Autism in girls: what's the difference?

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Autism in girls: what's the difference?

You've heard it: autism in girls is different. Girls have different symptoms from boys. Autistic girls are under-diagnosed.

Unfortunately, autistic women have managed to make a big mess out of their message. Their message comes across muddy, confusing. And at the end of the day, the audience is left confused, perplexed. The audience comes out not understanding, at all, about (a) what differences there are in female autism, (b) do girls need a different type of treatment? (c) what do autistic girls want?

Navigating through the narrative of autistic women is difficult. There is a reason for that: girls want to tell you something but they cannot tell you themselves. That pretty much summarizes it all. They feel awful about themselves. So, every single message coming from them is cryptic. They cannot get straight to the point. In a sense, they sit there and complain, but actually are waiting for someone to come out to say those things for them: those things that autistic girls don't feel comfortable talking about. They beat around the bushes, hoping that someone else could come out and be their voice ... because, they can't make their voice come out.

Don't believe me? Here is a true story. A girl always asked her boyfriend to order pizza for her. The boyfriend got tired from that routine, and told the girl: "No, today you pick up the phone and order pizza." The girl just froze. Three hours passed and the girl was unable to pick up the phone. After that, the boyfriend never asked the girl to order pizza again.

You may laugh at the story. But, surprisingly, all too many girls on the spectrum identify themselves with the girl in the story.

Now that you know about more about autism in girls, you know I am not exaggerating when I say autistic girls really hope someone would come out and be their voice.

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There are at least three ways of looking at autism:

(a) The disorder view: in this view, autism is a medical condition that requires medical treatment. Autism is considered abnormal.

(b) The disability view: this is the view adopted by ASAN (Autism Self Advocacy Network). While acknowledging that autistic people must be treated as equal-rights human beings, they nonetheless view autism as a disability that needs special accommodation, assistance or support from the society. In other words, they cry out for help.

(c) The life-style view: this is the view adopted by many high-functioning autistic people. They have this "mehhh" attitude towards autism. They don't think autism is a big deal. They view autism just as a different way of life, different way of thinking.

The thing is, all these three points of view lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. Those adopting the disorder view invariably end up tangled in the medical world. Those adopting the disability view invariably end up complaining about lack of assistance or accommodation, and tend to blame other people. Those adopting the life-style view end up, well, with a mehhh.

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Which brings me back to autism in girls. The thing is, there is a strong lack of girls in the last group: the life-style group. Girls in general are much more into relationship and group identity. I should know that because I was a computer game designer once upon a previous incarnation. My producer was a lady. And even she herself admitted that, to girls, they enjoy relationships in games. In particular, we would design games so that girls could peek into other people's secrets. That's what girls do. Ha ha. You ask autistic girls, and they would tell you they put up acts: they pretend to be people that they are not. That is the key. Many autistic girls may sometime pretend to belong to the life-style camp, even recite the boilerplate catch phrases. BUT, you have to be very careful with their words. Because, you need to see through their facade. Deep down, many of them actually belong to the first and second groups: virtually all of them either view autism as a disability, or even a disorder. They suffer, big time. But they put up a facade.

Because they suffer, they tend to view autism as disorder, disability, or at very least, detriment. That's the message they want people to know. That is also why they desperately cry out that autism is under-diagnosed in girls. They really want you to know that autistic girls need treatment/intervention/support just as much as boys. Do you know why they make all that noise to stir up awareness about autism in girls? Because, deep down, they believe that if they had received earlier/better treatment/intervention/support, they themselves would be suffering less, today.

Which brings us to the core issue: what exactly do autistic girls suffer from? The funny thing is, what makes them feel so uncomfortable to talk about is rather trivial. Autistic girls mostly suffer from ANXIETY, and some from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and depression. That's all. The point is, it's very hard to argue that these conditions are not part of MENTAL ILLNESS. So there you go with the contradiction. Autistic girls live in a contradictory world. Autistic girls believe that if only they had received better/earlier intervention/treatment/support, they wouldn't have to suffer from these problems.

Is that belief well placed? You tell me. If you ask me, my answer would be: there are three views on autism, each of them leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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So, the first piece of puzzle is now clear. ANXIETY, OCD, depression, are the things that most affect autistic girls.

Second piece of puzzle: are the symptoms of autism different in boys and girls? The answer is: NOT REALLY. The symptoms are the same. It's the same condition, after all. So how can the symptoms be any different in boys or girls? Autistic girls have exactly the same symptoms, and same needs, as autistic boys. There is a reason why DSM doesn't distinguish autism symptoms for boys and for girls. So, why do autistic girls say they have different symptoms? Why are autistic girls under-diagnosed? The only thing different between boys and girls is that, girls put up a facade, an act. That's all. But their act can last for only so long. If you are patient enough, you can see through their act. The point is, clinical psychologists usually are not patient enough, so they jump into conclusions before a thorough evaluation. That's all.

So, in my opinion, autistic girls shouldn't send out a confounding message such as: "autistic girls have a different set of symptoms." They don't. They simply don't. Autism is autism. The symptoms of autism are the same, boys or girls.

A more accurate message is: "Autistic girls tend to try to mask out their symptoms with decoy gimmicks. But these gimmicks do not last very long, and at some point they will have to revert to their true selves."

As to the third piece of puzzle: what do autistic girls want? As far as earlier/better intervention, I think that's helpful.

But more than anything else: people needs to understand autism. That way, they will be able to get rid of anxiety problems themselves. I mean, girls make such a big issue out of such a small problem. http://www.eikonabridge.com/anxiety.pdf

My point is always the same: there are three views on autism. Each one leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each person is free to choose how they want to lead their own lives.

Happy Thanksgiving, by the way.

maybe this is bigger than autistic girls?

or another one-liner could be; autistic men are good in shoving blame to others

general assumption of masking, playing a role, is toward women,
-- which is on one hand a corporate creation
-- a religious stigma, possibly

and historically strange
- as male actors in very traditional traditions played the male and female roles


the man as women was wellknown as funny too

what do the old time upperclass french woman do? act and speak like a little girl,
"there's little acting required" (quote blackadder)
not the peasant women, they don't even shave their beards and legs

oh well, i had something more serious in mind but this is bueno too

I suffer most from my sensory issues. My sensory issues are what caused me to quit my last 2 jobs. It used to be anxiety but I’ve gotten that under control in the last year since learning about AS and becoming aware of what is actually causing my anxiety.

In my experience, there are some autistic girls/women who are evidently autistic. Especially those who are "low-functioning." Though there are many "high-functioning" women who are evidently Aspergers/Autistic.

Other girls/women, though, are "socialized" to a certain extent; hence, they are able to "mask" their symptoms.

Please tell me you don't have daughters.

Seeing as how women and girls don't need to be lectured by an adult male on how we experience autism, thread locked.