My social stories

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*This is a response to Pandora, Ster and sigholdaccountlost. I don't want to derail that newbie's thread anymore.

I"m done trying to explain my stories. I was quite explicit about how I write them and y'all are going off on Elmo and other stuff that has nothing to do with social stories. You have taken my comments out of context or just plain misinterpreted them and are accusing me of misleading my son.

I get tough on parents that are clearly looking to be abusive or ignorant about their autistic kid. But you are picking a fight for no decent reason.

One last time, social stories are rules, guidelines, a script. They are not open discussions about social dilemmas. They are simple stories that show a conflict and instruct on how to deal with them. Anything else is distracting and irrelevant. Notice how mentioning Elmo has distracted some of you?

Thanks for the vote of confidence. [/sarcasm] I never said that and I resent the accusation. I contemplated posting my examples of stories with cartoons, which would be at great effort to hook up the equipment. But after this assault, I don't want to.

The snarky remarks about Elmo are totally immature and ironic. One of the hallmarks of autism is that it is a developmental delay. Many autistic kids and adults hold onto to what is considered "child like" interests. Or at least they are several years behind their same-age peers. So 6 year olds like Elmo, 5 year olds like the Teletubbies and teenagers like Pokemon. So what?! If they are good role models then so be it. I will be forever grateful for the Teletubbies teaching my son to hug and to accept hugs. Drawing pictures of Elmo eating is how I taught my son to eat at the table for the first time!
I don't deny my son the right to get angry. But I do teach him how to talk to a teacher. I do teach him not to fight over every single thing he disagrees with. I do teach him words to use when he needs to share his feelings.
Again, the stories are scripts. They provide words when he doesn't have them yet.

Back to the touching social story. You guys had it backwards and I explained that! So, this "real world" response to getting touched is so far off the mark. I can't even explain how hurt I am that people would just keep hammering at me and my story. On top of the fact that it was on a newbie's thread, just another parent asking for help.

I'm sorry for your unpleasant experiences here at WP. You seem to realize that your dealing with a bunch of people here with a variety of PPDs, some mild, some severe. There has been a movement recently towards relaxing some of the rules. This is still being discussed. I sincerely hope that this has not turned you off Wrong Planet completely. Most of the people here sincerely want to help, and some just don't know how to do that very well yet.

I'm sorry I misunderstood you. I'm sorry you misunderstood me. Misunderstandings happen even in real life - even 'normal' people misunderstand other 'normal' people. I'm used to looking for hidden implications in everything. Force of habit. I play devil's advocate a lot but besides that, I wasn't trying to pick a fight in that scenario. I'm sorry if it seemed that way.

All I was saying was that I'd feel betrayed in Pop's place and I'd resent my parents (i.e. you). Perhaps I should have dropped but well....something was bothering me at the time. Personal reasons.

Yes, autism is considered a developmental delay. Yes, elmo and the teletubbies are good role models.. up until a certain point.

'immature' Back to the developmental delay thing again, aren't we?


Anyways, this post has cleared things up now.


I shall once again aplogise:

I'm sorry. *hangs head*

Mr.Mark, I'd never walk away from WP for one argument. I just got fed up with that particular thread and the ensuing digression. This is still one of the best places to complain and quibble as we eventually try to understand each other.

Sigholdaccountlost, if I were telling my son what you thought I was telling him, I'd be a liar and schnook. I don't give him that June Cleaver BS. I'm rather candid here with the topics we discuss and have discussed his communication issues at length.
Thanks for being more reconciling. I hate to get emotional about internet tiffs.

I don't know what a schnook is. But I can understand the liar part.

There are liars in this world.

I don't know about the others but all I can say in my defence is this: I didn't now then that you weren't one of them.

I do now hence my rather rambled apologising post.


I'm sorry for anything that may ensue as a result of a couple of pms but I feel I have to send them.

Maybe I didn't make it clear that I am a person with Asperger's and therefore capable of being blunt. KimJ, if your stories work with your son then you are obviously doing a good job. I just dislike characters like Elmo for the reasons I said before but again, if your son likes him and the Telletubbies, then who am I to say he shouldn't?

I'm Aspie myself and I know all about blunt. Blunt doesn't bother me. It was the accusations that I listed above. The massive digression and then the accusations.

Um, I didn't mean to make accusations and I'm sure you mean the very best for your son. It's only that I don't like characters like Elmo because I find them too politically correct.

You have to remember to put it all into perspective, and realise that while Elmo might seem to be a role model to infants and toddlers, as time rolls on, your son will probably look for something else to relate to. Hopefully as your son gets older, some other more mature role models will come along (although Elmo at the moment I suppose is a lot better than Big Brother and their ilk). As long as your son is happy and will continue to be so is the main thing; and hopefully whatever the future brings for him (and everyone) will be something to look forward to. I suppose, when it all comes down to it, role models are hard to find; I myself would have picked someone (or something) else.

Thanks
As I mentioned in the other thread, I no longer draw Elmo. I do keep things "Happy" at my son's insistence. All cartoons have smiling people in them.

i'm sorry if you took what i said to be an affront against elmo.....whatever works in your house, is whatever works in your house...i was simply stating that we still have difficulties navigating social issues in our house......we could even use son as an example in his own story, and he still has trouble with feeling like he's remaining dignified with his response.....it's a hard thing to teach. our son struggles with the little nuances in social interaction~he knows how to act in public, but he struggles with keeping inappropriate comments to himself.................. he's reported being shocked that statements that are clearly inappropriate to most, are really inappropriate...............i grew up in an abusive family, and was basically told to stuff my feelings~ that i wasn't allowed to be angry or sad. this is why i have such a hard time with the notion of just smiling on the outside when you feel really crappy on the inside. i understand that this is something we all do, but it's quite difficult to explain this to my son~ he just doesn't get that notion of suppressing strong emotions....and when he does manage to suppress strong emotions, the end result is a major meltdown hours later.

I don't tell him to stuff his feelings, though. I just draw pictures that show smiling, "this is the optimal outcome of this story." It has nothing to do with "suppressing strong emotions" but about handling a specific incident with appropriate words rather than cussing or violence.
What you say your son has trouble with-and my son too-is lack of ability to project. Most call it "lack of empathy", which is completely inaccurate. "Projecting" is being able to visualize, imagine or understand how other people may see the world as you do. Calling me a jerk hurts my feelings, so it probably hurts others too. That's projecting. Our kids have a very hard time doing that.

That's where the scripts come in, to inform how "we" handle taking a shower or playing a video game. Instead of expecting him to "just know" that calling me names is "wrong", I write a script that shows him saying polite words or doing something to get his anger out.

Does it work all the time? No, I wouldn't be here if it did. But it's the only thing that does work at all. I will add that things might be different because my son is language-delayed, so his learning has to be very visual. I don't see that changing with his growing vocabulary, except that I can write big words for him to read.

But there's lots of different ways to have a shower or play a video game. As long as nothing gets damaged in the process that's the main thing.

I'm not a smiley person and would not pretend to be happy if I wasn't. I never have done that and don't intend to start now. On the other side of things, if I do smile and laugh, it is real.

But it's whatever works best for the parents or other relatives of an aspie, to teach them about social interactions. I don't understand the impact of my actions or words on other people unless they tell me so. Mind-reading was never my forte but until the diagnosis of Aspergers, I never understood why.

honestly, i don't know whether my son will ever be able to "project".......i don't know if he'll ever understand others~heck, there's plenty of people i don't understand either ! the bottom line, as you've said, is to get them to act in an appropriate matter. and that's a daily work in progress around here.

I think if you can avoid their making major social clangers you are doing very well.

I always used to get confused when teachers and other adults said things like "we don't do this" and "we don't do that". To me, that meant that they didn't do these things and I wondered why they were telling me. I didn't see it as personally relevant and therefore did things that made them get angry. I then felt they were unjustly picking on me.

It's better to say something like "do not hit other children" rather than "we don't hit other children" because we aspies are often quite poor at generalising. Instructions have to be simple and explicit and it is important to ensure that they have been understood. Much "naughtiness" is due to aspie children misinterpreting instructions.

Btw, I still get into trouble for saying "inappropriate" things. If something smells nasty when I am out I will say "oh pooh! something stinks!" or I will discuss gory topics during meals, forgetting that some people don't have strong stomachs. I seem to be able to detach when describing medical procedures.

I also hate euphemisms such as "passed away". It sounds too prissy.

Most of my stories are discrete, meaning they are about exact, specific circumstances and don't call for generalizing. So, I don't ask my son to generalize from "we" to "I". If I use "we" it literally refers to the family. "We are eating dinner at our family restaurant".

Autistics are late to use pronouns anyways, so I still often use proper names in my stories or verbal instructions.

I try to avoid negative instructions, "don't hit" because it focuses on the unwanted action. "Pop keeps his hands to himself"