Not sure where to begin

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I'm not even sure where to begin this post, but I'm obviously here for a reason. I guess for starters, I'm wanting some semblence of assurance that I'm not completely "up in the night" with regard to my belief that my middle daughter has Asperger's syndrome. I say this, because I suggested the notion to my ex-wife, who has a PhD in psychology, and she claimed that "No, P does NOT have Asperger's." I'll do my best to describe the symptoms that I'm observing, and perhaps some of you can give me some feedback. First off, my daughter is 10 years old, and for the most part seems to be a "normal" kid, but there are several aspects of her behavior that are just "off." Primarily, I notice the issues with regard to socialization, but I also see some rather obvious issues with her taking things "literally," issues with fine/gross motor skills, etc.

So... what specifically am I seeing? Well, for starters, I see that she appears to be "socially stunted." I don't know how else to describe it. She reads well (at or above grade level), but socially/emotionally, her behaviors are more akin to a 7 or 8 year old. I notice that if she doesn't have a structured routine, or set of expectations that she can actually meet, she stresses out about it, and will basically start crying, and not be able to tell me why she's crying. For a while, I thought this may be that she is just overly sensitive... I mean... I'm deeply emotive; I weep when I hear certain opera arias. I don't really see that my daughter cries, solely because of emotional issues.

So... back to school... 2 years ago, I realized that my daughter appears to be an auditory learner. For me, this was rather surprising, because I'm very visual. I discovered this, as a result of her studying spelling words, and consistently failing (2/25), no matter how many times I'd have her write the words. I finally asked her to change the way she studied -- saying the words aloud and spelling them aloud, 5 times, every day. Her scores went up to a consistent 23/25. To this day, that is the way she studies her spelling words. Unfortunately, this same technique doesn't seem to carry over to math. At 10, she doesn't know her math facts (addition, subtraction, multiplication or division). I believe part of it has to do with her being so stressed out about it; part of it could be some sort of learning block... I dunno. What I do know, is that "she's hit the wall," in terms of being able to pass school. She told me her midterm grades, and is failing math and social studies, getting an A in reading and an A in science. The interesting thing, with regard to math, is that she understands and can perform the processes (carrying, borrowing), but has difficulty with number sense.

In terms of her socialization, often times she doesn't like to play with her younger sister, primarily because at 5, her little sis can be a tad noisy, bossy, and well... 5 (LOL). At school she doesn't have many friends, tends to play by herself.

As I read what I wrote, perhaps I'm just being paranoid. I guess the bottom line is this: I believe that there is something that is a little "off" with my daughter in terms of her behavior and cognition.

Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Has she been evaluated at school? At the very least, she may have a learning disability because of her math troubles. Have you tried teaching math via word problems? it's a good way to covertly introduce algebraic forumlae, which can reinforce memory.
I would really press the issue with the school to get her an assessment for an IEP.

Your ex isn't qualified to dx your daughter. I'm just finding out that my own therapist (PhD in psychology as well) isn't facing facts with my own "issues". A developmental psychiatrist is generally the expert in diagnosing autism spectrum disorders.

It's not uncommon for family member to be in denial about their children's autistic traits. I think there has even been a study of this, showing that family members are more likely to dismiss/ deny autistic traits in daughters as opposed to sons. You should have your daughter evaluated by someone expert in autistic spectrum disorders.

There are many misconceptions about autism out there, even by the experts. I had one evaluator tell me that autism is a diagnosis "reserved for boys." So you will have to step around the ignorance (or in your wife's case, probably denial) and find someone knowledgeable.

I was great at english/science but not so good with numbers though did well in maths with written problems/formulae. I described myself as 'numerically dyslexic', the working would be correct but the actual addition etc of numbers wrong so I use always a computer spreadsheet for this now.
I have to 'see' things in my mind literally to learn them.
I also believed for a long time only boys could be autistic as it was too difficult to diagnose in girls.
I hope you can talk to the school or a proper professional and get your child some help with the maths.
My daughter struggled with maths (she is NT) but it was just bad teaching at her school. She failed her GCSE (grade E), I got her a few months private tuition once a week and she retook and passed with grade C.

Your daughter sounds very similar to my son when he was that age (he's 14 now and only just been diagnosed).

He is dyspraxic so obviously has fine motor skill issues, is socially inept (I hope that doesn't sound cruel, it isn't meant to), he takes things very literally, excels at english and science, he is very 'rigid' in his thinking and at the moment has a whole lot of other stuff that he's developed since the hormones kicked in!

I would definitely approach the school and voice your concerns. I had the same trouble with my ex-husband, he wouldn't (and to a degree still doesn't) accept that 'his boy' had a neurological disorder.

Welcome and good luck.

yes, ask the school in writing to do a complete evaluation, and keep us posted!

Thank you all for your replies. I am writing up a formal request for testing and will pursue finding an appropriate professional as well.

It sounds very much like Asperger's to me so I hope you can get somebody who can give a proper diagnosis for your daughter.

sounds like my daughter who has ADHD. symptoms of ADHD look quite incredibly similiar to Aspergers~ taking things literally, poor motor skills....i'd send her for testing to see what's going on, and how you can help her