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Hi, new here. 44 yr old mom with a 4 yr old ASD son, emerging verbal.

My son is a high-energy juggernaut, and sometimes slappy and kicky, with sensory need to jump and land heavy, sometimes on people. I have limited resources for childcare, even as a dual income household with my hubby(bio father to our son). My mom and one other person are all that are available for childcare in our area. Mom is the only one who can watch our son in the afternoon, when I need to sleep(3rd shift primary job).

Mom is insisting on ABA therapy for my son, has all but set up an appointment for me at a local ABA provider. I am not convinced, from my research, that this is the best option for my son. I think that his social needs should be met first. The local ABA provider says that they provide 1-on-1 therapy, 30 hrs for 5 days. That's a lot of isolation, and nearly a full-time job! My son is 4. It's a lot to ask, and I'd have to pull him out of kindergarten.

My mom is a bit of a bully when she gets hyperfocused on something she perceives as an important issue. I need a way for her to understand gently that she has had her time to parent, that her "parenting my parenting" is really insulting because it shows no confidence in my parenting my own son, and I need a way to do it tactfully. We live in a townhouse that she owns. I'm fairly certain she won't throw us out, but I'm also fairly certain that she feels that we owe her because she rents to us and watches our son.

Any constructive advice here is welcome.

ABA therapy should be handled with caution. In a lot of cases it can actually harm an autistic person more than help them. This article is very influential in deciding if the ABA program is beneficial to your son- http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-an-Autis ... Is-Harmful . I understand that your son has sensory issues that cause him to seek out input by jumping and landing on people, but I really don't want him to be forced to stop all the behaviors that are instinctual for him. If you decide to go ahead with ABA, make sure you get a good program that does not force your son to become somebody he is not. I agree that 30 hours for five days is quite a lot of isolation. In my opinion, I wouldn't pull him out of kindergarten, but it's up to you. I would also recommend researching what autistic people have to say about ABA therapy as some have quite a different take on it then "professionals." Be prepared to stop if it seems to be causing distress. Here is an article on that as well: http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-Trauma- ... tic-People . Good luck! I hope your son can get help that is beneficial to himself and others around him .

I totally agree that it it is your decision how to deal with your child's autism, and pulling your child out of school for ABA sounds like a terrible idea.

The problem as you know, is that not only is your mother your landlord but also your childcare. I am assuming part of the reason she is up in your business is because she assumes ABA will make your child stop jumping on her and make him act better behaved and make her life easier when she cares for him. I would move heaven and earth to make sure I did not need her childcare. Barring that, I doubt she is going to stop putting pressure on you. While she does not have a right to impose treatment methods on you, she does absolutely have the right to withdraw child care for a child she is unable or unwilling to care for. I would hope she would not also threaten to kick you out of your home, but if she is that overbearing, I would look for new housing too.

I know that finding alternate childcare is going to be hard if not impossible and you and your husband may have to do some juggling or you may need to switch your hours, if you can, but I am not sure based on what you typed, what alternatives you have.

One note about arranging services if you decide to move forward with ABA. You get to decide how many hours. We did 15, despite the 30 hr recommendation because I wanted to leave time for socializing and just having regular kid fun. Our babies are still kids and deserve to have as much of their childhoods protected as makes sense for the situation, ya know?

Also, their ABA therapists actually went to daycare with them to help them socialize. I don't know if a public/private school would allow that, but you may want to inquire with wherever your child is attending.

Finally, as to your mom, I'd be nervous about having ABA with her being the supervisory adult. The risks of ABA mostly lie in being too heavy handed with the child by removing all of their comforting behaviors, and a general lack of empathy - this can happen if you have the wrong ABA provider, but also, most ABA providers are young, as in, not parents yet. Even good ones need supervision and correction. If your mom has bully tendencies, combining that with ABA could be a recipe for a miserable, traumatized child.