New to site; need advice!

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I've been reading the discussions, and boy has it helped to know I'm not the only parent going through this! My son is in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's. I've fought for 10 years now with doctors and professionals who told me to "go home and learn about my baby." called CPS on me because they thought I was a bad/inadequate parent, or even made me feel that I needed professional help! Maybe I do at this point. Now I am fighting the local school district (Virginia) for classification/services. They say my son's CAPD and learning disability isn't enought to impact his education because he's passing. Well that was last year; now he's bringing home tests he's failed (and the school wants him to correct these tests at home so they can "up" his grade in the gradebook!) and he has slipped from a "B" to a "C" in two subjects. He's disorganized - forgets to bring home homework, textbooks, notices, etc. Teacher isn't concerned. He's starting to be bullied in school (was physically assaulted in the bathroom by an older student, and the principal said the attacker probably thought he was being funny! I told her I would report this to the police if it wasn't addressed immediately and forcefully. This same principal also said that there was no such thing as oral bullying, when my son reported that this same attacker keeps repeating his name. My son doesn't understand tone of voice, so he wouldn't understand if they're saying his name in a derogatory manner.) The school also says that social skills/issues aren't their problem; again, doesn't impact his education. I moved here 2 years ago from New York, so I didn't want to make a lot of enemies in this small town. I am now gearing up for a big showdown with the school district in the future. They just want to whisk my son through the system as quick as they can, without providing any help. Is it lack of funding? My state has these SOL tests - Standards of Learning Tests mandated by the federal govt. Well, they don't help my son all year long until these tests are coming up. Then they want him to attend extra help after school (which he fights because by the end of the day, he's mentally exhausted!), they send packets of practice tests home to do as homework, they put extreme pressure on these kids to do well, and my son came home every day from school and cried all night long! I finally told them to "back off" with the pressure and leave my son alone! I refused to send him to the after-school help this year. It's incredible that they won't classify him or give him extra help all year, but push him relentlessly when it's time to take the SOLs. The kid is a basket case. I'm purposely letting him "go it on his own" because only when he starts to fail, will they give him the help he needs. I'm also considering suing the school district for services. Sound familiar to anyone? How do I deal with this?

I have no immediate advice at the moment. But I think you're at least the 2nd person from Virginia with that extreme of a story. I mean, we all have some outrageous stories about school districts, from sea to shining sea. But Virginia takes the cake.
I'll have advice a bit later or someone will come soon.

I have a 12 year old with similar issues which we have come to have great luck in helping him with.

I am out of time this morning on the computer, but just wanted to welcome you to WP and let you know that you will find friends here and great advice!

Hang in their!

Hello and welcome. When you get all the way to the end of your rope you will find me and my three kids on the spectrum. I am the other person from Virginia that KIMJ was referring to. You can get an idea of what we have been going through by checking out my post here: A Little Help Please
This is just one of the many I have on here telling about what I have been going through in this damn state. Here is also a link to another post with an article on Va.'s autism care: Va Autism Care

I have been going crazy with the school system and their lies and ridiculous opinions and getting nowhere. Where in Virginia are you, some places are a little better than others, mostly towards Richmond, but all in all Va. is pretty bad. We are in Orange county. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I have a 2 1/2 yr old on the spectrum, a 7 yr old daughter with HFA and a 16 yr old son who is asperger's.

Don't give up the fight, before and after the dx's I have also been given the crazy looks, heard the whispers behind my back and even been accused of having Munchaussen by Proxy because I continued to look for help for my kids. You know your child and you must do what you know is right in your heart. I also moved here from Jersey so I know how hard it can be to not only deal with all this, but not be able to deal with it like you would in New York. It's bad enough it took many years to get people to understand I wasn't mad all the time, it was just the way I talked...like I was from Jersey,lol. When we left there was nothing for autism there, now my hometown has a damn autism program running in all the public schools, if we could only afford to live there again...hahaha.

ugh, got kind of lost in the post-will re-read it again later as I can't focus well on that much at a time even though I write a hell of a lot, lol.

Just wanted to know you aren't alone in being fed up with a school district. My son's won't accept the possibility of anything going on-he's doing poorly behavior wise but does great on his homework... He taught hisself to write, is teaching hisself to read more than what the teachers are teaching him (he told me last night that "honest" is pronounced with the "h" at the beginning, lol, but was sent home with homework reviewing 3 letter words), he taught hisself how to add and subtract and does both in his head fairly quickly for a 5 year old... and can recite and sing the alphabet backwards So why don't they notice?

Well, because he cannot memorize his address and phone number, they've decided he has something else going on with him gotta love that reasoning.

The guidance counsellor was supposed to get back to me at the beginning of the school year, here it is-almost the end, and I still haven't heard back, still haven't gotten any calls in response to the amount of times I've called him... hopefully we'll be able to get it cleared up over the summer and we won't be having problems next year.

Gotta love those behavior notes-I get one EVERY DAY asking me to talk to him about the problem, lol, which I do, but geez, you'd think they'd realize when he is doing it EVERY day during the same exercises in class, that there is something going on

When this round of private evaluations is complete you will want to have written reports in hand stating diagnosis plus specific recommendations to address all deficit or at risk areas. Do not authorize the specialists to send copies to the district, review those reports yourself first and then hand deliver copies.

If your district has fought every step of the way, you'll want to hire an educational advocate to fight for whatever services he needs. The last revision of IDEA included language that went beyond academic success but school districts know that most parents don't know the law and will skirt around this. You need someone who knows your rights and can impress those upon the school district.