My 4 year old mimics other children

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Does anyone have experience with their child mimicking the behavior of other children? He doesn't do this ALL the time but he does do it ALOT. He usually picks a boy around the same age as him and will follow him and do what he does and repeats what he says even though he doesn't always know what the other kid has said. Like today we were at the park and when the child he was playing with ran to him mom so did my son, when he went to get water, so did my son. It's like he wants to play but doesn't know how to be himself. He's never echoed anything off of the TV or from others just kids he is playing with. He does have a speech delay/disorder. He was in speech from 2.5 to 3 but didn't qualify at 3. Now at 4 he is still behind so he is getting re-evaluated. Anyways, does the speech have anything to do with his mimicking? Why is he doing this and how can I help?? It is so hard to watch him act this way. I feel so bad that I can't help be himself!

He's learning.

What autistics cannot intuit naturally, we must acquire by intellectualization, which, for social skills, means watching and mimicking. He's not trying to be someone else, he's trying to understand why other people behave the way they do. Why, when one person says A, another person does B in response. We don't always "just know" these things, so we have to try it out after seeing it done, so we can "get" the point of it all.

And it may be that he feels behaving just they way other kids do, is a way to make friends with them. It probably won't work, of course, but that's the trial-and-error process we have to go through.

I agree that he seems to be doing this because this is how he thinks you make friends. At this age it's not really a problem because most of the kids seem to like his company but I've noticed a few that aren't so nice and it breaks my heart to watch. I'm just worried that this behavior will continue as he gets older and he will be excluded from the other kids. He is such a sensitive child that I don't want this to happen. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to encourage him to not mimic the other children? He obviously knows how to be his own person because he doesn't do it with me or my husband or other adults just kids he wants to play with.

My daughter did some of this at the same age. She would follow and imitate. She was undiagnosed at the time so I didn't realize what was going on. I would take it as a positive sign in the sense that your son obviously wants to connect and is trying to figure things out. With my daughter, some things that helped her understand social dynamics better was joining a social skills group run by a speech therapist. There were about 5 to 6 girls and she would get them together to interact and play - it helped tremendously, but I realize might not be for everyone and that such groups are not available in all areas. Also, it was not covered by insurance. What I liked is that it taught her the social rules that she was not picking up "by osmosis" like most NT kids do.

Another thing that helped was drawing social stories for her. I would make little cartoons and then we would read them together and discuss. Example for your son would be - draw a child approaching another child and asking, "Do you want to play" and talk about how you greet, say hello, start an interaction.

Finally, I did A LOT of pretend play with my daughter. This might work better with girls because of the interest in dolls, but you could use trucks or GI Joes or whatever your son is interested in. With the dolls we would pretend and I would "model" the behavior. Having one Barbie say to another, "Hi, I'm Sally, what's your name?", etc, and pretend play through the whole thing. In a way it gives the child practice and a script to follow. As she got more confident, she didn't need that script, but it got her started.

Hope some of this helps - best of luck to you and your son!

That sounds like me when I was a kid. I think it's unusual for autistic kids to do this because I have read they don't normally mimic other kids. In fact it's NT kids that do it so that is how they learn social skills and all is by being around other kids and people and watching what they do but some autistic kids can do this too but it's far more extreme. I think it's a pro when someone on the spectrum does it because it means there is a big chance they will improve in social skills and learn them and have a successful life by the time they are an adult according to Tony Attwood I hear. But the con thing is them copying the wrong behavior so they may end up learning the hard way which sucks. My parents had to simply figure out what caused me to act a certain way and do things because most of the time it was always learned behavior or me simply figuring something out wrong.

You might want to look into PDA:

http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-PDA/about-pda

Some kids with PDA show intense role play and obsessions with other people, so you might want to check it out. It overlaps with autism, but some of the strategies for these kids are a bit different.

Thanks Ettina. He doesn't seem to have the other symptoms listed so I don't see this as his problem.

I'm surprised that not many other's have seen this problem in their child. I feel pretty hopeless on how to help him. He just doesn't see what he's doing. I'm hoping with he will evolve and once he gets a little older I will look into a social skills class for him. Anyone else have any input or have gone through this and their child grow out of it?

My 5yr boy old with ASD does this. Although he does it to the extreme by echoing and re-enacting every TV show, video game, of his current obsessed interest.

Unfortunately I don't have much advice on this, we're trying to figure it out as well.

Mimicking other children is really his way of playing with other kids. Though he's unlikely to just start playing any kids he doesn't know or isn't comfortable around. At the playground he's not going to just start playing with other kids unless they engage with him first.

He really follows a couple of kids at school though and repeats their words while playing. If Boy X says I need a drink, my son says I need a drink. If he says I'm going down the big slide, my son says I'm going down the big slide and follows the leader. If Boy X brings a book to school that my son has at home, my son thinks he has to bring his book the next day because it's absolutely necessary and the only thing on his mind.

We're just beginning ABA therapy to work on engaging with other kids but I don't know when the mimicking will really ever stop or if it will slowly ease up over time. He observes kids more than he plays and at home most of his play time is constantly running around making hand gestures and sound effects while the toy "he's playing with" sits on the table like the holy grail that taps in to his mind.

I had to actively teach both of my kids to reference other kids. So, in some regards the fact that he already has figured out to do what other kids are doing is great. With my daughter, it was particularly hard because she could not pick up ANY cues from her peers at that age. 3 was awful. 4 was a little better, but still bad. It was painful to watch. It made her stick out like a sore thumb and it was hard to get other kids to include her. Not that she had much interest in being included.

At 13, I think my son still reminds himself to reference his peers. He has become much more aware of the fact that his social actions have consequences and he is getting much better at watching peers to figure out what is "typical" for a boy his age, because most of his naturally occurring interests are not "age appropriate." He doesn't blindly mimic. But he does watch.

I think he is learning and I think he is young enough that you probably do not have much to worry about.

Gov, my son does sound a lot like your son. However, he doesn't echo anything he hears on tv or anywhere else. Have you discussed the copying with your son? I mentioned it to my son and now when he's done playing with his friend he tells me I copied everything that he did. So I know he is aware that he is doing it but he hasn't stopped copying. I'm not sure what the right approach is. My son hasn't been diagnosed with ASD but I do believe he may have it. Is this a trait of ASD? I was thinking it may be caused by anxiety. Is your son anxious?

Well its probably best not to suggest they do not mimic whatsoever, I mean even I sometimes try to observe what people do to make social interactions go more smoothly still and I am not exactly a conform to society just to fit in type...but I also don't want to come off rude or some way I am not trying to be. Though at some point it may be a good idea to explain its better to observe from a bit of a distance and still learn from what they see but not outright follow people around and do exactly what they do. I had to find that out myself a few times...and honestly not sure if I would have listened if someone told me that could be off-putting to others beforehand, but maybe worth a try.

So I brought my son to his pediatrician to discuss the mimicking behavior with her. She seemed a little concerned but could not tell me why he is doing this. She said that she would discuss it with the pediatric psychologist and get back to me. Well she called me yesterday and said the psychologist said that if he is copying with an intended purpose than it is normal behavior but if he is I guess subconsciously copying than it is probably echopraxia. I feel like this leaves me in a guessing game once again. I feel like he copies because he doesn't know socially how to engage at times. Sometimes he does great and plays and interacts typically other times all he does is follow a boy around and copies him. Does this sound like it has a purpose? Especially if he KNOWS he is doing it? Does this sound like echopraxia? Is anyone familiar with that? If so, is there anything I can do to help? The copying seems to intensify when he is feeling down or very anxious. Thanks!

This is common. Trust me I've been around tons of autistic kids my whole life. Some mimic what doesn't come naturally to try fitting in. Even some adults do it to a degree.

Hi, I think that he’s learning it may take a bit longer than for the other kids but he will. Was he a thumb sucker as a baby/toddler and anxious to talk over you sometimes?
From what you wrote your son sounds just like mine. He’s premature with one month and is 3 ½. He spoke at 2 and seems to display certain ASD symptoms like walking on the tip of his toes, not engaging with other kids constructively, or respond to his name on many occasions. He has been attending speech and psychologist for almost 2 years. We also briefly did OT, but they told us he doesn’t need it at the age of 2 years 4 months. We have been to 2 neurologists, did an MRI when he was 3 and Electroencephalogram when he was 2 year 4 months (all came back normal), talked to 2 psychologists, 1 psychiatrist and 2 speech therapists and none of them could give us a diagnosis, or tell us if he’s in the spectrum. He feels empathy, he’s super loving and sensitive, speaks at the level of most 3 ½ year old boys, although a bit slower, when he plays with us he’s totally normal, he can count and do basic math, alphabet in both English and Portuguese, has concept of time, writes his name, telling us how he did at Kindy, who he played with, if he was happy or sad and why. He asks the question ‘why’ more and more. He goes to the bathroom on his own and ‘reads’ himself stories from his books. BUT when he’s playing with other boys, younger and older he tends to copy all they do, unless they do something that he’s afraid of/or disgusted by. He sometimes has rapid mood swings, but nothing violent or too drastic. He’s quite obedient in general. He doesn’t like to ride on trains, or other mechanical toys that move on their own (other than car) and doesn’t like (although has done a couple of times briefly) to ride a bicycle or a scooter, he’s not interested in physical sports or physical play that much. He loves to draw, watch TV, dance, sing, jump on the bed or trampoline and swim.
What we did when he was about 2 and 3 months we did a long course with Piracetam, which coincided with significant boost in his development. However it still remains a mystery if this is what helped his speech and behaviour, or it was the therapy combined with his natural development pattern. We are also going to try to give him vitamin b complex, with good dose of vitamin b12, which should help fatty acid oxidation. What our psychologist suggested is play dates, preferably in your house with one to two kids, where he is in his comfort zone and you can intervene and guide him when he starts to copy. She told us to use only positive reinforcement, as imitation is also a way to learn so we are not preventing him from imitating 100%. Just distract him or tell him to show his toys to the other kids, or to show them how to play a game he knows and plays with you. Then this will be gradually ‘exported’ to playing outside with more children. Don’t know if it works but we’re trying it too.
Let me know how your son is doing? We hope all turns out fine.

Hi, my 4 year old daughter does exactly same, pls let me know how did it got with ur son, did he overcome that? How did you help him.. thanks..

All little kids do that.