I always felt like my dad didn't like me as a child. My mother actually confirmed this when I was 15.
I think he wanted a tough kid, the way he saw himself. I wasn't interested in sport, I was probably whingey and a pain when he tried to do anything with me. I wasn't brave or a dare devil type of kid. I think he just found me annoying.
I liked books and computers, not things he could relate to. But I was also into making things and would come up with plans for projects I was going to build but I wasn't capable of executing them. Treehouses, go-karts that sort of thing. Looking back it's weird he didn't help me learn how to make things, because he did make things too so this would be something of a shared interest. But he made no effort to try and help me with these things, he'd just shout at me for taking his tools or using his wood.
My mother is more of a mystery to me. I used to think she wasn't demonstrably affectionate towards me - I don't remember her ever really hugging me or anything. But nowadays I wonder if I rejected physical touch as a child. The reason being that my own child doesn't like me to hug her, she's always pushed us away. So maybe I did too. I don't know. My mum was around more than my dad but I feel like I know less about her.
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It's dark. Is it always this dark?