Is my daughter Autistic?

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Hi everyone - new here and just reaching out with a few concerns I've had lately about my 16 month old toddlers behavior. Her pediatrician wasn't worried last month but I have a feeling that might change this month as she's still almost completely non verbal plus a host of other issues. I've compiled a list of the positives and then a list of the concerning stuff..

Obviously I know it's impossible for anyone to diagnose my child via the internet. I'm really just looking for advice and opinions on how to handle this behavior and what I can do to get ahead of it. My baby means the world to me, I just want to help her but I don't know how or if she even needs help. Is this all within the realm of normal toddler stuff? No clue. She and her twin sister are my first kids, and they've always been complete opposites...

The good:

- Makes good eye contact
- Laughs, smiles
- Responds to simple commands (waves "hi", blows kisses, clap, dance, stomp). When I say "no" she'll shake her head etc.
- Will usually give me a hug/kiss when asked.
- Usually responds to her name and comes over if I call her unless she's really focused on something
- Will run and greet her father when he comes home from work. Or periodically run to me and plop on my lap if I'm hanging in the background watching her play.
- Engages in peek a boo etc
- Freaks out if I leave the room or if I walk away she will always follow me.
- Hands over toys/shares when prompted
- Does shape sorting and stacking rings, plays with legos correctly
- Has always preferred to be held
- Affectionate with her teddy bears/stuffed animals. Loves hugging them and kissing them.
- Loves rough play. Being "thrown" on the bed, tickle attacks, blowing raspberries on her belly etc. - Likes playing "fetch" - I'll throw the ball, she'll run and bring it back to me (reciprocal play?)
- Generally a ham, loves attention and the spotlight - total goofball


The not so good:

- Speech is very delayed. No real words except nana for banana, hi, and a handful of animal sounds. The words she does say aren't articulate. She's always whining and yelling to make her needs known. Her twin sister knows at least 15 words and is learning new ones daily.

- She won't point at what she want; she'll simply whine or reach until she gets it.

- She sometimes shakes her head back & forth rapidly (like saying no) without being prompted. Maybe she likes the sensation of her long hair swooshing against her face. ((This is a big red flag for me)). Shes made it into a game to get her twin to copy her.

- Total sensory seeking behavior - loves climbing everything, getting into everything, throwing everything, drags chairs / furniture across the room. Daredevil. Adrenaline junkie. No impulse control. Very energetic and cannot stay focused on one thing for very long. Literally does not stay still. There's zero downtime in her world.

- Likes closing doors. Or trying to open them. If she sees a door ajar she'll make sure to run over and close it.

- Zero attention span for books/storytime at all. Takes books from me and will silently flip the pages herself (even if book is upside down) but won't tolerate being read to; she'll just take the book and run away with it or throw it. Destructive. Loves pulling all the books out of the bookcase one by one.

- Very assertive and bossy. Will grab me by the hand and "walk" me around the house.

- Lots of tantrums for seemingly insignificant things. Will bang head against floor/wall during tantrum. Gets frustrated very easily.

- Not nice with her twin sister, steals her toys, pushes, sees her as an obstacle more than anything else. Sister "talks" to her but she doesn't respond back.

- Possesive over me, she'll throw a tantrum if she's on my lap and her twin approaches to join us. Same with our dog!


I didn't mean for this to get so long eek! Any advice would be very much appreciated for this worried momma xx

to me that looks perfectly normal, repetetive behaviour is normal devellopement

I'm not entirely sure where a 16 month old should be in their speech development. I think by two most kids can say two and three word sentences. Maybe your daughter is a little language delayed but I agree with the previous poster that your daughter does not sound particularly abnormal for a 16 month old.

There are many videos on Youtube of children having tantrums over absolutely ridiculous things.

I think it bears looking into, but I would not say either way, with any kind of confidence.

There is more variance in autistic children than most people know. We got a later diagnosis in part b.c my son was so snugly. Even the professionals can go off of the stereotypes. Autistic children can absolutely be affectionate and it is not unusual as part of a sensory-seeking component. NT (neurotypical) also will have repetitive behaviors and have tantrums and sometimes autistic children won't have tantrums.

To me the things that stand out (aside from language--which not all autistic children have delays in and not all NT kids are on time for) are the issues with pointing and behaviors that indicate she is using people as tools versus reciprocal interaction. If she prefers to drag you around to retrieve, open etc. the things she wants, that is what I mean by using you as a tool.

Again, I would not say your description screams autism to me, but those are the things that I would keep an eye on.

The other thing I want you to be aware of (although it is not necessarily comforting) is that mild cases are often not diagnosed especially early. Kids closer to the old Asperger's definition are commonly not diagnosed until 1st grade or so. So passing an early screen or even an early evaluation does not necessarily mean a child will not end up with a diagnosis down the line if the demands of school or social requirements exceed her development. In addition, although supposedly there is better awareness these days,diagnosis reflect how autism presents in boys more than with girls. Sometimes girls have a tougher time getting a proper diagnosis.

On the plus side, what helps most early on is the stuff that will help any child. Play with her, how she likes to play. Let her take the lead in choosing activities. Play with her on the floor. if she does any of the stereotypical play, like lining up and stacking blocks (which NT kids love too) don't let it worry you -- note it-- but let her do it and join in when she lets you. You may have to tweak discipline strategies if the usual ones don't work for you -- but I think customization helps any child.

Also autism is not the terrible, horrible thing usually depicted. It can be challenging to figure things out, when regular things don't work --and even when you know there is a lot of trial and error b/c each child is different. That said a developmental delay does not mean that your child won't learn these other things, just that the pace and the path is different.

Thank you for the insight everyone. She doesn't necessarily use hand holding as a tool, she kind of just pulls us around for fun with no real destination, she always liked holding hands. The affection and attention she gives us is what makes me question if it's autism -- but apparently that's not an absolute.

She will bring me over her shape sorter to twist open and empty once it's full of shapes -- she essentially just hands it to me and whines for me to open it. Is that is using me as a tool?

It's so difficult to know what direction she's headed in at this point because it's so early. Her aunt didn't start speaking until she was 3 yet is NT, in college and works full time. I was speaking in full sentences by my daughters age. So I know there is a huge variation.

I just want to make sure I get her the help she needs (if) she needs it. I do plan on requesting EI evaluation for speech therapy at her next pedi appointment.

I believe that's normal behavior. Both my niece and nephew did it and I see other children do this all the time. One thing human children do that chimpanzee children don't is, they ask for help.



You might benefit from taking some child development classes. My sister did and I think it helped her immensely. It gave her a better idea of what to expect and what was normal and when not normal was still ok. For example, my niece started talking at 8 months and was speaking full sentences by 15 months, which is not normal. But it was ok (if you could tolerate the psyche of a 15 month old being expressed with the linguistical fluency of a five year old...talk about ridiculous conversations). Of course that didn't stop my sister from worrying about regressive autism but my niece is 7 now and it never happened.

Yes, in a mild fashion. Some of it is a way to compensate for communication issues. My son was never non-verbal, but it was easier for him to drag me to the loaf of bread or later, to bring the bread to me to open, rather than ask for it.

My son us also hyperlexic, so he had/has a great love of letters and numbers, so he used to want me to be his letter/number cutting machine. Fine motor skills were not his thing and he wanted them to be perfect so he would bring me construction paper to cut into letters, numbers and shapes. So, in that case it wasn't just a communication issue -- it was him using me literally as a letter/number/shape cutting machine/tool.

Please remember: she's only 16 months old.

She's doing things that most 16 month olds do. Lots of toddlers seem to have "autistic" behaviors.

I might worry a bit if a child isn't speaking 2-3 word sentences by age 2 1/2. Many 16 month olds don't talk at all.

Like ASD Mommy said, I would keep an eye---but I wouldn't be unduly worried.

I wouldn't be surprised if, ultimately, there is no diagnosis for your child.

Thank you kraftie.

I bought her a baby doll yesterday and showed her how to feed her a bottle and she took to it right away and does it all the time now heh. She's also just so damn smiley whenever I smile at her and literally charges into me full speed for hugs.

That said the stimming has gotten more frequent. She'll smack her bare belly with both hands while walking around, she'll hold on to her crib bars and kinda rock herself/head bang. She'll pass the mirror and casually bang her head against it. Do NT kids do this? Her twin does not, at all.

The converse is also true: "Autistic behaviors" are nothing but a case of "children being children." Why don't we go through the list?

Early issues of Autism:
- Speech Delay (... babies don't talk)
- Lack of eye contact (... babies don't look at people's eyes)
- ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (... babies don't pay attention)
- Repetitive Behaviors (Stims) (... babies like to repeat)
- Tantrums/Meltdowns (... babies cry all the time)
- Sensory Problems, Rigidity (... babies don't eat chili pepper)

Later issues
- Anxiety (... not an autistic issue. Did you know that 1/4 of adults in the US have taken anti-anxiety drugs within a recent 10-year span? Most of them are neurotypical.)
- Socializing, making friends, finding soulmate (... babies don't socialize, make friends, or get married)
- Getting a job (... babies don't get jobs)

In other words, all what we describe as "autistic disorder" reflects nothing but children being children. We get alarmed by children behaving like children. So we start with "treatments." We start to teach children to socialize and control their temper from age 3. The funny thing is, after those intense "treatments," 20 or 30 years later, when these children have already become adults, we still keep trying to teach them to socialize and control their temper. So much success for those treatments!

Meanwhile, nobody does a damn thing to develop these children's intellectual skills. So the brain power of these children are completely laid to waste. That is how you turn happy and smart children into comatose adults. Some wear diapers for the rest of their lives. So much success for the "treatments."

The fact is, we turn the lives of these children upside down, simply because we think the neurotypical approach is the golden standard. So, we refuse to teach these children to read early on. We think they need to learn to talk first, before they can learn to read. By the time these children go into elementary school, now they are tasked with double burden: learning to talk, and learning to read. And then we wonder why they get all stressed out and refuse to participate. I mean, what does reading have anything to do with talking? Why don't we look at Helen Keller? Did she ever need to learn to talk before she learned to read? She was deaf, mute and blind! Yet she learned to read. Intellectual development has ZERO to do with verbal skills. Same goes with social skills, or behavioral issues. You develop the brains of these children, and guess what? They will grow into successful adults, and with that, all those "autism symptoms" that you complain so much about will all disappear, by themselves. Like magic.

Autism and underdevelopment are two totally different dimensions. You cannot squeeze two dimensions into one dimension. What people call "autism symptoms" are nothing but "underdevelopment symptoms." If you lock a child into solitary confinement, you get exactly the same "symptoms of autism." (Juvenile solitary confinement is outlawed for a good reason.) Yeap, our society has been locking up our autistic children into solitary confinement, without even knowing it. There is nothing to treat in autism. There are autistic people that are perfectly social, verbal, happy, having good eye contacts, holding jobs, and married. What are you going to treat them for? The main issue is "underdevelopment," yet we don't do a damn thing to develop our children. We just keep postponing teaching skills to autistic children, like the case of reading. We keep trying to teach them to talk first. I mean, who are the really mentally ill here? Who are the ones that are inflexible? Who are the ones that are intellectually disabled? Why do we have this craze of wanting to drive a square peg into a round hole? Why in the world should autistic children follow the development approach of neurotypical children?

In my opinion, I'd put her very low in the case of a spectrum disorder, now some of the acts you mention are fairly normal but the worst she could possibly have is a mild case ADD

My son didn't have a speech delay, but other than that pretty much everything you said could have been him. He is now 5 years old and clearly not ASD, although he does have some minor sensory issues that are pretty easily managed. He is about to start kindergarten and loving life. The social reciprocity in particular is a pretty strong indicator AGAINST ASD. She sounds like a highly sensitive/high needs child, but not really like an ASD child.

She doesn't sound austistic to me at all. My 20 yr old son has Asperger's and is high functioning. He was very typical at that age but later wouldn't give affection and would never seek out affection like even sitting on my lap and didn't care if I left the room. He always made eye contact ok. I also worked with special needs kids ages 18 months to four years until two years ago when I quit to stay home. Your daughters behavior sounds like she's just delayed, at this age it's hard to say but she could have ADHD. If you are concerned seek a referral from your pediatrician.

Sensory issues in autism look more like this _ my son loves us but has trouble showing affection and won't don't so without being prompted. He's 20 now so he'll hug us very lightly and tell us he loves us. He's considered high functioning he works, drives and can take care of himself. He doesn't like feeling squeezed or the feel of certain material against his skin. He air dries after showering. He will not use a towel. He hates shoes squeezing his feet. He wore Crocks as a child and now will wear loose fitting boots or loose tennis shoes. He goes without foot wear whenever possible like in the yard and around the house.

I wonder how the 16-month old is doing---at about age 2.

I have noticed that with children they will begin to comprehend language about 6 months to a year before they begin to speak. Sometimes when they begin to talk, it is very remarkable because they not only communicate well but use four syllable words and you wonder where they learned that. I cannot be much help except to advise that you avoid baby talk. Speak to them as if they were an adult. Explain your emotions and your frustrations.