19 year old irrational hatred of 'autism'

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Hello,

First of all, I must apologise for the content of this post. It reflects my son's apparent perspective and I realise that it may be offensive. However, I really need some advice about how to manage the situation.

My 19 year old son lives in supported accommodation for people who are learning to cope with mental illness. The accommodation providers feel the placement is not really appropriate for my son because his primary needs relate to autism and not to a chronic mental health need such as, for example, a psychotic or depressive disorder. Furthermore, many of the therapies are group based and my son finds it difficult to access or participate in these.

The problem is, he rejects his diagnosis of autism and speaks in a derogatory and aggressive way about anyone who has such a diagnosis. We have tried to raise his awareness of autism and to use social stories (or similar techniques) to help him realise that he cannot speak about people in this way, but nothing seems to be working.

This antipathy towards autism effects my son negatively in two main ways. First, it has led him to fear that people will perceive him as 'autistic' and, therefore, he acts in a way that is hyper-social (which can be perceived as OTT and inappropriate by others) and he panics and self harms if he feels he has offended anyone or not spoken quite as much or quite as 'well' as he believes he should have spoken. Secondly, his rejection of the diagnostic label means he rejects any services or accommodation that may be directly autism specific.

I am not sure where the hatred comes from. He was bullied when he was younger and the bullying targeted his disability. He was also exploited/abused and I am sure he associates his vulnerability to autism which he claims he has now 'overcome'. He may also perceive some of his father's difficulties as being attributable to autism (he father also has a diagnosis of ASC).

I have tried to help him understand that his hatred is misplaced and the object of his hatred, if anything, should be bullying, exploitation and abuse, not autism. However, he remains fixed in his views.


Has anyone experienced this reaction in their children and has anyone got any advice about how we could help my son? His reaction at the moment is making his anxiety worse and preventing him moving on in life.

Apologies for any errors and for the length of the post.

It seems unlikely at this stage that you will be able to change his attitude, unpleasant though it is, and not only for you. It is possibly a vehicle for his accumulated anger, and he displaces the anger from himself onto others. The denial must be serving a purpose at this time. Perhaps it protects a fragile underlying sense of self, traumatised in the past by the bullying and other abuse?

Two questions:
When and how was he diagnosed?
Who made the diagnosis and why?

What is the trust level he has with you? Is it viable for you to suggest to him that you are willing to arrange a second, independent assessment because you too, like him, would like to see if the diagnosis is upheld. That option might encourage him to see you as more of an ally in his distress.

Thank you for replying so quickly.

My son was diagnosed at the age of seven by a team of specialists at a children's centre. We sought assessment because he had a delay in the acquisition of speech, he had problems interacting with other children and he was not reaching developmental milestones evenly. We had interventions from other agencies prior to his diagnosis (e.g speech and language therapies and the Portage Society (who help families with young children who have/may have disabilities).

As a child my son was ambivalent about his diagnosis, However, the bullying and abuse took place in his mid teens and this is when he became hostile to the idea of having autism. He was an inpatient in a child and adolescent mental health unit for long spells between the ages of 15 and 17 and he insists that, towards the end of the stay, he 'overcame' autism and he is now a different person.

I have a very close relationship with my son. Seeking a re-assessment could be problematic because his difficulties seem to arise from his fear of being perceived as 'autistic' and his huge efforts to act like a really sociable, change loving person (his idea of 'neurotypical').

There is some confusion with this and this: viewtopic.php?t=369454 thread, I hope you've read both.

He is using rigid Aspie logic. Is he a white male? If so, autism is depriving him of the white privilege enjoyed by his peers. They have the widest choice of dating prospects and job opportunities. Just because of autism he has to go to the back of the line, while his friends are at the front.

Hello,

Thank you again for the replies. I am sorry for posting the same message twice. i tried to edit this version and ended up posting the edited version as well.

I think he is certainly blaming autism for some of the things that have happened in his life. Yes, he is white male and he is aware that many of his peers have partners, jobs, study and so on and he is without work in a residential setting.

I think it would be easier if he simply rejected his diagnosis. Yet, he is so nasty about anyone with autism and will not even mention autism as a word. I have told him that he needs to show respect to everyone but he will say things like 'All people with autism need killing!' The extent of his hatred and the language he uses is really irrational and offensive.

@magz
Thankyou, I did wonder whether I'd only imagined replying for a moment.

Sorry that you and your son are going through this. Oddly, my suspicion of being different has given me more compassion for people more severely affected by autism and any disability. I never wanted to wear a label of any kind, but I have compassion for those who are struggling with difficulties.