Twins Twins Twins

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Hello,

I want to thank you all for the wonderful posts. I’d like you all to know that you all of your information is greatly appreciated.

I am the father three. My youngest is an 11 year old girl with Asperger’s syndrome, some ADD issues and a math learning disability. She is the typical girl with the curl. When she is good, she is delightful. When she is bad, she is horrid.

A majority of her problems revolve around school. It is the cause of many a meltdown. She is currently in a standard 5th grade class in the local parochial school. She has an IEP, but the school is not following it. We have decided to move both twins to the public middle school in September. They have inclusion classes that may help. If that doesn’t work, we will request a school out of district.

She is the younger of fraternal twins and the NT child is often ostracized as if she too were an aspie. I was wondering if you have suggestions as to how to balance the social needs of the two.

Thanks All

Would sending them to different schools be possible? I don't know if you want to go that route though, becuase it may end up alianating the girls from eachother, creating an even further divide. However, the NT child may just need a place to create her own identity, discover who she is without her sister around.

Otherwise, I would definately suggest setting up different social activities for them, maybe not all the time, but you could try some sports or art classes for example that both girls do not attend together...

I'm not sure about sending to different schools. Hmm. Professor Robert Winston did a BBC program called The Secret Life of Twins.

My youngest sons are not twins but they are only 11 months apart. The 13 yr. old (T2) has AS and the 14 year old (T1) is NT. T1 is an athlete and an exceptional person that I admire more than anyone in the world!! (Getting teary eyed here) . He found that as they got into the older grades, he was in 7 and T2 was in 6, his friends began to think that it was funny to tease and taunt T2 because he was "weird". T1 didn't know why T2 was so different and began to resent him. When we found out that T2 and the oldest son (S, 16 yrs) have AS, T1 was so guilt-ridden that he contacted the school counsellor and talked to him about these friends. He made a choice that day that would have been impossible for most people. He went to these kids that he had been friends with for 7 years and told them that his brother had Asperger's. He told them what it is and how T2 is a really nice, gentle kid. He also told them that he would not allow them to treat his brother badly and if they chose to do so he would not be friends with them. He was in the popular crowd and lost all but two of his friends. He began to look at the kids at school that aren't "COOL" and found the best friend that he has ever had. This has all happened since December. And the new friends are alot like his brothers. I was so proud. He now sees the same therapist as his siblings to deal with the issues that having special sibs can bring. He has his moments when he is sad for them or resents them a little but he is allowed to do that.

I will write more but I have to get my daughter from school.I'm late!

I was trying to make a point in all of that writing. Sorry, I'm a little long winded. I make T1 go out with his own friends at times and I try to get T2 to have friends from his class. I try to make sure that T1 has his own interests at school and doesn't just try to look out for T2 . The counsellor at school is aware of the situation and as I said, T1 is seeing the therapist. The other boys are done with therapy for now but he has more concerns than they do. He is also going to help lead a group for siblings of kids with AS. I am lucky that I live in a city and there are more resources and many more children for them to interact with.
As for the school not following the IEP, I would be on the school's back everyday until it is followed. I even threatened to sit at the back of the class if that was what was necessary to get my son what he needed. (I was polite about it but they got the point) It is sad but as a parent of a special needs child you will have to stand firm and be very strong in advocating for your child. It shouldn't be so difficult but nothing important ever is. Remember that the school staff is accountable to the parents. We are the ones that they are working for in the long run.
I wish you the best of luck,
Lauri