I've had it with ignorant people rude family, people etc

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My daughter is 21yr old adult. I need to vent and am quiet peeved and frustrated. Do you even have family members or siblings that dont get your struggle, so dismiss you, like you are cloaked in invisibility. My son was close to his sister until of course he got on with life and got married, had 3 kids. When we visit, my daughter just stands in the room and everything goes on around her, like she's not there.

I am seeing red and think some of the generation of 20 something year olds are so self centred and full of themselves. Its heartbreaking and isolating, to see her lost there in all that going on around her. I raised him better than that, but then his wife makes retardation jokes and I've told her its not nice to do that, and of cause she has done it again since. Its not direct at my daughter but in general, but its offensive. I dont like my son's wife. We were all buttered and sweetened by her, but then we were left to hang dry once I had to put in some no's, I'm sorry I cant mind the children today to take my own daughter to speech therapy, programs etc.

Its not like I was a constant, no I wont help, but my daughter has lots of stuff going on now that we get disability funding from the govt.

I am fed up with always having to suck up her bitchiness and be the better person. I am telling her happy birthday on messenger with hearts roses and cake and asking to visit, but she is ignoring me. She's not a nice daughter in law.

Some people are really conditional in their acceptance of each other. I tried to work with this daughter in law on how I could help her, she was studying to be a nurse and having job placement with busy family and 3 kids. She couldnt control how I could help her, it had to be as I could and it wasnt good enough and then we fell as grandparents and parents in law down the family ladder. I feel like an acquaintance now, essentially because I'm trying to help my daughter to some semblance of in independence.

That's sad...
Can your daughter meet her brother without his family? Even if they were the nicest persons in the world, so many people and commotion can make an autistic person severily overloaded. I am considered very high functioning but visiting my parents when all my siblings and their, and my children were there together was a torture for me.
ret*d jokes were obviously bad manners but it is not that bad to be ignored. Social interactions are stressful.
Anyway, how is your daughter? How is she communicating? Did she express any opinion on all this?

What happens when you die? Where will your daughter live? If it falls on your son to take care of her, the wife won't like it, and your son will ultimately do his wife's bidding. Bad things might happen to your daughter.

Please, take this into consideration now. Think about it.