Things I'm having trouble getting my daughter to learn.

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First off , let me say that I won't force her to do any of it but maybe someone has some ideas for me. She is 6 years old. All her friends can do all of these things and she is self conscious about it. The teacher was also getting on me about the shoe tying thing.

1. Tie her shoes
2. Ride a bike
3. Jump rope
4. Swing
5. Brush her own hair


I'm assuming she will just do them when she is ready? of course, but suggestions that will make it easier for her (and me) are welcome.

I doubt that she doesn't want to do these things but she mightn't be able do them at the moment. I remember being some time into school before I was properly able to ride a bike or tie shoelaces and I still can't jump rope. I wouldn't worry about it.

Last edited by Valymaer on 06 Jun 2007, 5:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hey, I'm 22, and I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until I was around 8ish, I just couldn't figure it out. As for riding a bike, and doing jump rope, can't do either of those at all. I tried learning and just couldn't do it, my corridination was so off. I have no balance or control, my motor skills are horrible. I didn't start brushing my hair until I was like 10 years ago, it took my hands forever to move in that motion, I never understood why. I couldn't even put my hair in a pony tail until I was in my late teens. Swinging, I started doing when I was around 8ish also. I don't know what your daughter has, but I have HFA, and all those things took me a very long time to learn, and the things I could never do, I still try to this day, and just loose my balance or fall. Just give it time, like I said I don't know what your daughters like, but some people are just slower motor skills wise, then others.

I was taught to tie my shoelaces by a school friend at about age 7 or 8 I just had difficulty with motor skills as for riding a bike I did not learn that until I was 14

My 8 year old with Asperger's only recently learned how to tie his shoes. However he finds it very tiring, so we only buy him velcro shoes.

My 7 year old with Asperger's only recently learned to ride a bike with the training wheel off.

My mum at 62 just learned to ride a bike - there's no rush.

My 3 boys only have short hair. I never brush there hair. In fact there hair only gets brushed 1 or 2 times per year! So I wouldn't know if they could brush hair or not.

My 2 sons with Asperger's didn't learn to swing until they were about 6.

My 7 year old has been able to jump rope since he was 5. My 8 year old can't jump rope but he's not bothered and neither are we.

Buy your daughter velcro shoes and tell the teacher to worry about something important!

I like this message!

I learned to tie my shoelaces in the way where you make a bow in each lace and tie them in a knot age 7 or 8. I didn't learn the other way until I was 16!

I wore velcro shoes until I was about 9 to 10 years old anyway - or sandals.

I started on a bike with stabilizers. I didn't learn to ride a 'proper' bike until age 9 and even then I needed a lot of coaxing as I was terrified of falling off. It is pretty common for people with AS to have problems with proprioception and balance - I certainly do and have been diagnosed as dyspraxic.

Jump rope - again, I struggled with this. I could only use certain types of jump rope (the plasticky kind - the actual rope kind I still struggle with and I am 26!)

Swinging - I actually figured this out at around age 7 but only with a lot of coaching from my parents. Also, I loved (and still do love) the sensation of swinging - so I had a personal incentive to really try at it.

Brushing Hair - my mother didn't even bother getting me to do my hair until I was about 10 - and even the I often needed help. I couldn't actually style my hair myself (e.g. plat it or tie it back neatly etc) until I was about 12 - and even then I had to allow a lot of time because I would need to make 3 or 4 attempts before it actually was successful.

It wasn't until I was about 15 that I was able to brush and style my hair reasonably quickly and without difficulty and to get it right first or second time.

I think the main thing is to tell your daughter that as long as she is doing the best she can, it is irrelevant what her peers can or can't do.

My 6 year old can't do any of these things either. I don't worry about it - she'll get it when she's ready. I figure, no one is going to die if my kid can't ride a bike, kwim?

Thanks all. I don't think I'm going to worry about it either. I know when she makes the decision to do so that she is going to learn.

I didn't tie my shoes until I was nine. I learned to ride a bike at six and to jump rope in elementary school. I was pretty good at doing those things. I am lazy about brushing my hair and can't style it.

Ok, for the bike thing, I suggest reading over this thread. If your daughter wants to learn how to ride a bike, I would suggest taking off the training wheels and the peddels if you can manage it. Or, get a trailor bike. Lots of info though;

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ke+trailor

If she does not seem to care, then I would just leave it alone.

As for the shoes, two things I can think of,

Get a pair of shoes that don't require tying, either velcro or slip ons, or if she wants the look of tie ups, you can get these laces that are elastic, so you tye them up once, and then they stretch just enough to slip them on and off. I think the laces are very popular with those with limited motor skills (the elderly for example) and are widely available.

The other thing is to make sure when you are teaching her, that the task is broken up into small steps that are taught one at a time. As she gets good at just one or two moves, then introduce the next step.

Here is a good site to visually break it down, I recommend the standard knot, or the bunny knot. I know I tried to teach my son the standard knot when he was younger, my husband then tried the bunny knot and he was able to do it. Although he had difficulty getting a good tight knot that would not come loose for years!

http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/knots.htm
http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/standardknot.htm
http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/twoloopknot.htm

It might help to get two different coloured shoelaces so she can clearly see each string too.

Why do you think she does not want to brush her hair? I would suggest either just doing it a bit longer, or maybe after brushing it just give her the brush to "finish up". if she gets regimented in the routine of hair brushing, then she may be more willing to do it herself. Perhaps you need to cut some too...

As for the swinging and jumping rope, if breaking it down does not help, I don't know what to recommend. I think I learned by doing them in slow motion, then as I learned the pattern, increasing speed over time...

Most of what your list requires a certain amount of coordination. Many with AS also have PDD and it is no fault of their own that they are not coordinated. Other times we just don't get it when it comes to certain tasks like we don't comprehend how its done.

Earthcalling's suggestion of using two different colored shoestrings is excellent. I had trouble tying my shoes till I was 6. After much belittling from my teacher, my dad would sit with me every evening and work on the shoe tying until I got it right. You will need to do the same. You can also get kid's shoes with velcro, slip on or even zippers, but they really do need to learn to tie laces because they will eventually need to learn tying knots and other kinds of strings as they get older.

Riding a bike was horrid experience. My parents got so angry with me still riding with training wheels at age 9 that they simply removed them one day. Well I finally figured out how to ride without the training wheels, but I had several accidents including one that sent me to the emergency room because my balance was not good. I always wanted to learn to skateboard, but parents wouldn't let me as they figured I would kill myself learning to skate. That was probably a good thing. Now I think for some of us it may be better not to ever get on a bike. You can't help if your brain can't comprehend balance and can't work with both hemispheres so that you can have coordination.

Biking is not really what I would call a life skill. Do parents just push it because they don't want to be embarrassed that their kid can't do what the neighbor's kids can? The jump roping I never learned. My mom, various gym teachers and other kids all tried to teach me, but I just never did it right because of lack of correct motor skills. I don't think that has ruined my life because I can't jump rope. I mean I have a job working with computers and have yet to have them ask me to jump ropes or ride a bike or even swim for that matter.

I didn't brush my own hair till I was in either freshman or sophomore year of college. My mom had finally refused to brush it. I started brushing, but not being one to look in the mirror I was oblivious to how I looked. Another girl pointed out how I had a bald looking spot where I had slept with my head on the pillow and not combed it back into place. So after that embarrassment I learned to dampen my hair before combing it in the morning.

I think parents of Aspies just keep doing things for their kids and forget they need to TEACH the child to do it themselves. What they need to do when they are tying shoes or combing hair is explain in detail what they are doing everytime they do it so it becomes rote to us. Explain how you should dampen your hair before combing it out when it looks funny. Explain parting hair. For girls with long hair explaining underbrushing and how to use a hair dryer for styling and the proper use of mousse, hairgel or pomades as they get older is helpful.

As silly as it seems we can have super high IQ's, but be oblivious to the simple things in life. Some things have to be spelled out to us (explained) in livid detail even if its such a simple task for you that its hard to even explain each tiny detail of it.

School is infamous for cancelling good programs and keeping the bad ones. The Kindergarten requirement of tying shoes is one of those things. My son doesn't know how. My husband got a lot of grief because it took him so long to learn. I don't know how I learned, I remember it was very hard and I had a tutor.

Learning how to ride a bike is a good skill, but I agree with most of y'all, it's like swimming. It should be taught at the child's pace. Belittling and setting age limits is damaging and futile. Some kids just learn to coordinated later than others. Forcing a child sets them up for phobias and accidents.

I never thought about it but I don't think I brushed my own hair until I was 9 or so. I know I had to have short hair because my mom was tired of combing it into pony/pigtails/braids and I have really thick hair. The style was short and "feathered" so I had to be in style.

Has it occurred to anyone that some Aspies may just never "get coordinated"? So there are some things if they can't do you shouldn't expect them to when it comes to physical exploits. I think of all my attempts and failed attempts with anything athletic...riding bikes was a disaster, still can't swim (at age 38) though I do go to the pool weekly during the summer months. I studied taekwondo for 6 years and earned a black belt. But did that teach me coordination? Well maybe a little, but I still injured myself a lot in class including getting a head injury that still affects my daily life 14 years after the fact. I studied Tai Chi for a year, considered to be a safe activity and managed to injure myself doing that. I have had 4 head injuries, countless broken toes, ribs, both ankles and right leg. My latest injury is tearing the cartilage in my knee getting out of the car. It used to be a regular occurrance to get out of bed and walk right into the wall. I'm on a first name basis with the personel in the radiology dept because of the repeated MRI's I've had.

Some Aspies are prone to klutziness, some may have brain damage or bad wiring that keeps them from being coordinated. I'm just saying sometimes its better to not insist someone pursue an activity if they are so uncoordinated they hurt themselves just from falling, moving the wrong way or in the case of martial arts not blocking or ducking when they should. Participating in the activity could harm them more than not participating in it.

I didn't learn to tie my shoes until I was in Highschool. I could never ride a bike without going into trafic so I sold it at a yardsale. I still have trouble brushing my hair even though it is VERY short.

I'll have to answer this later. Cor just got back from the store and I have to unload, and I mean unload, the car for her. Do all Aspie kids eat this much? Oh, She says it's me!

I love the suggestion of the two different colored shoelaces!!

I had a lot of the same problems. I didn't ride a bike until I was 9. It took me about 2 years to learn to roller skate but I was so damn determined that I got quite good (At going forward). Any sport involving a ball was out of the question. (Still is which is funny because I was a fitness instructor in the Navy and they made fun of me)
swimming lessons were hell so I taught myself. (I took lessons as an adult and became a life guard, ha ha. Our pool was almost never crowded and I had my own keys so I could swim whenever I wanted)
I didn't cut my own meat until I was about 8. (I remember the exact day that my parents said "no way". I was so hurt! LOL)
Tying shoes I taught myself on my mother's red slippers with little shoe laces. I remember vividly.
My mother cut my hair short and I'm only assuming it was because I didn't brush it.
I vividly remember my mother teaching me to swing as well. I liked it so much I did it all the time. (Even when I got too old for it. Swings aren't made for adults)
The major difference between my daughter and me is the potty training. I was 18 months (very early) . She was almost 4 and it was a huge battle. She did it on her own terms.
I learned to jump rope around 7 or 8, I think and only liked the heavy plastic ones that were popular in the 80's.

I couldn't whistle or snap my fingers until I was about 11 or 12. I still can't whistle very well.

My daughter can't do those either but I think that is normal for that age range.