Being disowned, abandoned by family

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Ok so basically I met a man that I wanted to meet, in a safe and secure environment and with someone. We met online and because we're "different" people dont accept us. My family caused trouble and gave me a lot of grief and caused problems online. Because it's all been reported! they're chucking me out, I hope I don't end up on the streets or in some hostel . because I refused to cut ties with someone, they want me out after giving me ultimatums. They're dominating, interfere and meddle and they've made my life a living hell and i've suffered from the hands of my family . I've even apologised for the reports and tried to make amends. it's all or nothing, they want me to be the way they want or they chuck me out without anything and i'm considered "vulnerable" too. I appreciate them being protective and looking out to me at times but they've gone about a lot of things the wrong way and said and done things including my brother which is evil and uncalled for. I'm hurting how can they be so cold and abandoned, disown me. I wanted a good relationship with my family and also contact the man I get on with! he's even tried reaching out to them, apologising for reporting them on my behalf but did it because he was looking out for me and thought he did the right thing! he was even willing to meet them or asked them if he could remain friends with me online and suggested them monitoring our conversations. I'm stressed out and so heartbroken and scared of the unknown

(EDIT) P.S i'll probably be in trouble for this too, was even scolded for personal emails that were exchanged between me and this man! in regards to poems and slight flirting. When we're two consenting single adults. I know its wrong to air out my dirty laundry and bad mouth people but I have no one to turn too. He was willing to be vetted by the police, there was misunderstandings in regards to him being pushy, he tried to prove himself. It's gotten badly out of hand! I only wanted love, the right to correspondence, the right to date. I need some help and support in life to get by but I wanted a family of my own, a relationship and wanted a good relationship with my family too. As a kid I've found it hard to be open to them, because they were sharp and I was scared. When I'm open with them, like I was when I first met this chap, they overreacted badly. I was catfished once as this chap lied about himself which doesn't help so that caused worry too. It's all a mess. I'm scared of the unknown now and I feel like i'm losing everyone and everything I had. I'm so heartbroken. Got no friends or other family to turn too either. Plus contact. I'd refused to be forced into saying this or doing that. Things kicked off, solicitors was threatened. It's all a mess! Just because i'm female and small and quiet, I get pushed around, treated differently. They were never as sharp, nasty or unfair towards my brothers. Always me the scapegoat.

P.S.S i've seen everything they've said and done! the police and the social have it on record and report and my neighbours have heard arguments too. I am so sorry and apologised if they thought I was going to do anything reckless and for the way i've mishandled things. I've tried to put things right and make amends and my contact was stopped with this chap for a long time and against my family's will, I did email him to say sorry and explained I wasn't online and didn't have a phone for a long time as he and his boys were worried about me for a long time and caused unnecessary stress. I'm sorry to my family and to this man for everything! for making anyone worried.

Wish this nightmare would end. I'm so down, stressed, anxious and heartbroken and scared of the unknown. Just wanted peace and no hassle from anyone or trouble. My life is being decided now by others and is out of my control.

Edit two.

As a women that's almost 30. For months I had all devices taken off me, no access to a phone. Rooms where locked when out so I cant use the kitchen. They hacked into my account, messaged the man when they were told not too, changed my account and created multiples, pretending to be me or slag me off online. If it goes to court or more legal advised is taken, it'll be exposed the online identity theft they did, anti sematic comments, discriminating a vulnerable women too. IP address been traced, screenshots were taken, police and the social have it all. Yet they suggested that I say to everyone i'm a (liar) suggested I do a video. Gave me grief. It's horrific! it's all coming to light what they've done and yet they make out everythings my fault, say I add to the stress now since gran died not too long ago, say if anything happened to another relative due to stress, when he has anger issues and is nasty to me, its my fault. He says sexual and obscene things and takes a personal interest in my emails to this man I liked which was private. They call me a little girl when I'm a women. Spent months shouting, screaming at me, glaring, barging in my room, monitoring what I watch or listen too, having my things which I brought and own. Brother didn't bother with a birthday card or present. Told this man I got over him and lied about that and said I was having sex with other men, also saying that I made a fool of everyone once they changed my email address and created another account Say i'm living in fantasy land, call me names, make out i'm the one mentally ill.Joined in with one troll that trolled me and acted like bullies too. It's insane. Thanks for reading all! I'm so hurt, scared, anxious, alone and on my own. They've publically humiliated me in shops, talked to people about me, over the phone to this man once they snatched it from me, this is how it all started.If it goes to court, it'll be exposed all the more. So embarrassing and shameful! i'm heartbroken. I wanted peace and love that's all.

Edit 2.

Edit two.
As a women that's almost 30. For months I had all devices taken off me, no access to a phone. Rooms where locked when out so I cant use the kitchen. They hacked into my account, messaged the man when they were told not too, changed my account and created multiples, pretending to be me or slag me off online. If it goes to court or more legal advised is taken, it'll be exposed the online identity theft they did, anti sematic comments, discriminating a vulnerable women too. IP address been traced, screenshots were taken, police and the social have it all. Yet they suggested that I say to everyone i'm a (liar) suggested I do a video. Gave me grief. It's horrific! it's all coming to light what they've done and yet they make out everythings my fault, say I add to the stress now since gran died not too long ago, say if anything happened to another relative due to stress, when he has anger issues and is nasty to me, its my fault. He says sexual and obscene things and takes a personal interest in my emails to this man I liked which was private. They call me a little girl when I'm a women. Spent months shouting, screaming at me, glaring, barging in my room, monitoring what I watch or listen too, having my things which I brought and own. Brother didn't bother with a birthday card or present. Told this man I got over him and lied about that and said I was having sex with other men, also saying that I made a fool of everyone once they changed my email address and created another account Say i'm living in fantasy land, call me names, make out i'm the one mentally ill.Joined in with one troll that trolled me and acted like bullies too. It's insane. Thanks for reading all! I'm so hurt, scared, anxious, alone and on my own. They've publically humiliated me in shops, talked to people about me, over the phone to this man once they snatched it from me, this is how it all started. They even said to the social once they don't want me to go out and date and they said it's my right. They started this mess by being rude first. Then this man advertised and spoke out on my behalf when I was forced to be silenced and put up an old vlog of mine, which I did agree too but was a stupid idea and I removed that vlog before they saw my youtube channel and harassed me there. I used to vlog and talk about my upbringing and I know it was wrong but I apologised for airing out my dirty laundry, I was generalising, didn't name and shame or exploit like they have. Not saying it's right but many people online have talked about bad experiences via videos or forums. I was wrong to air out my dirty laundry but i've never publically named or shamed or controlled, abused or trolled people like they have/did.

If it goes to court, it'll be exposed all the more. So embarrassing and shameful! i'm heartbroken. I wanted peace and love that's all.
Now i'm left with no one and nothing. Hope I don't end up on the streets or in somewhere restricted or abusive and maybe without contact.

Last edited by sorrowfairiewhisper on 24 Nov 2019, 9:03 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Sounds like you need to cut ties with your family. They seem abusive and medley, perhaps it would be a good idea to look into another living situation.

It does not seem you can have a 'good' relationship with them, so does not seem healthy to try.

Thanks for reading and for responding. Got no choice. Just don't want to be homeless or in some hostel. They're disowning me and I'll have no contact with this man. I've got no one and nothing. Losing everything.

I read, "Now I'm left with no one and nothing. Hope I don't end up on the streets or in somewhere restricted or abusive and maybe without contact." and I am sad that you find yourself in those circumstances.

I do not even know how to repair the damage done. You are almost a 30 year old woman and you desire independence. That is a natural and good desire. It can be a strong motivator. It becomes a vision that you hold tight and each day incremental changes can bring that goal within your grasp.

But like a child, you have not reached the point where you can spread your wings, jump out of the nest and fly away. You are dependent on your family.

When you pulled the police and social workers into your family, you made a breach. You cut yourself apart from your family. It can be mended if you desire but you will have to take the initiative and figure how how to repair the chasm between you and your family. Otherwise you may become a ward of the state or become homeless.

Maybe a heart-to-heart talk with you parents might help. Maybe they could put together a roadmap of steps you need to achieve in order to prove your independence and a reward system for your efforts.

Thank you for your advice and for the response. My brother threw a sock at me, gives me verbal abuse and the finger salute. Parents have a go and yet they’re the ones that caused problems hence the reason the authorities got involved in the first place. They won’t relent. They’re not mature or able to have a civilised conversation with. They pretend to be protective but really they’re over bearing, too controlling, cause trouble behind false accounts or use others devices. And in regards to this chap they’re prejudice but to make out they’re good parents, use other reasons as an excuse. Most parents would talk and raise there concerns, especially since this man tried to reach out to them and was prepared to talk.

I’m having my life dictated and controlled either by then or the state. I want help and support but I want to exercise my human rights and to be able to pursue love. You’re right! I’ve depended on them. They either smother or abandon me entirely. One extreme or another. Due to there aggressive behaviour, if another sibling has a meltdown they’ll blame me for another action of there’s. no one replied but I did contact and made enquiries about mediation and family resolution conflict but so far no response. Thank you for your help.

Why wont you have any contact with him? I mean with them out of the picture I'd think it might be easier to maintain contact. Or has the relationship been sort of coming to an end.

That said perhaps it would be a good idea to look into a room-mate situation...or worse case the hostel temporarily would surely be better than the streets. But yeah you're family does seem really over-bearing and abusive, like even if you were to make amends or whatever and they accepted that, then the next time you try to live your life they'll probably try and meddle to. So even if it is difficult to get on your feet without them certainly seems getting away from that toxic situation would be for the better .

If I’m anywhere restricted I won’t be allowed any contact with him. My dad called me a b**** and family are blaming me for there actions. I even apologised to them last night and they never apologise or admit when in the wrong. My brother made himself sick and I’m blamed for that even though he’s done it on and off for years and they want me to clean it up.
Thank you. I understand parents worry about kids no matter the age but it didn’t have to be like this. I’ve got no one to turn too. One guy randomly trolled me online and they joined in. Thank you for your advice

Oh dear. I don't know what to say. Things are coming to a head. I hope all gets sorted.

The whole situation is so difficult and confusing. As a parent, I could not imagine ever disowning my children, adult or otherwise. I know people do this, but I can't understand it. The parent should be the "bigger" person and do what it takes to reconcile any differences, assuming the other party is willing.

However, reading what is in this thread only, I'm not getting the sense that you have a healthy relationship with your family at this point in time. That leads me to believe that the best thing short term might be a group home of some sort. Are there any such options where you live, and services available that would help pay for it? You would not be living by yourself and that would help you feel less alone. Moving out would give both you and your family some time and space to figure out where to go from here. As long as you can all avoid hardening in with resentment on your different positions, a little bit of space should make it easier to reconcile at a future date. I would suggest making sure they know that that is your goal: to give everyone space so as to figure out how to repair the relationships in the future. Stop arguing over the differences, agree to keep an open mind, and spend some time sorting things out in your own mind outside of the situation.

I am sorry for what you are going through. Your parents seem to be very over protective of you and very controling You have every right to your own life. My wife has AS and I met her online on a video game and we lived over 750 miles and we have been married for over 11 years. My story is a perfect example of an AS women being able to find a real and good man online. Just because you are different doesn't mean you can't find happiness and love.