getting daughter diagnosed

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Going through the process of getting my daughter evaluated for ASD, since she's old enough now. Just got back the report from the occupational therapist she saw a while back. While she's very physically capable there were a few things in there about non-spontaneous/practiced facial expressions, avoidance of eye contact and unusual expressions/mannerisms.

I knew all this stuff, of course. But reading it from a medical professional just floored me, I couldn't finish reading it the first time because I had this explosion of grief. I feel so sad about it. She's going to struggle with the exact same stuff I struggle(d) with and I can't help her because I am exactly the same. I feel like I've given her a terrible gift.

There's further to go before we get an actual diagnosis but this doctor is recommending access to ASD support tools through her school etc. At least that's a thing now, I suppose.

There are a number of things you can do to help her. For example, if she has too narrow a focus, you can help reminder her to take a look around her periodically (this is also useful when learning to drive).

If she become "stuck" in a familiar or comfortable routine, you can help her break out of it once in a while so that she learns to have more control over her life.

Children have to learn how to take control of themselves to have more options in life. Because of what you yourself have learned, she can get a head start in developing skills that most of us took many years to discover.

I remember feeling this same way. The language they use is so stark, so cold, so negative. Remember one thing: your child hasn't changed. All the good things are still there (albeit not in the report) and may more than offset the negative. These reports are not a complete picture.



Some of the items in my child's IEP were extremely valuable. For my child, I think the escape clause was my favorite, escape clause being my short cut for permission via the IEP for my child to leave the classroom at any moment without permission and go to a designated safe and quiet location. But even beyond the specifics was having a document that tells the school, "this child is unique, so please stop a beat and look at the situation you are encountering from a different lens."

Thanks, you two. I appreciate you responding. I was very down about this, I don't feel so bad now.

Her school has actually already been excellent about making provision for her, allowing her to leave and decompress in the library when she's overwhelmed, allowing her to wear non-school uniform and stuff like that. That's the good part. None of that was possible for me.

DuckHairback, the right school makes so much difference. So glad to hear she has an understanding one.

Perhaps you especially are in a position to help her. She will need lots of insights and explanations and your personal life experience will help you explain, as well as to better understand her own perspective. Cheering you on. The love and concern you show is the most important of all. A loving , concerned parent can make all the difference. Let her feel the love and let her know she will not be alone, that you will tackle her life problems together. That is the greatest gift a parent can give.