Finding the right placement for my child

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Hi, my son (ASD/ADHD) is in 1st grade, going on to 2nd. In K he was in public gen ed with a 1:1 but it was an awful experience. He hated that he had a 1:1 because he felt so different from everyone and he hated that someone was constantly telling him what to do. He was forced to take breaks but he wanted to tell them when he needed a break. And academically he was not being challenged. He wasn't able to make friends. We brought this up to the school but they never did much about it. His BIP was based on rewards... giving him a penny or sticker on his chart. He told us he hated that as well. When we asked to change up the BIP because they kept telling us he was getting worse thru the year, they kept saying, no let's keep sticking with rewards and positive reinforcements. Recognizing good behavior. The felt his behaviors were due to the work being too hard for him. What finally "reset" him was summer. He had less demands. We put him in a regular summer camp that took him on field trips and he never had any behavior issues. The camp counselors in 2 different camps often told us what a great child he was. He was happy again. So we decided to change the school setting and put him in a private Montessori school (less structured).

Now in first grade he enjoys what they do academically there and he has been able to make friends (no more 1:1 but a resource teacher for an hour a day). He is thriving very well academically (they did testing and most subjects were high average or superior. The lower ones were the ones that required more focus and work). But behavior wise it has only gotten slightly better. He still has difficulty with transitions and some can be hard meltdowns. He also does need frequent redirection and can have a hard time sitting at group time. But because he is in private school the support is very limited. He also had a bad regression this winter with a long winter break, snow days, pneumonia twice. We are also in a difficult living situation, so it is hectic at home with less consistency which I am sure does not help with his overall behaviors (contributing more anxiety). We are getting a BIP in place, but no guarantee the teacher will implement that because as I understand in private school they are not required to do so?

So now we are tossing back the idea of whether we should put him back in public. Our fear is that they give him a 1:1 again and suffocate him like they did in K. Also academically we are worried they won't challenge him like the current setting. In K they forced him to sit and learn site words... but he was already reading at 3rd grade level. When we brought this up to the school, they kept down playing it. They also denied us an "integrated" class because they said those are only for children with academic needs and that is not his need. His need is behavioral so therefore he needs a 1:1.

But now in private we are worried there is no support to help with the behavioral emotional aspects. When he has the bad melt downs, the school does not want to deal with it. When he is good, he is great. But who is to know when the meltdown may happen. For example this year, he was great for 2 months. But after winter and all the changes going on, we had 2 stressful months of trying to get him back on track.

So we are really torn on what to do and was wondering if anyone has come across something similar or can offer any advice.

He mentions he likes this school and does not want to go back to his old school. He told the psychologist how he never ever wants to go back to the old school. However the school district feels he is better off at public due to the extra support. Even though he may not like it and had a bad K experience, 2nd grade may better and different and just kind of force him thru it to get used to it.

But as parents we worry.... will he make friends like how he has here? Will he enjoy learning like he does now?

Torn on how to help our son.

I'm a teacher with 29 years of experience, three degrees, and dual certification for both elementary and secondary education. I've taught in a variety of settings including rural, inner-city, and suburban public schools. I've also taught at private American schools in Saudi Arabia and Lebanon. I am also autistic.

I am sorry for your problems and understand that you're trying to decide whether to go with a public school or a private school.

Let me start by first addressing the question as to what accommodations private schools are legally required to offer for special needs students. The short answer is nothing.

Under IDEA, Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, the Federal government allocates funds to public schools to provide appropriate education for all special needs students. Since private schools do not have access to these funds, they are not legally obligated to provide these services.

IDEA comes with a number of legal safeguards for children and their parents. These are your rights:

1. You have the right to receive a complete explanation of all procedural safeguards under IDEA as well as the state for making complaints.

2. Your child's records are private and confidential.

3. As parents you have the right to inspect and review your child's educational records.

4. You have the right to participate in meetings related to the identification, evaluation, and placement of your child, and the provision of FAPE (a free appropriate public education) for your child.

5. If you disagree with the school's evaluation, you have the right to obtain an independent educational evaluation (IEE) of your child

6. You have the right to receive prior written notice on any matter relating to the identification, evaluation, or placement of your child.

7. You have the right to give or withhold consent for a school to take certain actions with respect to your child.

8. You have the right to disagree with decisions made by the school or the school system. You also have the right to seek mediation when involved in a dispute with the school.

Bottom line ... if your child has been designated as a special needs student, there should be an annual IEP, individual education plan for your son. The school is legally required to invite you to this meeting. You have the right to share your thoughts and feelings regarding how your son should be taught.

If you feel that the school is not meeting the needs of your child, you have the right to appeal. The rules vary a bit from state to state but the basic process is this. Contact the director of special education at your school or district to find out how you can appeal your child's IEP with the appropriate State Education Agency.

This appeal is known as a due process complaint. The complaint must be signed and it must include the following information:

the name of your child;
the address of your child’s residence;
the name of your child’s school;
a description of the problem, including facts relating to the problem; and
how you would resolve the problem, to the extent that a solution is known and available to you as parents.

There's actually a form that you could fill out and again, each state has a slightly different form for filing a due process complaint. Although it's convenient to use this form, you don't actually have to do so provided all of the aforementioned information was covered.

If you don't want to ask for this form from your school, contact your state education agency.

I hope this information helps. Please feel free to post additional questions or send me a PM. I'll be happy to help.

I talked to a special education teacher and need to amend my initial reply.

If your child qualifies for special education, you have a choice. Your child may attend a public school where he'll receive the full range of special education services. You could also enroll him in a private school AND APPLY FOR EQUITABLE SERVICES.

Equitable services are publicly funded and this money is reserved specifically for special needs students who are enrolled in a private school. Please be aware that funding for this is VERY LIMITED so your child would receive less free services than he would if he was in a public school.

Here is a link https://www2.ed.gov/programs/titleiparta/ps.html to the Federal Department of Education that will give you some information about equitable services.

My special education colleague also told me that there are some private schools which do specialize in special needs programs.