repeating a grade

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Hey all- I am new here, and loving this site. My almost 17 yr old daughter was diagnosed with add at age 10, then with aspergers instead at 14. Just wondering if it would be a good thing to hold her back a grade. The thought of her graduating in two years is very scary. She is fine with redoing 10th grade.
Any thoughts and experiences are so appreciated. -kat

Welcome to WP

I repeated the 3rd grade. It was for the best in the long run..
Might be different with high school though.

The more independence she has, the better. IS there a good reason to hold her back or have her teachers recommended it? If they did, you might seriously consider it, but if not, then I wouldn't think it would be wise.

Is the thought of her graduating in three years really any less scary? I think all parents get a little scared about their kids' impending graduation, and that's doubly true for kids who are somewhat immature or struggling socially because of AS, but an extra year to "catch up" isn't likely to make whatever problems she has disappear.

When I was 17 my parents were worried as hell that I wouldn't be able to handle adult life (and so was I, for that matter). A couple of years later I very suddenly decided to get my act together, moved out, started a new career in a new city doing something I loved, and succeeded at it (much to my parents' surprise, I think).

As my dad once put it when he wasn't aware I was listening, I seemed to have so much trouble with the "small" things in life, and do so well at the "big" things. I think that may be a common pattern among people with AS. I turned out to be capable of a lot more independence and maturity than anyone would have guessed from seeing me as a high school student.

Thank you Twosheds! My math teacher in 11th grade made a similar remark to me after she set us a quick intro. to algebraic topology and I was the ONLY person to solve any of the problems she gave us later (I later found out that I had been the only person in ANY of her classes to solve any of the topology problems! It was a style of math that seemed so natural to me but still seems so unnatural to generations of mathematicians!): "Well, Ben, you're lucky you have such amazing high-level learning and thinking skills, hopefully they'll make up for your lack of common sense." I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it as an insult but as some odd form of encouragement.

Thank you Twosheds! My math teacher in 11th grade made a similar remark to me after she set us a quick intro. to algebraic topology and I was the ONLY person to solve any of the problems she gave us later (I later found out that I had been the only person in ANY of her classes to solve any of the topology problems! It was a style of math that seemed so natural to me but still seems so unnatural to generations of mathematicians!): "Well, Ben, you're lucky you have such amazing high-level learning and thinking skills, hopefully they'll make up for your lack of common sense." I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it as an insult but as some odd form of encouragement.

hmm well my parents tried to get me held back twice...
didn't happen
I wouldnt let it
its really what she feels ya kow-you don't want a realy angry teenager around when you make her skip a grade trust me
my dad said I would have gone back to that school if I was held back-yeah something tells me otherwise

Depends how this girl is coping academically. If that's okay, I can't see much reason to hold her back.

I did hold my daughter back in kindergarten. But, i dont think she'd be better off at 17. At that age, we will be working toward a job or technical school or college. She's twelve now, and she just asked to be put into regular classrooms. I'm terrified, but we will find a way to make it work. I've been holding her back, trying to protect her, i'm afraid.

Your daughter probably wont mature any more by holding her back, than by letting her go. And she will not know how to defend herself any better, either. Those would be my own biggest fears, of course. I do understand you want to do what's best for her, but carefully consider what skills you expect her to gain over the next year, and if the goals are realistic. If they are unacheivable either way, will making her stay in school another year really be best?

Grown up life will probably be easier than high school

tyger

Grown up life could be easier than high school but only if she has the right kind of support when she needs it. She might or might not need extra help in finding a suitable job or course of study, and there is the possibility that it could take time to find out what is best. All the same, keeping her back a year probably isn't a good idea at this stage.

We are looking at repeating our newly dx'd 4th grade boy. I wd love input too.

Pandora, you are right, of course. I just assume i'll be the support, as usual. Unless we can change things. Someone posted something on one of the boards about the dsm-iv changeing Aspergers dx to High Functioning Autism. In a lot of schools, that will enable kids with aspergers supports they've never had, and i see that as a good change.

But, what is available for adults is appalling. I'm lucky to have a parent group that has started near here to offer opportunities to people with disabilities. Unfortunately, unless you are on the lower range for IQ, or physically challenged in some way, the ADA wasnt written for you. That is the first thing we have to change. The ADA was written at a time when most people with mental challenges were referred to special schools, or group homes, or the parents trying to figure out what to do(some things never change...nor should they, but only the parent one).

This is a big enough place to get change made. Wrong Planet, i mean. Id personally like to see our Mental Health system revamped to offer more services through church groups. By services, i mean, someone coming in and helping with schedules, finances, makeing sure depression isnt a problem, etc. Depression might not be as big a problem if someone came to see those that are more homebound every once in awhile. I dont know how to fund the program, that is why i chose church groups....and to help them learn a little more about this population.

Are people with Aspergers or Autism, who are adults, comfortable accepting the Mentally Ill lable that comes with the DSM-IV? Getting comfortable with that, since it's the rule, is what it will take. Then the group becomes a much larger group not served under the ADA. Mental illness can be lifelong and debillitating. Why are the challenges not addressed anywhere????

sorry....2nd day of school and i needed to rant about anything, lol.

tygereyes

Thanx everyone! you all have helped us make our decision and not hold her back.
one year may not make a difference in her maturity level, which is what we were concerned with. though if we had a dx, and known then what we know now, we would have definately held her back in 4th grade.
kat

Good luck, kat.

tyger

yeah G L Kat. We have officially req'd our school now for retention of my boy in grade 4 next year (our school year in Aust here goes Jan to Nov). Don't know how we're gonna go. They seem to be reluctant - but mainly on admin grounds. I mean they've got all his paperwork and you can't argue w his dx etc etc.