My son can get it!

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My son, Noah, is 10 and due to his Aspie brain believes that most things in the world SHOULD be ordered, rational and always operational. He has come a very long way in learning that life is just the exact opposite. But, he still struggles with it and yesterday rented 2 Simpsons DVDs to watch. The episode he was watching kept getting stuck in one certain place. For Noah this begins to be a source of major frustration- we clean the DVD, it still happens, I suggest fast forwarding past it but the Aspie part of his brain would not allow him to- He had to watch that 10 second piece of the DVD or was going to watch none of it. He angrily took the DVD out of the machine and said "I'm not watching anymore" and I believed him - he is the most stubborn, disciplined kid when it come to deciding something- when he's done - he's DONE! His Aspie brain is relentless and tough as steel.
An overwhelming feeling that if he doesn't now and immediately deal with this stupid Simpsons DVD he just won't "get" a lot of other things in life...."There is an error in the textbook teacher- I'm not reading it!" "Mr. Bossman, my computer is not working - I'm not using it any longer! I told him your choices are to fast forward past the stuck section in the DVD and watch the show or give me $2.00. (the cost to rent the DVDs) I had recently given him a $2.00 bonus to his allowance for a good dental check-up (NO cavities ) He said "Fine, I'll give you the $2.00"...so he did.
30 minutes later he came down with tears in his eyes. He said "I'm upset about having to give you the $2.00" YEA! Now we were able to have a discussion about how DVD's and many other things in life sometimes just don't work and you have choices about how you react to them. You cannot just always abandon something and say "I'm done with this". You have to find a solution.
HE GOT IT! He went back in fast forwarded over the part that was stuck and continued watching the Simpsons.
I'm quite certain we will need to have this disussion again but the feeling of him "getting it" makes me happy and hopeful that he can "get" other things.

Noah is blessed to have a wise, caring, and understanding Mom like you!

Good teaching.

He's right.

It frankly drives me nuts if something doesn't work. I would probably abandon watching the DVD myself and return it to the store or the rental place. I remember watching one DVD that kept getting stuck and skipping repeatedly. It was so annoying.

Isn't it nice when kids finally reach the age when cause and effect mean something? It sounds like you and your son have a great relationship. That is exactly the type of conversations that I have with all of my teenage sons, the 2 with AS and the NT and it is definitely what works the best.

Noah, sounds a lot like I was at age 10. I always learned best when things were explained to me in a very rational, caring way. I honestly didn't understand a lot of standard behavior, and if someone could explain that what I was doing was hurting someone else, I would usually "get it". Punishment or ridicule just made me determined to get back at the punisher and make them pay for hurting me and if you have the sort of determination I have it wasn't a good situation.

Rachel46, you sound like a great parent, with a huge amount of insight into Noah. Just remember that when he is a pain in the kester, he may be following some inner logic that seems fully justified and reasonable to him. Good luck.

Wow you are all way too kind -you make me sound so...wonderful?! Being the parent of Noah is the single most difficult thing I've ever done. I now homeschool him (we did it last year) and struggle every day not to turn into a yelling and raving lunatic because his Aspie ways will drive you insane if you don't take the time to understand him. He makes perfect sense to himself, the key is seeing the world through his brain.

His way of thinking can be so trying but fascinating and refreshing at the same time that when other people, who previously might have looked at him sideways, get out of their own head and give him a chance they'll see him in a new light.

Um... well technically the world IS ordered and rational...

1.) if it wasn't then we wouldn't be able to make any sense of it... or even be able to communicate with each other for that matter

2.) the order and the rationality are very often not obvious

3.) the order and rationality also very often are offensive to a human-beings sense of taste and morals

Of course there is a big difference between intellecutally understanding that a human-beings sense of fairness doesn't exist in the world and emotionally accepting it are two different things.

I mean he is right that it SHOULD be.

I don't think it is.

The world of nature and of patterns is, but I find the world of people to be completely irrational, chaotic and unstructured; that's why I have difficulty with it.

I'm a lot like Noah where the DVD is concerned... If it skipped on me, I'd take it back to the rental place and complain, exchange it for another copy and then tried to watch it. I don't think it ever would have occured to me to fast forward past that spot. Mind you I haven't rented a video in about 5 years... it was just too much of a hassle for me- now I'm beginning to get a clue why.

Thanks for giving me another way of looking at that sort of situation.

Yes, I would have taken it back to the shop too. It obviously wasn't of hireable quality so they should swap it for one that is.

I understand what a huge milestone this is. Congratulations!! !!

tyger

Good for Noah. He came to his senses.

I have an alternative method:
My son thinks he has the magic touch. It's a secret. I just asked him about it. He told me he won't tell anyone who's not here. Then changed his mind and said "Okay, okay okay." So, here is the DVD Secret:

1. Wash the DVD in warm water
2. Wrap it in a cloth/blanket of some sort
3. place it under your stomach
4. rest on it
4. count to 100
(make sure you check for water spots before using)

voila--DVD is fixed. If it's not (sometimes fails) don't give up. Instead, continue to watch the movie and your sheer earnesty and desire to watch it will create a surplus of positive energy that will penetrate the DVD Player and eliminate the scratch.

so happy that your son was able to continue watching the movie............around here, everyone gets so stuck when things of that nature happen.

and struggle every day not to turn into a yelling and raving lunatic because his Aspie ways will drive you insane if you don't take the time to understand him. He makes perfect sense to himself, the key is seeing the world through his brain.

Rachel46:
Thank you. I had to laugh out loud at that decription - this is life with A as well. (I'm new too, and it's so refreshing just to chat with people who understand .

I always learned best when things were explained to me in a very rational, caring way. I honestly didn't understand a lot of standard behavior, and if someone could explain that what I was doing was hurting someone else, I would usually "get it".

Bobert:
Thanks for reminding me of something I learned a long time ago, and seem to have forgotten since having another child. A does so much better when he understands the "why" of things.