Any ideas for punishments ?

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AS son is a problem when it comes to punishment. When told he's grounded, he usually just pulls a sad face and hummmpfs. Then, three seconds later, he's off happy again doing whatever. He just doesn't seem to grasp the "task and consequences" thing. He's told if he's naughtly, then he will be punished (and usually it's Dad who just blurts out "you're grounded"). However, this doesn't really seem to do anything. And anyway, it's US who are grounded - he normally stays Friday night and all day Saturday at Nana's, but when grounded he gets stuck staying with us ! ! He is initially upset (for all of 2 seconds!) and then goes about his business. Does anyone have any other option we could use ?!?

yeah, that sounds like me when I was a kid. My parents tried the carrot on a stick sorta thing, then the punishment - they made me do things THEY would 't want to do, like not see friends, not play with other children, etc, but I never cared. They grounded me, took away TV and made me stay in my room with no records or books, only homework. I didn't care, really, I just did the homework.
They finally just started spanking me, mom with a wooden paddle and dad with his belt. I think it just mostly was frustration on their part, because although I really didn't like it, it really made no difference to my ultimate behaviour. It just trained me to be an automaton for anyone that wanted to intimidate me for the rest of my life. Try not to do that.

Just because he doesn't act miserable at the time doesn't mean that he doesn't care.

One of my favorite child development experts, Dr. Ray Guarendi, likes to say to parents with your question: "Well, does your son ever say, 'Oh, Mummy! Please, may I be grounded today? Pretty please?' No, he doesn't say that? Then he cares."

A piece of advice I'd give is (beyond the first warning) never threaten with a consqeuence beyond the first telling. Beyond that point, don't repeat yourself, just dole out the consequence. I'm not saying you're making this mistake, but a lot of people do. (like "Oh, Johnny! This is the fifth time I've told you--now go clean your room or else blah blah blah.") The most effective discipline (in my experience) is delivered with near 100% consistency and takes the form of a reliable "if... then...." statement. The child understands without any doubt, for example, that "If I do x, y will happen to me. Every time."

And if grounding is more of a punishment for you than him, you could try doing something else like extra chores, sentences, or what's called "black out" (none of his favorite activities whatsoever--no books, no tv, no games, no outside time, no ice cream after dinner--nothing). Kids who experience black out (and whose parents don't cave in) tend not to repeat the offense a second time. It's boredom to the max.

In any disciplinary action, it's good to keep in mind that results will not be instantaneous. It does sound like you aren't a pushover. That's good. I recommend that you and your husband get on the same page ahead of time, regarding what will happen for a punishment in certain situations. That way you don't end up promising a form of discipline that you don't really want to give.

You sound like great parents, btw!

How old is your son,what is he ussualy doing to misbehave?I think this is imporatant in finding consequnces that are effective.
The goal is to change the behavior more then to "hurt" him for his behavior that is already happened.Can you give a few examples.I was always getting in trouble when I was a kid but I was trying really hard to be good.I wanted my parents to like me and be proud of me.It's just that I also didnt want to wear dresses,nor not climb trees and I never could remember where I put my shoes and couldnt seem to organize my time and when I was washing the dishes I didnt mean to break the glass....it just slipped.

Point being....you need to figure out his motive in the innappropriate behavior,can he "help it",is it due to a sensory over load or other AS trait that may take more time for him to learn(developmental delay in some areas inspite of intelligence).

Chain him to a bed and go get a Subway Steak n'Cheese with double meat and pepperjack cheese and extra lettuce and eat it while sitting on the bed. It worked for me... I'm not sure what the point may have been initially, but it definitely made me hungry and made me think my girlfriend must be mildly psychotic..

Generally the object of discipline isn't to make your child think that you're nuts.

Maybe not,but that was the results of many of my parents punishments or yelling at me.I knew I was trying to be good and always getting in trouble,so I included they were not very "mentally stable" and quit possibly sadistic(though I didnt actually know the term for this at 7.)

I felt much the same way, as I was also a very absent-minded child. Very seldom did I deliberately disobey.

I think I would have benefitted most by more consistent application of discipline. No yelling or anger, just consequences. It probably would have made me angry at the time, but I think I would have learned how to organize my time better and be more mindful of things. I baffled my parents, who made the mistake of trying to reason and discuss things with me rather than being the bosses and laying down the law, and I think on a number of issues they just kind of gave up, bless their hearts.

So many parents are not confident in their own decisions (myself included). I think we'd all be better at it if we didn't second guess ourselves.

punishment never helps our aspie-son, cause he doesn't want to do things wrong, having done a thing wrong is already a punishment for him.
so just explaining, sending him to his room to calm down if necessary, trying to figure out what is wrong and why and also a clear 'no' is the only things that work.

the one part of punishment that's been of tremendous importance around here, is making certain that son understands WHY he's in trouble~ so many times, after the fact, we'd found that son had no idea why he was in so much trouble.....i'll give an example. Son was cleaning up in the kitchen. He dropped some dishes and broke them. Daughter walked into the room, stepped on the broken dishes with bare feet & cut her foot. Daughter starts screaming that she's hurt. Son starts screaming back at her to shut up because she's being too loud. Daughter continues screaming & crying. Son hits her..........................Son is told to go to his room............Can anybody guess why Son thought he was in trouble ?

The trick is in getting a understanding of that they have done something not acceptable without torture them.

Since me myself is AS and I have three kids with AS, authism and blablabla, various ways of learning them when they do something wrong sometimes has been unconventional but effective.

I don't say that I sometimes feel that i want to KILL my kids, i think most parents have that feeling sometimes..... But you can find pedagogic ways that works. My parents gave up and let me loose. But they didn't have the knowledge by then.

One trick I've been using lately is to do something totaly unexpected when they don't understand that they've done something wrong. Like stand on one leg and recitate something or lay flat on the floor and simply refuse to stand up. Whatever unexpected. I know my kids, they're smart, but sometimes you have to shake the mind around a bit.

And of course I don't torture my kids..... (safest to say that so nobody miscomprehends)

I was spanked by hand
though it was a rare -end to end all punishment- thing
it only came if I did something dangerous or very bad (something like that)

Make him stand in the corner with a pointy hat on.
Or you could also hit him with a belt. Not too hard - just so it hurts it a little bit.

What Aspie children think of their parents is rarely a topic I see discussed in the Parent's Discussion. Maybe the parent's don't think Aspie children have much of an opinion one way or the other, I don't know. However, being an Aspie, I know even at a young age, I had a mighty firm opinion of my folks, believe me. As I have grown older and wiser, I have come to understand they did the best they could, but that 'best' was pretty damn piss poor, if you will pardon my frankness. Some people shouldn't have kids, or if they do, shouldn't be allowed to raise them.

I prefer the use of 'consequences' rather than 'punishment'. Yes, I know, in a way it is the same thing - but the two terms imply different things. Using consequences implies that the child needs to learn how to control his own behaviour, and assists the child to take full responsibility for that. Using punishment implies that the child is sometimes a bad person, and therefore deserves to be treated badly at that time.

Here are a few more things that I believe are important:

- always have set rules that everyone in the household (adults included) are expected to follow
- have set consequences for breaches of each rule
- be consistent, make sure the consequence happens EVERY time the rule is breached (and that all adults in the household work as a team in this regard)
- never use anything to do with the child's 'special interests' as a consequence. These are NEEDS, like food, water, and air. Deprivation is experienced by the child as abuse.

Hitting kids with a belt is child abuse!