Im an autistic adult and my parents are a bit protective

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Im already graduating school at 19. Its what my parents want. They actually want me to stay til 21. I told them I didnt want that. So they respected my wishes and said it was best to graduate at 19. I guess thats good.

They never let me be home alone. They always want a sibling home. I have another autistic brother. He is allowed to be home alone. Its so confusing. Im not allowed to use sharp items without supervision. Im 18. Im not allowed to go out and about alone. They say my social skills are not that great.

They always have to know what I am up to. I have to walk with someone else to and from school. I still get the stranger danger lecture. My other siblings do not. I have had incidents in the past. That was a few years ago though. I am not allowed to wander off. I did that once and it scared my parents.

My bedroom also has to be near my parents room. I have sleep issues. I also sometimes get sensory overload before bed.

My teachers also are protective. Im not allowed to leave school property alone. I dont like leaving though. My desk is mostly near the teachers desk.I cannot cut with scissors. One of my IEP goals is to be able to. I have focus issues. My teachers let me get away with disrupting class. I have bad days sometimes.

I'm so glad I hadn't yet been diagnosed at your age.

I recommend having a conversation with your parents and asking the following questions:

1. What do I need to learn to do if I want more independence?
2. What can I do to learn those skills?

Good luck getting answers that don't involve a huge waste of time and a lot of horrible arguments, and boil down to
1. Forget it—you're not getting any more independence before we see you fit for handling it, which will probably be never, no matter what you learn. Besides, we won't give you a chance to learn those things, and asking us for more independence is a sure way to strengthen our determination not to grant it to you.
2. Nothing.

Personally, I doubt this is hopeless. The reason for my advice, above, is that in asking reasonable questions you show (a) an understanding of the situation, ie that clearly your parents feel there are essential skills you currently lack, as well as (b) a willingness to do the work necessary to make changes inside yourself.

All parents want their children to develop and mature, and part of maturity is understanding what skills you don't have, and either figuring out how to acquire those skills, how to develop suitable work-around, or when (and who) to ask for help. Everyone matures at a different pace, and your chronological age does not dictate what you are, in fact, ready to. When you show your parents that you understand and accept all that, you also show that you have developed a level of maturity that could make it worth their investing in helping you move forward.

You can't show them what they don't want to see. I learned it the hard way.

At least, now, you have definite guidelines.

I hope your parents will see that you're trying to improve.

Congrats.

However, the first requirement can easily be made impossible to fulfill—you won't become neurotypical. I had to miss out on a lot of experiences and opportunities to learn something else, because while my peers could join all sorts of activities for their own sake or to have fun, I could only do it with the stated purpose of learning to interact with people. This, of course, achieved worse than nothing. If anything, I learned to behave desperately trying to make friends, lacking the absolutely faintest idea what this means and inviting abuse. Meanwhile, other kids who didn't have much better innate social skills than mine were allowed to develop their interests, build a healthy, comprehensive and realistic view of themselves and others, and learn to stand up for themselves. The difference was astounding and only grew over time.

I agree. Excellent suggestion.

They have to let you fly out of the nest sometime!

I hope your parents are willing to help you find ways to improve these skills. Are there are any services in your area you might be able to access?

As for item 3, the meltdowns, I am going to suggest a process similar to what we used with my son.
1. Keep a log of what happens in your day, where you are, and what your feelings/reactions are.
2. Look at that log for patterns.
3. Look for indications that precede your meltdowns (if you don't already know these).
4. Experiment with protocols for self-calming BEFORE meltdowns.

Basically, to reduce your meltdowns, you have to
a. know the situations that trigger them,
b. know yourself well enough to know when you are heading for one, and
c. know how to pull yourself off the path to one once you are aware you are on it (which needs to happen BEFORE the point of no return).

You've probably already worked on the process, but commit to completing it.

You write that you can't handle stores, so I have a simple question: why do you go to them? I can understand how they are a giant sensory challenge. But the work-around seems obvious: everything today can be bought on-line, even food.

You remold your life so that you aren't in situations that lead to meltdowns.

Remember that it isn't always one thing, there is a build that happens. Something you handle well most days can become a trigger when you've already experienced an unusual amount of stress.

Learning to self-regulate is a huge and important skill for independence. You have to be able to know you won't have a meltdown in a dangerous time ... or at work.

A huge step for my son was when he was able to accurately evaluate his own stress levels, and tell me (or anyone around him) bluntly, "I can't do that right now, I'm already too stressed." It is his job to tell me and my job to take him at his word.

He hasn't melted down in years. It never even gets to the point anymore of him having to say he is getting stressed; he manages his stress and overload every minute of every day, and won't let himself get anywhere near the point of no return. He knows what to avoid, and he knows when he is solid enough to attempt something that might otherwise be a little overwhelming.

To reduce your meltdowns, you need to have that level of self-awareness.

Explaining it all in a short post can't really do the process justice, but I think it is a great skill to start with. Ask your parents to work on it with you. They can help identify the patterns, and they can agree to not question your need to self-calm suddenly while you are still in the learning stages. If you can get this skill down, it will make a huge difference.