21 Year old son prefers to be by himself

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My 21 year old son with autism prefers to be in his room singing OR watching videos for much younger kids or outside on his ripstik. I have introduced him to various things and he prefers not to do them. How can a dad help his son?

What is the problem? Socializing?

My precious lil "parents", would have loved for me to have wasted that much time at "home"


How about, whenever your son is at home, tell him to wash the dishes or chores and the only way to avoid is outside

Because Aspergers children have a more complex, faster, or sensitive neurological configuration, they often construct their perception of the world at their own hand more than a neruo-typical child whose mental processes are shaped more reflexively. As a result this legacy configuration produces the developmental delay of prolonged childishness.

Usually in mid to late teens the capacity arises for the Asperger child to reconstruct their inner life to accommodate more adult interests. This may be delayed more if the child has no incentive to progress.

As a parent you can work to slowly bring your son into the adult world. For example, you can take him to movies, museums, or concerts and engage him to make observations ans assessments such that he begins to see that there are possibilities he could begin to explore.

You may not be able to expose him to one thing (bowling, for example) and see him plunge into league participation. However, as you slowly draw him into various exploratory outings, he may begin to accumulate a general level of lower anxiety that would make an excursion on his own more likely.

You may want to take him fishing, camping, or playing golf where there is minimal social interaction. This might incline him to undertake some adventure that would have minimal social anxiety.

This is fantastic because my 16-year-old daughter, newly diagnosed, is also very much like this. No incentive, motivation, or desire to progress. She wants to go to college and do an animal care program, yet shows absolutely no motivation to make it happen. She is happy sitting on my couch every day helping people with reptile care online, which is absolutely fantastic, but can't be her whole life. We do go out and do things within her sphere of interest, but I would like for her to do more and build social skills. At this point, I am not sure if taking time off between high school and college would be good for her or not. This is her last year of high school and she would have to move away to take the college program she wants, so we do need to make some decisions soon.

Your daughter may need more time to be eased into adult life more than plunged into it.

Many young people that have a fondness for animals desire to have a career that would foster this inclination towards affection. Colleges tend to train people for jobs that may not offer the anticipated opportunities to cuddle animals.

I talked with a woman that administered an animal shelter in a large city. She was complaining that the volunteers she encountered mostly wanted to hold fuzzy animals. The problem was that most of their work was shoveling manure and euthanizing animals. As a result, they had a high turnover rate.

Your daughter might want to fulfill her animal desires by volunteering with a shelter. This might give her some insight into the practical aspects of working with animals. Working on a farm can give some perspective as well.

It might be beneficial, if you are considering more education for your daughter, to consider something like community college so she can remain at home. This might offer classes that could be transferable later as well as offer more practical instruction in a field that could be more useful and satisfying.

Help with what? If that's what he enjoys doing, let him do it. What makes him happy or comforts is much more important what an NT-dominated society thinks he should be doing.

Hi - both autistic children and adults are faced with having to cope in a world that expects them to be social. This is very much against the natural requirement for solitude in order to destress from those times that they’re expected to function and “be on” in the neurotypical world. Problem behaviour can appear and mental health put at risk if this basic need isn’t met. We had monthly cinema trips/dinner nights, still do and occasional travel was helpful. There are family get togethers at home where the jam musically on guitars, piano, drums etc, play video games, board games, darts etc. Great times! As children grow older, as timf mentioned, there are certainly can do, to introduce your son to other interests and experiences. All the best.

I love getting drunk by myself and having music playing, it harms no-one.

We like what we like.