son will be living with me til hes 18

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I got pregnant with my boy by accident years ago but decided to keep it but when he was about 1 year old I found I wasnt really a fit mother for a baby(I have moderate autism
so the father got custody of him

my boy is 14 y/o now but his father is becoming neglecting as a parent so we have agreed thru court that my son will be in my care til hes atleast 18
now that hes a teenager and can obviously do some things for himself unlike a baby or young child it might be easier to care for him
it means he will have to go to a new school which is only round the corner but hes good at making friends so im sure he will fit in l(he is neurotypical btw)


does anyone have any parenting tips for nt teenagers
im not completely incapable of looking after a child it was a mutual decision between me and my ex for him to have him live with him

14-year-olds are usually pretty independent----but they can be pretty rebellious, too.

They can be really swell----or they can be a pain in the butt.

How does your son feel about leaving his father?

I've never had kids. There are many people with kids who can probably offer better advice than me.

I would advise you to be "there" when your kid wants advice----but to set boundaries like curfews. I don't believe a 14-year-old should be able to spend the whole night outside. Make sure your son respects you, and doesn't curse you out. That's very important to me.

he isnt too bothered about living with me as long as he has his xbox but at least he has a spare room if he wants privacy

I am very authoratitive in my job so I can be authorative with my son too
I will not allow him to be out all night but I had t ask my boss if I can start work later in the morning cos I want to make sure he gets up for school as hes not particularly a morning person
my husband will do the earlier shifts( he works at the same company as me)

I will have to get my husband to help him with his homework cos i dont have a clue but i will still make sure he gets his homework done

The best sort of Mum, to me, is one who is available when a kid needs her (like for advice about girls, say)---yet this same Mum makes sure she is respected and sets firm boundaries.

Since you will be his primary source of care for his last years of adolescence, you may want to focus on helping him prepare to take control of his life. Often this can be aided in conversations about decision he is facing. He can be asked to describe how he views a potential situation and what things he has considered in making a decision. The parent can then suggest things not considered or changes to the value of things that have been considered.

For example, in a few years he may wish to buy a car. If he considers the purchase, maintenance, and insurance costs, he may wish to start saving now. This might lead him to consider getting a part-time job. These are all subjects the discussion of which can be useful to help your son to reflect on the decision making process. If he develops sound skills, he will be better prepared to face adulthood.

You might begin a discussion about career fields. What does he want to do when he becomes an adult? Does he want a career such as auto mechanics, masonry, salesmanship etc. where college may not be a prerequisite. This might involve going to a trade school. Or does he want a professional career such as engineering, computer systems analysis where college may be a requirement. It is during the teenage years that an individual learns to become independent. Part of the path for becoming financially independent occurs during these years. He may start doing household chores and receiving an allowance for them. Later there are part time jobs and even full time summer jobs and even voluntary work. These all make the transition to a full time career happen. They are like little stepping stones.

Teenagers need independence but also love to test boundaries. They want to be treated with respect but aren't quite ready for all that means, and still need some level of boundaries to feel secure.

One important thing is to be AWARE of everything they are doing without them realizing how close you are paying attention. You keep the information you gather to yourself unless the child or someone is in danger; you are just watching to make sure the experimentation does not reach that level.

Do make sure they know to always let you know where they are and when they will be home. Talk about it as a courtesy people who live with each other give each other, and do the same yourself: let him know where you are and when you will be home. Your honesty will encourage his.

I would also make it clear that while you know he's a teenager and might try out things you don't approve of, no illegal substances can be in your home, EVER, as that puts you at risk of criminal prosecution, not just him.

Also, as a new arrangement, you have the opportunity to start out with a clear understanding of how household chores will be shared, and what home habits you expect from him. Don't wait until he's fallen into habits you can't handle or gotten lazy leaving all the chores to you; sit down with him and discuss it all right away.

After that ... it will vary a lot by the choices the child is making. Good student? Neglectful student? Etc. Each will suggest different parental responses.

Good luck. I hope this can be a time where you both grow closer to each other, and set up a solid relationship that will carry into his adult life.

he is to start his new school next week , i dont think he is looking forward to it but i tell him that he will make friends ,plus he is still in touch with his old friends

he can be a bit aloof and awkward like most teenage boys are but he gets on with my husband rather well so im glad about that

hes not really thinking about careers as i.think he is focusing too much about making new friends at his new school and fitting in.
in some schools in the uk you can choose to stay on for 1 or 2 years and take up a course which i think is a good idea cos i think hes the type of boy that needs to be occupied otherwise he will go astray .
so my husband and i will encourage him to stay on at school for at least another year when hes 16 but fair enough if he wants to go to college instead
he is the kind of boy that lacks confidence and needs a push to do beneficial things , he doesnt really have a favourite subject in school