Superiority complex in 6-year-old Aspie boy
Our son has a bit of a superiority complex. Firstly, he's a very talented artist; his drawing abilities are WAY above his age range, and he just sees things in a very artistically advanced way. We tell him he's very talented and that we love his drawings and paintings, but we don't tell him that he's better than anyone else, and that everyone has differing abilities and styles and they're all good. The thing is, he's convinced that he draws better than anyone else and if anyone draws differently than he does, it's bad drawing. He's also reading at a sixth or seventh grade level (he just entered 1st grade), so he thinks that if someone can't read what he can, they must be dumb. Does anyone else experience this with their Aspie kiddos?
My son is a very good soccer player, and he thinks, for the most part, that he is better than most of the other boys he plays with and/or against. He thinks he should be the star of the show, and when he is not placed in that status, he gets very cranky and refuses to play well. Nothing we have said to him to discourage this type of thinking has been successful. However, this season he decided he wanted to play a different sport, and he has chosen tennis. Now, one could argue that if he is good at it, he has set himself up to be the "star of the show" all the time and may never learn the subleties of team playing. I know a lot of athletes with this mind set. I suppose there are worse things to worry about.
There is a different level of thinking that I am more concerned about, however. My son has an extreme sense of entitlement, that I just cannot explain. He literally believes that he should have everything he wants, and that we should provided it to him, and then gets a shocked look on his face when I knock the chip off his shoulder! He honestly does not understand that he is being unreasonable and selfish. He also had the audacity to declare that he is never moving out, even when he's older, and that it is my responsibility to take care of him forever...what?!?! This summer he asked his step-mom to get him a drink while he was watching tv. His step-mom told him he could get it himself. My son's response was, "All the women in Texas take care of their men!" Okay...yes, we live in Texas, but...NO...that's not how things roll in my house!! Well step-mom informed dear son that they were in California and not in Texas, and that he need to get up off his pockets and get his own drink. I really do not know where this all comes from. We are not rich, but we do okay. He is not given everything in the world he wants, but has a few nice things that I wasn't able to have as a child. He doesn't watch a lot of tv, at least in my house, so the only thing I can think of is he has learned this behavior from someone...but who?!?!
_________________
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't understand:
His drawing abilities are way above average.
His reading is way above the standard for his year.
It's not a complex. In those areas he is superior. (ie he has abilities in the superior range)
Its probably just them being confident and blunt in relaying how they perceive how they rank in skill among their peers.. or it could be Narcissistic personality disorder.
_________________
One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
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"White Rabbit" - Jefferson Airplane
His drawing abilities are way above average.
His reading is way above the standard for his year.
It's not a complex. In those areas he is superior. (ie he has abilities in the superior range)
Yes, but he can be mean in the way he expresses his talents. If he's with other kids who are drawing, he'll point out how "awful" another kid's drawing is. Perhaps this all falls into the social impairment area of AS and gradually you learn not to put down other people's efforts and you don't say yours are the absolute best, even if you think so.
Oh, yes....I am told that I'm "nuts" if I draw something the wrong way!
Our son actually has this problem too, I think. He thinks he's entitled to whatever someone else is already playing with, or he shouldn't have to wait in lines, and then if he doesn't get his way he may hit or bite. This sure makes recesses difficult times.
Smelena
Cure Neurotypicals Now!
Joined: 1 Apr 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,950
Location: Australia
He has superior abilities, and he is not being 'mean' when he says other kid's drawings are. He is being honest.
We have similar issues with our 9 year old so we have taught him the difference between being honest and being polite.
We ask him to consider whether he might hurt the other person's feelings when pointing out how much better he is at something.
Helen
We are forever reminding J that this is seen as bragging. We usually use sports analogies, since he has no athletic ability to speak of. But we have to take it a step farther. If we ask "How would you feel if someone told you they were better at soccer than you are?", he'll answer "Well, they are!" So we've had to explain that most people hear "Ha, ha! You suck!" when someone else says that they're better.
It got a bit easier for him to understand when he finally did "fail" at something important to him. But, I've got to tell ya, it took until the end of 3rd grade for it to finally happen! And it was caused by his own overconfidence. This year, I'm sure he'll either study relentlessly for the school spelling bee, or refuse to participate all together.
_________________
Me
Mom to J, H, M and C
A family of alphabet soup
We have similar issues with our 9 year old so we have taught him the difference between being honest and being polite.
We ask him to consider whether he might hurt the other person's feelings when pointing out how much better he is at something.
Helen
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon
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