Independence

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I am having a sad day. My AS sons are 16 and 13. This past weekend was the first time I have ever gone on an out-of-town visit without one of my kids. S is 16 and wanted to stay home with his step-dad while I went to Edmonton. The other 3 kids came with me. It was hard, even though he was with an adult and is 16. Letting go is really tough!

Now this morning I received a phone call that I have been waiting for about a community worker for T2. I was so excited about the prospect of having someone take him out into the community and teach him how to be independent. I'm not quite as excited now that it is going to happen. He seems so vulnerable! You hear so many stories about pedophiles and whacky women who have affairs with teen boys. I get to screen the person but it is still worrisome. His dad lives 100 miles away and my husband is not really into going where there are people.

He needs a male role model and he needs to learn how to do things on his own without mom. He is shy and tends to use me as a shield from other people. I know he needs this but I feel like I am throwing him out to the wolves. (I know the older Aspies who are reading this are thinking I'm being ridiculously silly. ) I will let him go. I wll get used to it. But in the meantime, I am going to have a cry and whine a bit! Anyone else who wants to whine can join me.

Independence, we all want it for our children, and we all dread it when it comes. It isn't easy and Mothers have the right to cry. Dads do it to ,though we don't admit it as readily. I've already told S she can start dating when she's 30 and get married sometime after my funeral. Cor just laughs and makes sure all firearms in our house are nonfunctional.

But , of course I think our kids need to be independent!

I went to the intake meeting for the community support worker this morning. It was an hour and a half of talking about T2's strengths and weaknesses and goals that I have. It was tiring and I'm still not certain if this is the right route. I just need to be sure that if anything happens to me he will be able to take care of himself as much as possible. And, a child youth worker probably has a better idea of activities in the community for a teenager that I have. I want him to have some fun and since he isn't sure enough of himself to go hang out with friends I think this will be nice for him.

At least I get to interview all of the possible workers!!

I hope everyone else is doing well with their challenges!

it's so hard to let them try to be independent~knowing that if they fail, you'll be picking up the pieces....knowing that after failing it's so hard to get them to try again................but the bottom line is that you have to give them a chance. it is very hard, but you are blessed to be in contact with a community service willing to help your son ! hope it goes well !

Thank you!

Hang in there "Mom" we are praying for you. I do worry about Z even though S says she will keep an eye on him when Cor and I are gone. Both my children are younger than yours so stick around I'm Sure to be asking you for advice and support soon enough.

At work yesterday one of my patients was complaining that his (neurotypical) kids won't leave home. They're all late 20's and early 30's!

Letting go is very hard.

My sons Vice Principle told me in an email that my son is seeking him out for help with "social problems" he is having but does not want me to know about!

I am respecting his privacy and letting the VP who assures me that everything is "in control".

I am glad he has an advocate, but it is hard to let go, although that is exactly what I have thought I wanted.

I know my sister and I drove my mother crazy with following her around. We have a strange "co dependant" sort of relationship I am sure unintenionally crafted by herself. We could not stand even as young adults to see her leave the house to go to a corner store, or on a date or um really... anywhere!

If you can get help, I would run with it, it sounds like a really good idea and gives that bridge to help him adjust to being out and about without mom, something in the years to come I am sure you will very much appreciate as will he!