I'm feeling rather depressed lately [Mother issues]

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My Mum and I use to be really close, so close I'd hang around her oftenly, and she'd mother me a lot. Well, we drifted a part in 2007, and I'm not even sure why...

Well, anyway, she has been making me really depressed recently, by calling me pathetic and when she's angry, she calls me r*tarded :'(.
When I accidentally fall asleep before dinner and wake up later, she gives me food to someone else to eat or just doesn't cook me tea at all or throws the food out. I haven't eaten properly for days now. I can't have break fast in the morning without her getting mad.
She gets mad at me for wanting some food at lunch, and then there's dinner time...

At this point I think I might have to quit eating just to stop her getting angry at me :'(.
My stomach hurts, a lot~

If I cry she just says, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself!" or "You're pathetic"
I don't see it being pathetic... And so what if I am feeling sorry for myself, I have a right to!

It's been very hard to sleep properly recently, and I can't get a Job unless I get into a right sleeping/eating pattern.
If my eating pattern is messy, then my sleep becomes messy, and my Mum is getting mad at me because my sleeping pattern is messy and says that I'll eat all the food because I am asleep at the wrong times.
But I haven't touched any food, in fact I've been good and waited for her to get up :'(.

I feel very week, I feel like my legs and my arms light weighted, but also some how like they're going to fall off or something? (Maybe I'm exaggerating)

I'll admit though, I was rather upset hearing that she did this to me again. (Yes, I get upset over these little things, but wouldn't you after about a week of trying to eat properly?)

Wait...
She came to the door just now and gave me some pizza...
I am grateful for these too slices... That's all I wanted... Just some food... -wipes tears away-

I don't understand why she's being so nice all of the sudden... But I am grateful... I thought I could go on a hunger strike and not eat anything, but yet I just accepted this pizza right away -wipes tears-
Wait... And now she is giving me a drink, and said she is going to make me a pie.
I don't understand what's going on anymore...

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You might ask her about what's going on, why she is asking so angry, etc.

I don't like to do that, she just puts this angry look on her face and gets snappy at me and doesn't stop for about a hour .
It's very hard to get along in this house...

Get a someone who can mediate? Maybe a professional?

If not, asking may be painful to do but it's better then the agony you two experience now.
Just got to bite through the lemon.

I prefer crying more with my Teddy (Yes, I still have one, and I love him very much ). It makes me feel better.

If direct confrontation is to intense for you why don't you write a letter then?

I don't know...
I'm not sure what to write...
I use to have many things I'd like to write
Now I am convinced that she'll just find it stupid...
I've tried so hard. I just want to be loved, I want to feel loved.. I'm not asking for too much.
I'd give everything up in the world, I'd give up my friends, my arms/legs or even my eyes just to be loved.
I'd give up all my stuff, money, belongings, everything, just to be in the arms of someone who loves me.
I want to feel loved too... I'm not asking for too much... I didn't do anything wrong...

I know I am loved very much by my friends, I even consider my Youth Minister like a Mother. But I live over 3 days away from her now by car.
Oh my, I'm crying right now. I'm just full of emotions~
Why can't she just show me love... Is this what they call tough love?
I don't like it... I don't want this... It hurts me so much... (There's tears all over my face, ahhh...)

I just want to feel loved... I want to feel special...
I don't want to be the annoying one that is asking for food, or who is always tired, or who is annoying.
She always finds me annoying whenever I want to speak to her. No one else treats me this way but her..
I may almost be 18, but... I deserve to feel loved.
I keep blabbing on, don't I? Well, when there's tears in your eyes running down your face rapidly, I guess one wouldn't know what they're typing really...

I could speculate all kinds of reasons for her behaviour but you should get this clear for your own sake.

Just don't get crazy ideas about why she acts this way, it really won't help you.

What should i do then?

Either by means of a direct conversation or by letter you could start this

1-Simply ask why she does the way she does and note you don't understand what's it about.
2-Listen to what your mother has to say, make short notes if it is alot to handle for you.
3-Speak out your worries and wishes seperately from (1) where they weren't answered already.
4-Be ready to give-and-take in the outcome, because judging by this post I think this is about frustrations rather then hate.

When faced with handling heavy emotional expressions you could divert your view to the space between her eyes instead the eyes itself.
oh remember, keep breathing.

Okay thank you, and I am going to sleep now, good night~

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now with your mother. In addition to the other posters' good suggestions, I would also like to say that in many cases, adults lack emotional maturity and self-control. They can get into really nasty power games with people who are vulnerable. In this case, it sounds as if you're the vulnerable party here, as you are living there and are depending on her for food. Abusing one's power is wrong, and it sounds like your mother is doing that. Whether she's doing it because she's trying to "teach" you something, or because she's just plain mean, or because she's frustrated and is trying to control your behavior by denying you food when you don't behave the way she wants you to, I don't know. She may not know herself.

You may want to also try to talk to some kind of counselor so you can go into greater detail about the dynamics of your relationship with your mother, and to get some greater insight into the whole picture. But going on hunger strikes or playing into someone's attempts to starve you/deprive you of basic nourishment is NOT healthy, physically or psychologically. You cannot beat an abuser by being even more abusive to yourself! If she's truly an abusive parent, the only solution is to begin to create your "exit plan" for moving somewhere else.

But again, general hugs and good will going your way!

To be honest, it sounds to me like the mother had other problems that she's not talking to the original poster about, and this is affecting her behavior towards him.

Well... I'm not sure if she's abusive...
But if she isn't, then she won't let me die... I have faith in this

Could it be that your mom is going through some hard times of her own? Maybe you need to reach out to her and tell her how much you appreciate her.

Thing is, I don't anymore.
She hurt me too many times~
That's why I want a new Mum.