teaching baby to self-soothe

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Last night was the last straw. She was fussy at 11:30 PM so I went in to change her and rock her a bit to get her back to sleep which usually works but she started SCREAMING and crying inconsolably. We were at our wit's end come two fraking o'clock in the morning.

How in the heck do you teach a baby to self-soothe???

Will a baby take well to warm whole milk at night as a sleep-aid in events such as this?

first, have you ruled out causes to her crankiness: ear infection, too much sleep during the day ?

self-soothing is not easy to teach. we ended up letting our son cry it out. once he was old enough ( can't remember how many months he was now), the doc said that we should let him cry for a couple of minutes. then check on him. eventually, he learned how to self-sooth

she is teething, that's for sure. Drooling, minor vomiting, tugging at ear, slight temp.

We're gonna start her on another regimen of ibuprofen today.

Do they make baby Ambien?

often, ear infections go along with teething. if baby is tugging at ears constantly, should get them checked out..............one other way to see if it's baby's ears is to see if the crying increases when she lays down ( try getting her to lay down on her back now....)

I don't know how old your baby is...but here are a few items:

If there is an infection, ibuprofen will not cure it, you'll need anti-biotics or she will continue crying.

Whole milk is ONLY recommended after 12 months. It doesn't contain the nutrients necessary, and introduced too early can cause allergies.

If she is teething, try Orajel or babyjel on her gums to help her get relief. Or used the prescribed dose of Children's Tylenol for her weight, no one wants to be in pain.

Does she have gas? Gas is notorious for waking babies and leaving them crying in pain. Put her on her back and bicycle her legs...this often helps. If she's really young lay her over your legs crosswise, support her head and raise the knee that her belly is resting on and jiggle it a bit. She'll be tooting in no time.

If it she does this routinely, it may become a habit, (AFTER ruling out any physical problem) you can check on her, comfort her and leave. Go back in five minutes if she is still crying, comfort her (don't pick her up) and leave. This time weight ten minutes, go back again and do it again and leave. Then wait 15, repeat. Now go back every 15 min until she's asleep.

This only works if there is no underlying problem. I've worked with children for many years...it will work...but may take time.

Good luck, hon...there is nothing worse than being sleep deprived.

There is a book by Ferber that many parents have had success with, but first, absolutely, rule out all potential real needs. It sounds like she was in pain. Not just having trouble getting herself back to sleep. You want to be absolutely sure that you are teaching self-soothing, and not that you aren't interested in her needs.

The Ferber book advocates an interval method. Put the baby in her crib, tell her it's time to go to sleep, and leave. If she is crying, come back in 5 minutes. Sooth her verbally, then leave. This time wait 10 minutes before returning. Next time, 15 minutes.

When you have a child that is really ready for this step, the process can be completed in half an hour, one night.

If you have a child that is not, you'll spend 2 hours a night for multiple nights, in which case I would say ABANDON THE PROCESS!

Anything in the middle will be up to you to judge.

Long run, you must weigh your babies desires against your own. A happy, rested mom is also important to a babies life.

How old is your baby?

Sometimes books and 'experts' are very prescriptive in saying ie. baby should be sleeping through the night or have stopped night feeds etc. at a certain age, but babies are individuals like the rest of us.


You mentioned changing and rocking her, but could she have been hungry? It might be worth trying some milk, breast or formula, but definitely NOT whole milk.


It does sound as if there may be a real physical cause for her distress, in which case self-soothing techniques are not appropriate until that's dealt with.

Music?

It helped with my son when he was little.

I remember this tape I had and it was music set to the sound of a heatbeat, it worked really well for me. I also hung Christmas lights on the ceiling of his room, he loved them. I would turn them on when he woke up and he would fall back asleep watching them.

Teething was rough, I remember quite a few sleepless nights...my sympathies are with you.

We always used a saline nasal spray for ear infections - there pharmacist advised us which ones were suitable for babies. Really helped them to clear up quickly, twice as fast as if we'd just used the antibiotics - I think the combination really hit the ear infections hard and they ran scared.

Sleeping babies, a topic you could get lost in. We ended up getting a sleep nurse in to help us work out how to get Heidi to sleep as nothing we did was working.

Our night routine which has varied little in the years since.

Bath
Massage (and now I know about her sensory needs a big D'oh! no wonder that helped)
Wrap up / Swaddle tightly in a soft blanket or sheet
Lie on her side and pat her back or bum
Go "Shshshsh" (this was really important because anyone can replicate the shshsh noise so makes it easier for others to get the baby to bed).

We also used a pacifier / dummy just for getting to sleep and once Heidi spat it out I'd remove it from the crib.

Sounds like she is having physical pain, especially if she's teething. I'll second the orajel and baby tylenol suggestion- also get her to a Pediatrician to check her ears. If it's an infection, they not only have antibiotics, but numbing ear drops that can be used. No Whole milk until 12 months. No bottle lying down flat- makes more prone to ear infection or making it worse if she has one.

I remember that she's older than my 9 month old, but can't remember how much. Most babies can learn to self-soothe by 5-6 months old. We use a consistent routine and Jordan has his security item(any flannel burp rag is what he loves to cuddle with), his binky is clipped to his pjs or clothing, and we got him a soothing stuffed seahorse with a light-up tummy that plays soft, classical music when you push the tummy. It has many different fabrics on it so he plays with the different textures too. We often hear him wake in the middle of the night and fuss a bit, then we'll hear the music- he turns it on all by himself. He sleeps 11-12 hours at night and has been doing that for 2 months now. We used the "let him cry it out for 5, 10, 15 minutes" method and it took only 2 days and nights until he was fine.

He is our 4th baby that this method has worked on, so I guarantee that it will work, but it can be a couple of very hard days and nights for some babies and their parents, especially if self-soothing is not accomplished by 7-8 months when babies learn to be more manipulative and stubborn to get what they want. You may be in for a battle of wills here since she is older.

Good luck to you!

I reeeeeaaaaalllllly can't wait until she gets all of her teeth.

I agree that sometimes Ear Infections go along with teething. If she doesn't like to lay down, then it might be the fluid in her ears from an infection. And this can be quite painful for babies.

Try "white noise" music --- like the sound of waves at the ocean, or rain, etc. It doesn't have to be on all night, just enough to get her asleep.

Poor sweetie!

self-soothing is akin to the fountain of youth or the garden of eden. As an aspie, I can understand the frustration of an aspie parent. As an aspie myself, I can remember times where I thought I knew everything, like most aspie children believe. This makes parenting an aspie difficult. self-soothing is the idea that because they think that they know everything, the only way to calm them down is to get them to calm themselves down. There hardly ever was a moment of dislogic in my young childhood. All my tantrums were caused by pretty solid complaints, but the means to an end i always derived was a fit. good luck with self soothing, I think you're just gonna have to deal with it.

I feel your pain. When my son was teething, it was hell. Supposedly it hurts like the dickens. There is so little space inside their heads that any swelling just blocks it up. Your motrin idea is a good one. We used to dose our son just before bed so that it would work for 4-6 hours. I also agree with the other parents who suggested getting your baby checked for an ear infection, which makes them not want to lie down. That was our only symptom most of the time when my kid had recurrent ear infections.

Ferberizing, and variants, work great for some parent/child teams. I used the tips from Dr. Sears Baby Book and his website instead.
If you read or try something and it just feels awful (to you) then don't be afraid to try something different.

You can read the Dr. Sears tips on his site or in one of his books.
Dr. Sears - Sleep Issues