Is this an aspie trait or is something else going on

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Hi

Ive only posted 2 other things in this forum, but ive thought of another question that I have reguarding my son.

He was VERY recently diagnosed with aspergers, and his doctor didnt really explain much about it. He gave me a website to go look at, and that was about it.

My question is this. My son will laugh or smile when at very inappropriate times, such as when im talking to him about anything (serious or otherwise), he laughed and was smiling when he found out his grandfather had passed away ( and had no emotion whatso ever about it). He will laugh if he is in trouble, and he doesnt understand why he does this. Id like to help him understand why he does it. It has caused issues at school because he wasnt diagnosed until 3 days ago... and the last day of school was today.

What can I do to help him understand. He is 10 years old, and right now he really isnt interested in knowing more about aspergers (I decided today I would try to talk to him about it, but didnt get much reaction other than... Can I go now and play on the computer...)

I just want to be the best parent possible, as supportive as I can... and help him in every possible way.

Thank you
Fran

I know I do this, I laugh at things that I should be keeping a straight face or making a sad face, or I'll smile at times when I'm supposed to be crying, its lack of empathy. I don't know if its apart of aspie, I have HFA, and that happens to me.

Yes,this is considered an aspect of AS.Before being DXed with As,my therepist would say that this was a sign that I was not in touch with my feelings and repressing them.Believe me,I had feelings.I felt sad and angry but when recounting things that had happened in my past,is was often as if I was just "reading something"....I did not feel the emotions that I felt when I was going through the events.I dont tell my face what to do...it just has a mind of it's own.My feelings would often creep up on me and I ould feel the anger or sadness when something I saw or heard would trigger a recall of the feelings.

Was he close to his grandfather?Many people with anxiety issues,laugh when they are feeling anxious.....it's a kind of "tic".I dont know if this is what happens with some people with AS?I know that for me,I sometimes dont process some feelings(grief)until years later,but I am not sure why this happens.

Short answer....many people with AS process emotions differently but we do have them.I did miss one of my grandparents who was very nice to me but felt little for the other 3 because I never had a relationship with them that felt "real" to me.But if one of my cats died or my poetry was destried,I would be in sever grief.

I'm terrible at advice-giving, so I won't.
Can tell you that I've read descriptions from many people on this site (and in books about the dx) which say that this (what you've related here) is common/frequent.
Behaviors can appear similar on surface, yet are indicators of many varied causes/origins, hence the mis-diagnoses most of us have endured. ASD criteria overlap with other dx's, so it's tough to be sure when a "correct" label/paradigm of understanding has been reached.
I may be full of emotion, and that which I display may not meet another's standards for an appropriate response. Anxiety & excitement are physiologically similar, one can easily be mistaken for the other (by person experiencing these feeling states or by an external onlooker).
Tension of someone waiting for me to respond (and in way that may differ from how I feel) is uncomfortable. Knowing I'm supposed to answer (or change my behavior), and that my answer (or reaction) will displease (not satisfy) another is stressful.
I'm verbally articulate, so if someone asks me about what's going on in my mind, I'll explain-assuming other person is accepting (nonjudgemental) & takes low-key approach towards me.

I am a self DX'ed aspie, my son is a diagnosed aspie. 4 weeks ago he broke his arm. He called from a strangers cellphone at a park, I needed to go right away to help him. I had to gather up my two other kids (2 and 4) call my husband who was almost in town and tell him to meet us at the park, and I ran 4 blocks away to the park.

I saw him crumpled up in the gravel near some play equipment, sitting on the ground screaming in agony, a crowd gathered around him. I ran to him, grinning ear to ear like an idiot! He saw me and started Screaming at me to stop grinning, it was not funny, he reminded me of an injured wild animal. I could not stop grinning! It was totally inappropreate, and not what he needed, but no matter what I did, I could not stop smiling like a fool! I got to him and I sat down in the rocks with him and let him lay back into me, he could not see my face anymore and I told him that I was not laughing and did not think it was funny, I was very worried about him, and I know it seems strange, but I was smiling because I was afraid, not because I was laughing at him!

Fortunately my husband arrived soon, took over a strangers call to 911, and we got him to hospital etc... He gets the cast off next friday! Woo hoo!

Yeah that's an AS trait.

Yeah, I don't think it's your fault. From what I've noticed, I do stuff unconsciously that's socially inappropriate like talking to myself, quoting things that I've heard on TV or something, and even do grotesque hand movements while thinking that I'm performing a move from Kingdom Hearts II. It's just this urge that causes me to do those things. I can't really help it because my habitual nature is also against me in those cases.

Also, I can probably relate to your instance, too. Sometimes I feel the wrong emotion at the wrong time; it can be so out of whack. I guess that's one of the reasons why I don't like looking people in the face when I'm either being yelled at or in some other instance. Heck, whenever I feel like I'm going to smile or even laugh when I'm getting chewed out, I try to hide my face as well as my gaze.

I'm not really helping, am I?

My son often laughs at inappropriate times.

I don't think it's an AS trait. I think it comes with anxiety which is secondary to AS.

I think its an Aspie thing. My daughter has no apparent empathy for anything. And if you ask her what the funniest thing that could happen is, she says "Mom falling down the stairs" or "If the dogs attacked Mom." (The dog thing would be kind of funny, actually, since they are little chihuahuas and I'm a big gal.)

Let me tell you, the past three years I have felt like a complete monster, like what have I done to my child to make her this way. Then I found a book (can't remember which) that explained that lots of people with AS appear to have no empathy. I think they do (after all, Aspie kids are people too) they just don't express it the same as NT kids. If I ask Elaina why its funny for Mom to fall down the stairs, she says "because you make a funny face when you yell." And then I say to her, "But what if I got hurt?" And then its like it dawns on her, that other people have feelings the same way she does. (But the concept doesn't seem to stick around for her - she needs to be reminded this regularly.)

I don't think I have AS but I certainly have strong AS traits, and one thing I know about myself is, I am mostly aware of other people's feelings in how they apply to me. For instance, I don't like to hurt people's feelings - not because I particularly care about their feelings, but because I just don't want to deal with the way people act when they are upset, if that makes sense.

I do this too. It isn't that your son feels no emotion at all about his grandpa passign away- we do, but we don't always know how to express it or sometimes the full force of it doesn't hit us until months later. It doesn't seem real. Did you take him to the funeral and did he see the body? Death seems really surreal until something concrete makes it seem factual. Telling kids that the loved one or pet "went to heaven" or "passed away" or "kicked the bucket" (I used to visualize a person kicking a bucket, falling and dying from the fall) or "going to sleep" or that "God took him", doesn't help at all. We think rather literally and sometimes stuff like this has to be shoved right up into our face before it sinks in.

At any rate- I've always done this, laughed when another kid got hurt, or when people were crying, or if soemone was tryign to be serious and make eye contact with me, or if I was in trouble....etc. I don't know why, but I do that it's really uncomfortable,, and I don't *feel* like laughing (i.e. happy, joyous, humorous) when it happens. It's like my face and body decides to laugh without me. It's veyr unpleasant, and I don't like it. Please don't hold it against your son that he does this, he probably is like me and doesn't mean it.

My son has Aspergers and I have noticed this trait in him. One morning we were in the carpool line at school and a little boy in front of us got out of the car and was crying. I said "oh no that little boy is crying" and my son just started laughing. I feel like for my son he can only feel empathy to a certain degree and that is why he does that.

I don't think it is due to a lack of empathy (reread the mother's post where her child was hurt) because I do it even when I am all upset inside. I laugh when I'm angry, too. It's like my face moves without me and against my control. I find it rather disturbing and disagreeable.

I am not sure it is empathy at all that we are talking about, or rather some sort of feeling disconnect for other at times, especially in children. These two things are not always one and the same!

My son for example, will taunt his sister, who he genuinely loves to tears, just yesterday, My husband ran into the bank to get a new card, I am standing out side the car with my mother who is having a smoke, the kids are in the car, a door open, a chill in the air so they are not heating up. Anyway, my 12 year old boy with AS comes flying out of the car, his sister bawling her eyes out inside, and he turns around to look at ther through the window laughing his head off! He says very excitedly, "I really scared her this time, look she is so upset!" He appears estatic, like upsetting his sister is the best thing he did all day!

I am like, "Why are you laughing?"
Answer: "because it is funny"
Me: "It is funny to see your sister upset and distressed? You really hurt her feelings, look at her, does this look "fun" to you?"
He looks and then I see reality set in, he becomes horrified with what he has done, and replies "No, it is not funny at all, I will appologise". I sent him back in the car, and had to work on settling her down!

The thing is, he had a disconnect, it is like he forgot that she was a living breathing human being, and his sister no less! He seemed to not understand that a hystarical child actually had an emotionally distressed person behind it! Once he understood that she was in "pain" and he was the cause of it, he was able to very strongly empathise!

Now that said, my grinning like an idiot when he hurt himself a few weeks earlier at the park, that was different, I honestly could not stand seeing him hurt, I was worried, concerned, upset, could not get to him fast enough to try and comfort him and get him help. There was nothing funny about it, and not for a moment did I think otherwise. I just could not wipe the stupid smile off my face and felt horrible that I could not...

I think for this reason, it is important to ask leading questions when you see a child with an inappropreate response, ask why they are laughing, or smiling, or if they see anything funny. They may have a lapse in Theory of mind, and honestly think that everything is hystarical and need to be coached otherwise. Or, they may honestly not know why they are doing it, they just can't stop, like someone else is in control of them against their will. The response you get, will tell you how to handle it!

My 10 does this, smile or grins at inappropriate times. We have been told that ot is characteristic of his Aspergers. I still have difficulty recignizing if it's his As or he's just being a smart alec. When his answer is "I just can't help it i know it is the As.

My 11 Aspie girl also comes off as a smart alec. One of the difficult things about this is that they are so hard to read. They seem to be intentionally pushing buttons, but I now know that she can't help it.