Depression kicking in again

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hi all,
My son J is 11 he AS, GAD,ADHD,OCD and tourettes. I have been noticing over the past few weeks that his behaviour has changed. He wont stay in his bed all night, I wake to find him in with me (he doesn't know why he does it, but he knows its happening) His sleeping pattern is all over the place, some days he's up at 4am other days I have to wake him etc. He has been coming home from school and going to sleep for an hour or two, I have tried to stop this as he already has such a bad sleeping pattern but he is exhausted and falls asleep any way. I know he has the anxiety disorder but its kind of being held at bay (thanks to meds and routines etc) however his mood has been slipping, spending less time with his family etc. Yesterday after school he wanted to go to his friends house but he couldn't, he ran off and hid some where in the yard for about 15mins, I didn't try looking for him because he may have ran off further. He either wouldn't or couldn't speak to me when he finally came out, again no talking on the way home and still no talking for about half hour once home. Just the smallest of nods, shakes or frowns when asked something. I asked him if I could sit with him and just talk to him until he was ready, which I did. One of the first things out of his mouth was that he's not good at anything, of course I told him everything I thought he was good at. He says but your my mum you have to say that. He tells me whats the point in trying he will never be the best, I say not everyone is the best, He says there is no point if he can't be the best he should be dead. He tells me he is a waist of space. This negative talk goes on for a while, of course I'm trying to make him feel better. (but I know I'm not going to convince him now he's started) We have a distraction the phone rings, whilst I go answer it, he goes into the living room where he curls up on the sofa and goes to sleep. I will be keeping a close eye on him.

School haven't noticed any change. I don't think they will, he is an expert in turning it all in and trying to hold it together (he had to do this at the old school because noone will listen)

I have more questions but I dont really have time just now to ask.

One question before I go, Does this sound like you (if your on the spectrum) or your spectrum kids? How do you handle it, what does your childs school if do if anything?

Please please please try and find out if he is being bullied at school.

That right there makes me immediately think of bullying.

I hope things get better for both you and your son.

I, too, would suspect bullying at school. Our son never admitted the bullying to us, his parents. He only discussed it with his psychologist.

The crazy sleep patterns I would guess are caused by anxiety. His mind will not settle down and it is so busy thinking about everything he can't sleep. We've never fixed this problem. Without cognitive behavioral therapy, I don't think it will get fixed. Our son won't do the therapy. Sleep medications don't make any lasting difference, and in some ways, only make things worse - for our son anyway.

The sleep issue must certainly be causing problems with school. Therein lies part of the negative cycle. He does poorly in school because of lack of sleep, then he can't sleep for worrying about school, and it continues to feed on itself.

He does need something he can "do." He needs a hobby or some interest that he can say to others, "I can do that!" Being able to perform at some level in anything will build his self esteem immensely. I would help him search for this new interest until you find something.

I hope this helps.

I wish you the best of luck.

I, myself, tend to have issues with depression but, fortunately for us, my AS son does not seem to. What you are describing sounds like depression. Experiences that occur because of the AS could be making it worse (if there was bullying, for example), but I would suggest the behaviors are from depression, and that often has a genetic/chemical component. I'm not sure what you can do, because I've heard horror stories about anti-depressents with this age group, which leaves talk therapy, if he is up for that.

Thanks for the replies.

We've tried cognitive behaviour therapy in the past (earlier this year) and he was unresponsive either because he didn't have the ability or due to poor behaviour.

Anyway after yesterday not exactly sure whats up just know something is. He actually appeared to be having a good day at his swim lesson , However, the OCD kicked up a notch. We weren't able to actually leave the pool until J had retreved all the kick boards and pool peanuts (floaty things) from around the pool, including demanding strangers give them back to him. He then had to line them up with each lane, including colour co-ordinating them etc. He had them perfectly aligned. This whole process took approx half hour. He has never had to do this before. When we left (he was even happy to go quickly before someone messed it up) we stopped at reception for a reward drink for him for a great lesson. He spoke to the woman behind the counter like someone from 100 years ago. Thank you my lady etc.
Also during his swim lesson he complained about the water woshing in his ears, so we had to put ear plugs in (sensory stuff kicking up to?) Then he told his swim teacher that she was probably going to die from malanoma, she'd just gotten back from hols where she had gotten a tan. Oh he also put a mother in her place (before I could interveen) The mum was telling her young son off. Lets just say swimming yesterday was very interesting.
I'm happy that there was no self negative talk, but it seams everything else is increasing again, so maybe the big crash is coming again. I am being extremely observant at the moment.

How do you deal with depression?

Recommended methods are either therapy or anti-depressant medication. Talk to your doctor to figure out what might be right for you.

The title makes it sound like this is a recurring problem. Like others I would suggest considering if there might be an event that triggered it such as environmental (like bullying) or even nutritional or diet.

It it is a recurring problem, you might like to look into things like Inositol or SAMe.

You might want to be careful about seeking a medical solution. While SSRI medication may be helpful for some, it is vastly over prescribed and may even hinder your son developing management and coping skills.

What you are describing sounds like clear stress to me. He needs to sleep more, spend enough time in his favorite activities, eat well. I would try to help him avoid any stressors that aren’t absolutely necessary so he can have more energy.

Agree you should investigate what could be happening at school. But I think you should also consider something else:

Perhaps he is having Deep New Thoughts.

This is a common age for kids to form their own, independent opinions and to identify key parts of themselves that will carry on to adulthood. He may be forming his own religious or political standpoint. He may have a crush on someone. He may be realizing that he’s really good at something or terrible at something. And he may want to keep these things to himself. I would keep observing until you see an angle to help, if you can.

Agreed. But this can turn into depression, so definitely don't write it off as "normal" because of the new school year or something.

I have a couple suggestions. One is activities that will help ground him, especially when it's to help others. Maybe volunteer together to pick up trash, walk dogs at the animal shelter, rake an old lady's yard...whatever will work with his sensory issues. Tasks like that provide exercise and a sense of accomplishment. They also show that you can make a significant difference in the world without being "the best" at something. These tasks will also help him connect with the moment and his body and get out of a purely cerebral head space. And the exercise and helping people should help his brain release more dopamine and tire his muscles for sleep at night.

I used to nap after school...it was exhausting keeping up with all the tasks and social expectations all day. Maybe have an official nap time with a timer set. Set it when he nods off so he can have a 20 minute cat nap. But if his body needs to shut down for a bit, let it.

Assuming he likes Harry Potter, I would also introduce to him the idea that your thoughts can sometimes be like bogarts. They will look extremely real and scary, but they aren't. If you think of something that makes you happy and call the bad thought out for being ridiculous, it usually goes away or at least gets a little smaller.

As others have said, it sounds like he is dealing with bullying. Generally bullying peaks during the Junior High School years (around 6th - 8th grade) and then diminishes afterwards but by then the damage is already done to the child's self esteem. And he will carry these invisible scars for the rest of his life.



His classmates may have called him stupid, worthless, an idiot and a thousand other names and he is feeling the stress from these verbal attacks.

A quick bit of research on the Internet revealed:
* Aspies are bullied much more than their typical peers. Perhaps as much as 95% of male Aspies experience bullying in school. This does entails physical assaults.

Stress is cumulative in nature. It builds up inside the body and then eventually reaches a point where it transforms into distress (for example, depression). There are probably several ways to help your son. One way would be for you to teach him how to vent this stress properly and return his body back into a state of homeostasis.

Stress (rather than just psychological in nature) is also physical. Stress produces a cascade of hormones that are released in the body. This chemical energy is stored in the muscles and the nerves. It is normally stored in 6 locations (2 arms, 2 feet, neck, core).

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It takes a very vigorous exercise to vent this accumulated stress energy in your arms and legs. For example vigorous swimming will vent stress in his legs and arms. Other sports can provide a similar release provided they incorporate extreme movement.

An example of leg exercise that will purge deep stress (exercise in which maximal oxygen uptake is 100%), is to perform ten 6-second maximal sprints (a 50-yard dash), running like a bat out of hell with a 30 second recovery between each sprint. [This emulates the flight response in a panic.]

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To vent stress energy in his neck, he must scream at the top of his lungs.

One needs to vent the stored stress energy in their neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy. R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Where are you puppy? R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual on this site in New York City that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

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To vent stress energy in the core takes a completely different set of exercise. I would call it body trembling. There is a book called "The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process" by David Berceli that can provide guidance in this form of exercise.

This YouTube video will give an introduction:

PLEASE NOTE THE ORIGINAL POST IS MORE THAN A DECADE OLD.

It got revived by someone wanting ideas on how to deal with depression.

After a decade of more life, I will say that I a lot more of an anxiety pattern in the first post than I did when I first replied.

Either way, professional assistance is the approach. I know some people have had bad experiences with professional intervention, so be prepared to have to try a few different professionals before you find one that all parties are comfortable with. The right fit is EXTREMELY important.