18 year old son

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Hello, new here.
I have an 18 year old son with Aspergers
Since graduating from high school in May he seems lost. I think even though he hated school, he needed that structure. He is working part time and going to school in the fall.

I have been searching for any type of support group, others seeking friends, etc and I can't find anything. I so hoped he would enjoy summer and the freedom of being out of school but when you don't have friends to hang out with, what do you do? I have been investigating online personal ads today thinking he should sign up for a few but don't know how safe that is.

Any recommendations?
Thanks!
Leslie

Hello, welcome to Wrong Planet!

I was in the same situation not long ago and am currently in something like that, but it's not quite so bad. Please take this for whatever it's worth; after all, I'm just an autistic guy late at night in his pyjamas spending a chunk of his life on a message board.

For starters, please don't even go near the personal ads...You see, those girls are people too. Then treat them accordingly. They have lives, they have their own interests at heart as well. And a man who uses women for fun isn't particularly manly. He's a carpet-knight at best and a predator, a user, at worst. That is why I don't date. (I'm a voluntary celibate for religious reasons and for lack of interest. Girls didn't interest me until, well, it wasn't very long ago.) Next week or so I'm going out with a lady friend but it's not a romantic thing, not a "hook-up." And she asked me, not the other way round! Why? Perfect sense.

I waited a very long time and didn't ask her. It's simple. I like this girl. She's my friend. I love my friends, and didn't want to start anything because I don't even know if I want to marry, or live as a Catholic priest (who is celibate by rule, as of the last 894 years in the Roman rite) and do not want to hurt this girl emotionally. That nonsense about "you always hurt the one you love" I leave to terrible torch singers of the nineteen-fifties.

But guess what, in the interim I got to know her better and we've been swapping chapters for stories so that was big fun.

Likely the man (I say man, because part of parenting is realizing that your little boy has grown up) has things he enjoys. Many "Aspies" have a special interest that can be very constructive at times. And then again, many parents ridicule their Aspie kid's interest for not fitting into the Jell-O mold that they create in their minds, the ideal of the Perfect Childhood.

For me it was antique phonographs (I mean the early models from about 1900 to 1930, the very old all-mechanical kind that must be cranked to start. Victors are my favorites, and cheap too!) Anyhow, I was scared to get into that because I didn't want to be seen as "effeminate" by my rugged outdoorsy family who loves the good life in the wilderness, not sitting indoors polishing dead mens' things and listening to low-fidelity music on heavy, fragile old discs and wax cylinders. Fast forward now and I am in the phonograph club, have a nice big collection, lots of unimportant things--but most of all, my family doesn't think it's weird. Heck, they even think my sewing machine is cool! (It was mechanical, so I bought it.)

If there's an interest there is a group for it. See if there is something he can branch out from that.

You might also just try leaving him alone, making sure the house is run to good standards but in his free time letting him be. Perhaps he's enjoying contentment and quiet. (I do not, of course, know the situation. He might be just wasting time on Pornhub, which is also a possibility. It depends on, ahem! his special interests.)

So good luck to you and yours, Ms. LeslieDee, and thank you for your questions! The only dumb questions are those unasked, and it reflects well on you to have this much care and concern for your son's welfare.

Rather than focus on meeting people and making new friends look at his special interests and for things to do in

that direction. If he meets people while following his special interests the interaction will be a lot less stressful

and is more likely to lead to friendship/relationship.

I don't think the personal adds are a good idea.

What are his interests? He could look for friends based on those. That is how it worked for me.

Hi LeslieDee,

You identified your location as Ohio. Dunno if you're anywhere near Kent State University, but there's a support group for young autistic adults that meets there. It's listed on the website of the Autism Society of Ohio -- it does not appear to be for Kent State students only, but it might be a good idea to verify this.

18 year old students need to adopt the show unity in front of the ground. The https://

It's been 3 months since LeslieDee's first (and only) post. I wonder how things have turned out?

Libraries often have good events. Volunteering? Help him do a giant special interest project? If he wants. Ask him, "If you could learn one thing right now, what would it be?"