What do you tell your child after the diagnosis?

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New to the Planet and new to AS. Found out about 4 weeks ago that our son has AS. Learning new things through doctors and here, but one question that keeps popping up. Do you or WHAT do you tell your child? He is quite smart, as all are, and when we thought the "problem" was something else - previously diagnosis of ODD, ADHD- we just told him. Kid terms of course, but still told him.
What about now? How do you tell a child something like that?
Any input would be great!
Thanks and chat on... love to read all of the discussions.

Heather

I'm new here, but not new to the spectrum. Welcome.

my daughter is twelve now. I didnt tell her she had Autism until she could understand it, but my goal is to teach her about her diagnosis, that it is ok that she is different, that because she is different she has the right to take up for herself and that means advocate. The last word is too big for her, but last year when they made her upset at school, she had no problem advocating for herself, lol. She used everything i gave her as a tool.

It is a relief to someone who feels different to find out why they are different. Does he feel different? I think talking to him about it, having some appropriate reading ready for him on the subject, and even having him check out the kids board here would be helpful to him as he learns more about himself.

Dont talk too much, and let him guide you with his responses. Good luck!

Tyger

I don't think there's a "right" answer. I grew up without a diagnosis. I'm not saying it was easy. I've just met a lot of aspies in the last year that seem very unhappy as a result of their diagnosis, whereas I found it quite a relief to realize late in life that it was okay that I don't care to socialize much, despise the telephone, need a quiet place to work, and frequently misunderstand and am misunderstood. Maybe it's because a diagnosis is something that can't be changed. It's something that we can't control or influence and may lead to feelings of helplessness. Maybe staying away from ASDs and focusing on being different, unique and special is the way to go, but I don't know.

We've never been hushing the kids special needs as my parents did with me. I have never talked above the heads of my kids so they know they also in some ways has special needs and works a little bit different from their classmates and friends. I don't live with their mother and my new woman has to accept I have to help out my family as I accept she's getting help from her ex-husband to take care of her two kids. I've seen so many disturbing wrongdoings in separations that makes both me, my kids and my ex and my new wonder where the hell the world is going.

try to focus on the positive aspects of aspergers....ie; the reason you're so good at A, B & C is because you have aspergers. If he has some awareness of things he has difficulties with, and they are related to having aspergers, you could tell him that he has these difficulties because of aspergers~ but be careful to not make aspergers the scapegoat for everything.....for our son, we told him that aspergers was responsible for some of his social issues, and that his therapist would be working with him on these issues. ( he'd been seeing a therapist for depression prior to the dx).

Generally I think it's the right move to be open and frank about your kid's dianose -- for several reasons:
First of all, your aspie son is no dummy -- by definition quite contrary; we're usually markedly above average IQ. So he's soon going to figure out that "something's out of whack".
Second, it seems some aspies in here were diagnosed relatively early, but kept uninformed about it for many years -- and they often wind up feeling badly betrayed.

One way of how to put it to your kid, is this: Think of those IQ points as "building blocks" for brains: Generally, the more blocks, the smarter the brain; more specifically, the blocks are distributed across some categories. For simplicity's sake let's say they're math (Ma), sports activities (Sp), social interaction (So), artistic activities (Ar), and imagination (Im).
Most people would have a fairly "even" distribution; e.g. something like this:
Ma:###
Sp:###
So:###
Ar:###
Im:###
However, Aspies have a few extra blocks, hence the better-than-average IQ, and more specifically, they're distributed differently across the categories. One of the usual traits would be less blocks in the social department, and more in logic stuff like maths. So the "profile" of an aspie might look something like this:
Ma:######
Sp:##
So:#
Ar:####
Im:#####
Now look at that math category: Ordinary NTs with the "brain blocks" more evenly distributed would have three or four blocks here, and given a lot of training may even perform as if (s)he had five math blocks. Yet still it doesn't beat the "special powers" of the example aspie profile...!
On the other hand, same aspie lacks a bit in the social interaction department. But for aspies and NTs alike, the "name of the game" is to figure out the strong and weak points, thrive on the strong ones and find ways to get around or cope with the weak ones...

Each are wonderful ideas/thoughts and I feel a bit better in how to move forward. LOVED the blocks example. He would totally get that. Also, here I have seen reference to NT. I gather its some sort of "normal kid/non aspie" Just curious what it stands for.
Again Thanks! I will continue to be around and seek help again in future I am sure!

H

Neurologically Typical or Neurotypically. Developed, I think, by the parents of autistics who didn't like the "abnormal" implications of the term "normal." Often used as a derogatory reference. Aspies and auties are often less concerned with the "abnormal" implications of the term "normal" as they realize that it simply means "more than one standard deviation from the norm."

Scramjet, Do you mind if I take your explanation and translates it to a bit of LEGO? Yä're free to use that way from my side to show that we all aare different. Lego Is just such a good way to visualize amounts of something.

SweXtal: Go ahead, cleared for take-off on my "brain blocks" idea -- As I wrote that stuff, I was actually envisioning some parent using toy blocks of some sort to convey the idea to an aspie kid. Generally, any good idea I may post here is royalty-free for all non-commercial uses