Mom on youtube, school got in habit of grabbing son

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THE SCHOOL FLUNKED MY AUTISTIC SON ON PURPOSE! (I have PROOF!)

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Please notice 2:00 into video. The boy would sometimes act silly and sometimes run away, and the teachers would respond by grabbing him. Well, no teacher wants to be embarrassed by being the one in whose class the student is most out of control.

But then they would grab him just because he wouldn't respond, or wasn't able to respond.

And the teachers would escalate by holding his arms in what they thought were a restraint position and kicking his knees out in an effort to put him on the ground. (!) (!) (!)

There has to be a better way than this.

The school was bullying him.

All the more reason to home school.

I had to skip around because I don't have time for the full video, but I see fault on both sides, if I am going to be blunt.

Yes, the school handled the child inappropriately and made things worse. They need to take responsibility for that, and I would recommend any parent in that situation to find a different school. Schools that will work with and understand your ASD child exist. Find one. Nothing I am saying in the rest of this post should discount the fact that the school did wrong.

But the mother is also failing to understand just how much following instructions, turning papers in, and completing work on time take priority once a child hits middle school. A child with extreme executive function issues is not going to succeed in a Middle School environment. My son was FAR ahead of hers in 5th grade, and we still had to call an emergency IEP meeting a few weeks into 6th grade because my son was failing classes. It had NOTHING to do with knowing the material, and EVERYTHING to do with managerial expectations. We were able to reach successful compromises that got my son through school, and as frustrated as I was with the grading rubrics that prioritized (in my mind) executive function over learning, I have to admit that we're talking essential life skills here, that will be needed in any job environment. Parents and aids can't be with a child forever, and 5th/6th grade is when they expect you to start transitioning to the future. It absolutely is too early for an ASD child, but unfortunately that was where I found the school least able to give us what we ideally wanted for our son (complete flexibility and/or adjusted grading rubrics). I spent 3 years becoming his personal admin assistant while his maturity caught up to expectations, and we enrolled him in a learning support period as well. This mom needs to be ready for that, and stop focusing on how bright her child is.

I confess it is still one of my huge frustrations to know how poorly middle school and high school grading rubrics reflected my son's actual learning and talent, and how that fact limited his choice of universities. He lucked out, however, and one good school saw his potential. He is excelling there. A person only needs one good school to see past the grades marred by executive function issues, but I worry not every ASD child will be so fortunate.

I tried very hard to get the grading rubrics changed at the middle school. I joined committees; got involved. But parents of NT kids LIKE the grading rubrics, plus they have advantages with classroom management, so I wasn't successful. Ultimately I had to teach my son to "play the game." That is real life, like it or not.

Do realize that my son's schools did a LOT for him, and are well acquainted with ASD students. They always listened to us, they always tried to find solutions for us, and they bent a few rules for us. But there are limits to what they can do in a "normal" school setting. Any parent has to recognize that and keep a small leash on their mama bear instincts ... or re-evaluate if they have the right placement. I was told a few times by friends who know the inner workings of school administration that the reason we were so successful getting things from the school was because I was seen as someone a school could work with; they knew their efforts for our family would not be wasted. A parent who wants to fight for their child needs to find that balance.

The school is likely to view it as controlling the situation. And they're likely to justify it and defend it by focusing on the most extreme case in which the boy runs away. And somehow they seem to completely miss the whole aspect that they might not need to do all this in the much less extreme case in which he merely doesn't respond.

PS I am not a parent. I do remember being in school and when my energy would slump in the last two or three periods of the day, most teachers seemed to view it as intentional and to take it personally (or when my energy would slump mid-morning or late morning).