite I will sit in the waiting room during my son's 1 hour social skills/therapy group and there are some very nice moms there too...but what do we talk about the whole time - Aspergers! OMG! And what do I do when I go online in the morning - I come here thinking if I don't I'll miss some brilliant insight or piece of information that can help me through this. I also attend a support group for parents of special needs kids at my church and I don't know if I am going to keep going. I just feel like "I'm the parent of a special needs kid I should go- how stupid ! Some parents seem so beaten down by this - I know it's not how life was supposed to be for our kids but it's the hand we're dealt - let's deal with it and enjoy life while we can.

I am in no way downplaying the true, daily struggle of some parents whose kids don't speak, can't take care of themselves, and on and on, I did need support in the beginning because I was so freaked out by the word "autism" . But it has gotten better with time and I can only speak for my experience -my son was diagnosed with Aspergers - he's 10, extremely high functioning, on no medication, smarter than I am, has an extremely good sense of humor, insatiably curious, is extremely sensitive and kind -so he talks too much? doesn't like to play sports? is a little "weird" (only by the NT society definition) SO WHAT!??? Why do I have to sit around feeling sorry for myself and think I need support - i'm just so tired of not actually living because of this diagnosis (which only happened last year) .


Anyway.. this post probably made little sense to anyone but myself but I feel better just by writing it.

Yeah, I like this community (WP as a whole) because I can discuss other stuff with Aspies. It's not just ideas, treatments, support and news about autism. I can never learn enough but I realize that I overrun my family with all that saturation.
My ideal is to have friends that understand my autistic world but are friends, plain and simple. Meaning we can talk about anything. Lofty goal, but I'll get there.

I think it's understandable that you're feeling this way. Maybe that, in itself, is some insight into how your son feels in a world of neurotypical people. You just want to be around other people like yourself, talking about things that interest you. That's how we all feel! Don't beat yourself up for needing to take a break from the Aspie world for a while.

I know what you mean. It's a balance for me. I've only recently been diagnosed, so I still like to talk about it with other people and read about it because there is still a lot for me to learn and it also helps me understand my issues better.

But one of the things I like about this site is that I get to communicate with other aspies - with people who understand me etc. about ANY topic. It's a good way for me to meet people who are from 'my planet' and I have found it pretty much impossible to meet people like this in person in my area and places of work - so this site in invaluable in that respect.

I think it is normal to feel that way, particularly because AS is not a in your face everyday thing, eventually once you get it mostly figured out and get "on course" with your families life after DX date, life does just kind of "go on". Not everyday is a challenge or a struggle all the time!

I have another less intense community friendly site I belong too too, there it is not "just ASs" that is discussed so much. I also visit a Guinea pig website frequently, although not as much anymore. There everyone is in the closet with their AS!

Sometimes I find forums about other things I am interested in...

I don't have friends in real life, other then my husband of course!


Certainly there is life to be lived outside of discussing your childs special needs! You should never feel "obligated" to go to or belong to a support group!

It's normal to feel that way.

Sometimes I just look quickly in the Parent's forum but spend most of my time on the Random Discussion.

Most of the threads there are extremely funny and after reading a few (with lots of LOL) I am ready to face the world.

I suffer with a major depressive illness, and could not tolerate a support group. Why would I want to mix with other depressed people? A bit off subject I suppose, but I think it is healthy to have a life beyond the problem.

i think it's un-normal to not feel that way.............sometimes i just want to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around my son and his issues.

Thanks Nannarob, this helps explain why Cor is so reluctant to look into support groups.I really do mean thanks, she is dxd as clinically depressed and that can be a challenge sometimes too.

Actually this post makes a great deal of sense. We all suffer from emotional and physical burnout. That is why Cor and I are going to take next weekend away from the kids. We love them but sometimes we need time to our ancient selves. Oh, we'll talk about them some but we will discuss other matters of somewhat less Earth shaking importance, then we'll start missing the mayhem around here and be eager to return to their smiling/scowling faces. That my dear is parenthood. Ain't it Grand? I wouldn't want it any other way.

Support groups can be really frustrating. We tried to gear ours (in California) towards just parents hanging out, but other parents wanted it to be morelike a visitor center, with services and emotional/parenting counseling.

Smelena

I, too take a quick look on the parent's forum, but check out Random Discussions, or Entertainment forums. It's just a comfort knowing there are other parents who can relate to our challenges, & I'm not a bad parent.

I'm catching up on the boards - so I'm coming into this late. I have to say that for me, I have a LOT of other things going on in my life besides being the parent of an Aspie. I go to school, I work from home promoting indie rock bands and doing PR for them, and not only that - I have a group of friends that I fly all over the country to visit twice a year. In fact, our next visit together is coming up in June, and I look forward to getting the time away. For me, it's very important to obviously be involved and informed as an Aspie parent, but it's also really important for me to be myself and not just "mom". I think it's really imperative to find that balance, otherwise you'll burn out - and that goes for whether you're an Aspie parent or an NT parent. Parenting is parenting - regardless of how you have to do it, or how many different WAYS you have to parent.

yeah I think a lot of parents would agree with you, it is only natural. Having a "special needs" child just takes up more of "you" no matter how well that kid can function. Sometimes a break of some sort or an escape is just the thing you need to stay sane! I do sudoku puzzles or play games on the random board for just this reason, something to take your mind off AS even if it is just for a little while. I think it is mentally healthy to do so.

I remember the year I was so sick with kidney disease and yellow-skinned and my husband was in his residency and the oldest child was depressed (at age and we found out our difficult child had severe autism and the baby was a baby---- once a month my husband and I would go to a C.S.Lewis book club and discuss one of his books. Every month we had to find a new babysitter because no one would repeat after our daughter stabbed our waterbed or cut off half her hair or bit the babysitter or drew 86 bunnies on the wall or or or, and I would think this can't be worth it. But every month we made the effort and went and got to think about something other than our problems and talk about ideas and loveliness. No one asked why I was yellow. No one gave us advice about how we needed to discipline our child. Instead, we got to hear quotes from Chesterton or Dorothy Sayers and found out about other authors we derived much enjoyment from.

"No one gave us advice about how we needed to discipline our child. Instead, we got to hear quotes from Chesterton or Dorothy Sayers and found out about other authors we derived much enjoyment from". quote (doing it my way)

Wonderful. You've got the right idea. You have to maintain a sense of your self, the aesthetic, in order to view your son/daughter with fresh eyes. I find my son inspires me all the more to write and see the world in its most honest form. The particulars, the details are never overlooked, the faults of the educational system, all of these are unveiled through my son. He forces me to puruse what is right and requires fixing. We are making the world a better place, part of a progressive change.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" (Plato)

And inbetween it all there is the reading, the writing (fiction), and the teaching. I am very busy living.