Wife wants to get rid of 'screen time' for my son

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So, this comes and goes with the wind, but my wife believes that both my son and I get too addicted to screens and that he simply shouldn't have them. I'm too gone to save to her.

The problem is my son is VERY passionate about video games and really wants to make games and do game design (He's 7.)

I feel like she's making the wrong decision because she's basically removing one of his BIG passions in life. But because she sees me as an 'addict' she won't listen to me.

Not quite sure how to handle this.

You are probably going to get a mixed response for this because parents on here have different experiences and perspectives on this issue.

We are a very computer-friendly household, so I would never ban screen time. A lot of my son's independent learning is on the computer, as are many of his assignments. (He is home schooled, but kids who go to regular school, typically have school assignments that are on the computer also) Tech skills are important.

She is never going to be able to purge all screen time from his life. Screens are part of the modern world.

That said, your wife may have other concerns, that you are going to have to figure out if she is not communicating them accurately.

1. Your screen use is the problem, and she is projecting onto your son. If this is the case, then you have to find out what she wants you to be doing more of instead of being on the computer and address that as a separate issue from your son.

2. Your son is having trouble transitioning from screen to school work or chores if he has any. This is a valid concern for many, because he needs to be able to other things. Sometimes the line is blurrier because the parent think old time leisure pursuits are better. Sometimes the child really does need -some- exercise and the ability to do homework etc.

3. Some kids get riled up by all the screen time, and at the very least have to have an hour or more of a break before bed or other activities to settle them down.

You could save screen time for your son and yourself by setting and keeping to limits. At our house video games are respected, but we don't play before school in the morning (makes getting ready too hard), before homework is done after school, while eating dinner, or in the hour before bedtime (it causes difficulty winding down to go to sleep later.) That really only leaves 2 hours a day for the kid to game in, which is hardly enough for your wife to complain about. And your kid will do anything not to lose those 2 hours, so it becomes a realistic bargaining chip instead of a vague threat when you need to ensure good behavior.

I agree with you, altogether removing a passion that is important to him will only have negative consequences and make him feel resentful. I can understand a time limit on how much screen time he gets in a day...especially being only 7. Also what did he do wrong that this is a 'punishment' for? He is probably going to feel like he is being punished just for being him, frantically wondering what he did so wrong playing video games to make his mom want to ban him from all screen time and take all his games.

What she wants to do certainly is the wrong thing. And I find it concerning that she flat out doesn't listen to you about things like this. Why has she decided your addicted to games? do you literally just sit there and play games all day every day? Or is she just trying to impose her dislike of them.....I don't understand why she agreed to start a family with you knowing you play video games if its such a terrible thing to her.

the problem is that I feel like she won't listen to me because she has me as an addict and an enabler on this.
Granted, my addiction with 'screens' (which is a term I hate) is why I'm such a successful adult.

Not to mention, she's basically taking away one of the things my son and I do together and both enjoy equally together.

also, she personally hates video games. And when he plays games it's "all he talks about". I feel like this is more of a problem for her than him. He's gotten really good at transitioning from games to chores lately.

In what way do you spend time together with your wife--a way in which you are as engaged and interested in her as you are in video games? If she is feeling neglected, her occasional lashing out about screen time is probably an indication of this rather than concern about "addiction".

Ok, so you think the main issue is that she doesn't like the special interest talk?

If that is the actual, real issue, then you are going to have to explain that odds are she is not going to like any of his special interests. (It will probably increase it, at least in the short run, if anything) What if was talking about something else that bored her, but that was in his mind, and she could not take away. Would she tolerate that? Does she understand that special interests are the best way to teach skills to autistic kids?

My son talks a lot about appliances. Would she take out all the appliances in your house if your son talked incessantly about them? I would hope not.

I don't know if this is going to help you formulate a response. Does she actually understand anything about autism?

I wouldn't get rid of screen time for him, since that's just asking for trouble, but I would compromise by trying to introduce him to some offline hobbies related to computers and gaming.

Teach him to play tabletop games like D&D, Magic: The Gathering, or Warhammer (careful, the latter two can be pretty expensive ). Build things like models and electronic circuits together. Show him some classic fantasy/sci-fi novels or comic books. Get into creative things like drawing or playing musical instruments, or even writing.

All of these things can be done without computers or even a television, though given that your son has in interest in game development, they can definitely tie into that.

Make a deal with her. Limit screen time for your son to a certain amount of time and at specific times. If possible take the tv out of the living room. Make one specific place where it is watched or used to play games.

As for yourself, you have to decide what to do to make yourself and your wife happy. You could try giving her your focused time a few times during the day. Or doing an activity as a family. That should satisfy her.

It's not really the screens we get so upset about. It's what you're neglecting while using the screens.